Some women simply asked for it!

Men are going to love me for this, and women are going to hunt me down and bash me up for betraying my own kind. But then again, I have to write about this. Those teeny weeny bunnies in my head have been knocking and plotting my death. Those buggers have been pestering me to write about this. All right, enough said, let’s get to business, shall we?

You know, it is not fair to blame a man for his infidelities sometimes. I don’t encourage extra-marital relationship or even condone it. But sometimes, I feel that men have to no choice but to seek love and comfort elsewhere. A lot of women will say that their husband’s affairs are unjustified, but then again, have you ever thought of looking into the mirror and reflect on yourself?

Let’s just admit it, readers. Some women are simply bitchy! All they do when their men goes home to them is open their big smelly mouth to nag and scold non stop. Their husband haven’t even take off his shoes or even reach the sofa to sit down, and yet those bloody bitches is already sputtering fucking nonsense that could make the deaf scream in agony. And when their husband tells them to stop, they continued on, and there’s no chance in hell they will stop their bitchy pie hole from nagging. Unless of course, it’s the end of the world.

These kind of bitches expects a lot from everyone around her. She wants everyone to listen to her and give her the respects she thinks she oh, so deserved. She expects people to treat her like an Empress Dowager, and bow down to her every whims, and yet no matter what people do to please her, she’ll still be unsatisfied.

And instead of being grateful for being tolerated, she asked for more, and find faults in people. In other words, no matter what her man and the people around her do to please her, she’ll still say it’s not good enough, and continue to bitch about it and demand for more. Nothing could satisfy her, and whatever she says must be treated like a decree, including what you should and should not eat, and what you should wear and shouldn’t wear.

Relationship gets more and more worst with each passing day. Tension is in the air because communication becomes scarce as it’s not possible to talk when you’re not even allowed to speak up your mind.

Honestly, if I am a man who is married to this kind of woman, who can be classified as a mother of all bitches and whore, I’d probably leave her or divorce her too. Either that, or get a mistress to sooth me and make me feel like a human instead of some worthless piece of shit who is worthy of nothing but scolding, nagging and lecturing.

These kind of women are the kind who will cry foul and puts the blame on the men when she’s ditched. She’ll go around telling how pitiful she is, having to face life and raising the brats all by herself, when the truth is she refused to let the poor man even see her brats. People, not knowing what really transpired in their marriage,  of course will blindly sympathize with her, saying the man is an irresponsible jackass who left the family.

What’s worst, these kind of women will raise their children to hate their poor father and tell the entire family how she had been mistreated, when it’s the actual case is the other way around. She abused her man mentally, and yet, she goes around whoring, telling people that another woman stole her husband and something of that sort. She also goes around, brainwashing the kids, saying that their father left them because he refused to be responsible when in truth, she gave hell when the man wanted to see the children.

Things goes on and on, and will get worst. She’ll make everyone’s life miserable. Nobody is good enough in her eyes, and her children will have problem when they are married and have family of their own, because this sort of bitch will give troubles to her son or daughter in laws, simply because in her eyes, they are never good enough.

In their eyes, their children’s spouse are not rich enough, not pretty enough, not a good wife, not a good mother, not a good husband and father, and the list goes on. And when they didn’t receive the respect from their children in laws the way they did from other people in their lives, they go berserk and goes all out to destroy their own children’s marriage and happiness. Why? Because they think just because they are older, they know all, and what they says, goes, and when they don’t get any respect from their children’s spouse, they get pissed.

They are horrible, worst kind of bitches, I must say. Manipulative as well, as they tend to get pity from people around her. But, you know what? When men leave these kind of women, I have no pity whatsoever for her. Why? It’s simple. I am not a man, but I know men are human too. Sometimes, men just want to be appreciated and have some peace of mind when they are at home.

Who can take it if they are constantly degraded? By their wife, no less. If you can’t find find comfort and peace of mind at home, why not seek it outside? The damn bitch can’t seems to keep her mouth shut, and the synergy at home is not conductive for anything, especially love and romance.

So, why not? You don’t get mind blowing, hot and crazy sex anymore, cuz that bitch never bother to dress up to please you. What’s more, those little bastards who have the cheek to call you father seems to give you endless headache as well. There’s simply no peace and there’s no way to relax at home.

So, really, why not? Seek comfort elsewhere. Find someone who can really make you feel good about yourself. Find someone who at least will try to listen instead of just talk all the time.

People will damn you for your infidelities, that’s for sure, but then again, what do they know about living in such environment where you constantly need to put up with a bitch’s nagging? They’ll never know how it’s like to live under the same roof with such a bitch unless they are in the same shoes as you are. So, why give a damn of what people think, anyway? You life has always been about her, and what did she give you in return? Not even peace.

Men loves to feel like a hero of a woman’s dreams. Men are the sort of creature who needs to feel good about themselves. Maybe men won’t admit this, but most depend on women to make them feel masculine and macho.

When he lavish her with all her whims and fancy and yet the wife didn’t appreciate him and nags him for more instead, they won’t feel as if they have achieved anything. Instead, they will feel like a loser. And if a man can’t get romance out of their wife when they initiate it, that’s probably worst than erectile dysfunction.

So, yes…if I am a man who is married to this sort of bitch, I would leave her without a doubt, children or no children. You can always fight for custody and deal with your guilt later. Either leave and find someone who will appreciate those little things that you do and stay sane, or stay and live a life of a castrated dog.

Cleffairy: Some women simply brought troubles upon themselves. You can’t blame the men for everything. Look at yourself in the mirror, and see for yourself.

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Prayers for a sister…

I received a devastating news from one of my online sisters whom I am very fond of last night. We used to have good times together in an online game called Maplestory. It’s the same game where I found my good brother, Saint Seng, whom I loved with all of my heart for his caring attitude.

This girl in question is a nice girl, though somewhat naive and gullible. Like Seng, she accompanied me throughout the nights during my darkest hours fighting my own demons and loneliness a few years back.

Sad to say, it’s been quite a long time since I’ve had a conversation with her, or even seen her.The last time I’ve seen her in person was two years ago, on 21st December where we had our guild Xmas reunion, and it’s been a while since I’ve chatted with her online too for all of us have been so caught up with our real life and work that we hardly communicate with each other anymore. I wish I could see her more often, but it’s not possible as she’s not living in the same country as me. The ocean kept us apart.

It is by sheer luck that I managed to catch her online on her MSN tonight. I’ve chatted with her for awhile, and asked the usual. I asked how she was doing, and if she’s doing fine. But much to my horror, she said she’s not okay, and she attempted suicide a couple of days ago. Naturally, I was upset with her, and asked her why did she do it. And I even gave her a piece of my mind for attempting it. I scolded her for not thinking about the people whom she nearly left behind.

And so, she proceed to tell me the reason that triggered her suicide attempt. She told me that her boyfriend of 1 year whom she’s been living with, left her. I was pissed at this point. Pissed with the bastard who left my beloved sister, and pissed with my little sister for attempting suicide, for not appreciating life.

But little did I know that she had a somewhat valid reason to attempt suicide, for wanting to end her life. It was not because she was distressed that her boyfriend of one year left her. There’s more to it. She was pregnant with his baby, and because the bastard wasn’t man enough to take responsibility for the unborn child, she made decision to put everything to an end, and terminate the pregnancy.

My blood was practically boiling when I heard the news. This time, my anger was not caused by her, by that asshole of a man whom I’ve never even met before. Well, it is a good thing that I’ve never met him before, or I’ll send someone to bash him up.

You see… I’ve always been a pro-life. I never believed in taking the easy way out by having an abortion if you get pregnant. I don’t believe in it, cuz I believe a child is a gift from heaven. But over the years… I learn not to judge people’s decisions who decided to have an abortion.

Why? Because I’ve seen suffering. Suffering of a mother who decided to be a single mother and raise her child with people around her stigmatizing and condemning her all of her life and had to live a life with no moral or financial support. Suffering of children who are born out of wedlock who never had the love of their father and punished by the society for the sins of their parents. I really couldn’t judge.

Perhaps,under certain circumstances abortion does allow someone to move on and have a better life, because sometimes, shotgun marriage does not guarantee happiness. If one is forced into a marriage and the life that he or she doesn’t like or want, the consequences would be fatal, and more people would be hurt.

My little sister decided to have an abortion, not because she doesn’t want the baby, but because she could not afford to raise the baby alone. Her family supported her decisions, because they too have their own financial difficulties.

She did went to tell the bastard’s family, but they are aloof about it, and doesn’t want to have anything to do with her, or the unborn child. And so, two weeks ago, she had an abortion, and now is in a miserable state, because she couldn’t let go. I am glad that her brother was there in time to save her from dying, or else, I wouldn’t be here talking about her, but mourn her death instead.

I don’t know how to console her. I wish I could be there for her the way she was there for me when I was having a rough time in my life.

I sincerely wish I could be there for her, hug her and cry with her over her loss. I wish she didn’t have to loose her baby, but it is too late. Now I can only hope she could let go and move on, for what is done cannot be undone. Hopefully, my little sister would learn not to be so naive and gullible as time pass by, for not all men have the courage to be a responsible person.

I can only pray from afar that she will be all right, because she’s really a nice girl who deserves to be happy. She’s still so young, and there’s so many things ahead of her. For the first time in so many months this year, I feel compel to pray for another. I know God is somehow pissed with me for some reason, and would probably turn deaf ear towards me again, but this time, I hope he won’t turn deaf ears or blind eyes, because I am not asking things for myself, but for someone else whom I care for dearly.

Cleffairy: People make mistakes every day. Terrible mistakes that costs the life of another innocent life. But what is done cannot be undone, and one should learn to live with the mistakes.

A note for God: God, I don’t know what is your handphone number, or your email. And I have yet to stumble upon your facebook and twitter. So I will have to make do with leaving a note for you in my blog. People say you are everywhere, so I was kinda hoping that you will read my blog. God, please take care of my little sister. Guide her and light up a path for her, so that she could move on and be happy again.

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You got to love this!

Chill, people. It’s Friday. I got this in my email today, and I thought it can bring some smile to your day, especially you ladies…

Men are like…

… Blenders.

You need one, but you’re not quite sure why.

… Chocolate Bars.

Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.

… Coffee.

The best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night long.

… Commercials.

You can’t believe a word they say.

… Computers.

Hard to figure out and never have enough memory.

… Coolers.

Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.

… Copiers.

You need them for reproduction, but that’s about it.

… Curling Irons.

They’re always hot, and they’re always in your hair.

… Government Bonds.

They take way too long to mature.

… Horoscopes.

They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.

… Lava Lamps.

Fun to look at, but not all that bright.

… Mascara.

They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

… Parking Spots.

The good ones are already taken and the ones that are left are either handicapped or extremely small.

… Popcorn.

They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

… Weather.

Nothing can be done to change either one of them.

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Sometimes, it is just so easy…

Eugene posted something about marriage and relationship, as well as trust between couples. His entry gave me a flashback or two, and I realize that no matter how much we love someone, it is just so easy to walk away under certain circumstances. Kindly head over to his blog to read the whole article.

He asked 3 question, and here’s the edited version of my answer:

Q)Why cant a lady trust the man when she is asked to?

Because when a man asked his wife to trust him, he did not make her feel secure by providing answers to her questions. Instead, he gave her more reasons to distrust him with his fucking behaviour that continuously makes her feel insecure.

Q)Why cant the man assure the woman that there is no call for worries?

Because the man took things for granted, and his ego is too big to assure his wife. He’s arrogant enough to think that his wife will meekly wait for him to return to her every goddamn day, no matter what he did outside. He thinks she is dependent on him, and probably think that she could not go on without him. EGO is the keyword. Little did he know that the wife got pretty fed up  and extremely pissed with him already, and when things gets cold between them, it is just so easy for the wife to talk away. Why bother stay in a marriage with no security and affection anyway?

Q)Why can’t they reconcile when there is really nothing happened?

Because it simply hurt too much to continue on after seeing the man’s unappreciative attitude. Women just want to be assured, loved and secure. Women wants words from her man, and if he cannot appreciate her, assure her, make her feel loved and secured, why bother reconcile? If there’s no children involved, it’s better to cut the mental damage and loss by moving on.

I answered Eugene’s questions according to what I experienced firsthand. I may and not make sense to you, but that’s the answer that came from the bottom of my heart.

Cleffairy: Marriage is made in heaven. But the problem here is, we are here on Earth.

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Morning Erection

I was having a kind of X-rated chat with my fellow WriMos a moment ago, and we ended up talking about men’s morning erection after blasting our head on how to write a believable sex scene for our respective novels.

I never asked anyone in my bloody life on how it feels like to have a morning erection, including the males in my blasted life, and I wondered how morning erection felt to men.

So, since all of us were in the mood to explore the world of sexuality and beyond, I asked one of the male chatter in my noveling group about MORNING ERECTION, and how it feels to men. This is what he answered.

“Morning erections are there to keep men from bed-wetting, and that’s both a godsend and really annoying. You wake up, you have to pee, you have an erection, and the erection pretty much isn’t going to go away until you pee or maybe ejaculate. Meanwhile, you have to pee. In a standing position, the urine is coming out exactly the wrong way. In a sitting position, the angle of the penis is still exactly the wrong way, unless maybe you sit and bend over on the stool. Or, you can try to bend that rock-hard shaft downward at least 90 degrees so that it’s pointing into the bowl. Meanwhile, touching your penis makes it harder, because, it’s erect and all the nerves and such are at the surface.”

I don’t know what has gotten into me, I must have been overdosed on my caffeine fix to talk about so much about erotic nonsense, but as soon as I finished reading what my fellow novelist wrote, I laughed my ass out.

I absolutely had no clue on that’s how men feel when they had morning erection. So… it was not pleasurable, after all. And I can’t believe that morning erection is one kind of mechanism to prevent men from bed wetting. LOL… so… if a man have an erectile dysfunction, will he wet his bed then? LOL… can some male readers out there tell me about this? I think I hang out too much with my fellow novelist to think straight right now. I am as good as drunk! Can someone set me straight please? I’m struggling to finish up my novel.

I got to stay away from looney novelist who are overdosed on tea and coffee, just like me. It can be proved rather disastrous for morning erection is not the only thing we’ve discussed. There’s ‘standing up’ all night long and ‘how many times per night’ as well as creative metaphor for orgasm or even novel ending with er… bing bam and boom! I ought to warn you people off… mixing around with novelist in distress can be pretty dangerous!

Cleffairy: Sometimes, I think I am just as clueless as a teenage girl on a first date! There’s so much to learn about men and their anatomy!

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Love is a mystery

It’s weekend. It’s cold and rainy, and all I want is just to curl up and snuggle in a blanket, read a good novel or two and sleep the day away. But before I do that, allow me to share this with you:

It is a mystery why we fall in love. It is a mystery how it happens. It is a mystery when it comes. It is a mystery why some love grows and it is a mystery why some love fails.

You can analyze this mystery and look for reasons and causes, but you will never do anymore that take the life out of the experience. Just as life itself is more than the sum of the bones and muscles and electrical impulses in the body,love is more than the sum of the interests and attractions and commonalities that two people share. And just as life itself is a gift that comes and goes in its own time, so too, the coming of love must be taken as an unfathomable gift that cannot be questioned in its ways.

Sometimes, hopefully at least once in your life – the gift of love will come to you in full flower. Take hold of it and celebrate it in all inexpressible beauty. This is the dream we all share. More often, it will come and take hold of you, celebrate you for a brief moment, then move on.

When this happen to young people, they too often try to grasp the love and hold it to them, refusing to see that it is a gift that just as freely, moves away. When they fall out of love, or the person they love feels the spirit of love leaving, they try desperately to reclaim the love that is lost rather than accepting the gift for what it was, then moving on.

They want answers where there are no answers. They want to know what is wrong in them that makes the other person no longer love them, or try to get their love to change, thinking that if some small things were different, love would bloom again. They blame their circumstances and say that if they go far away and start a new life, their love will grow.

They try anything to give meaning to what has happened. But there is no meaning beyond the love itself, and until they accept its own mysterious ways, they live in a sea of misery.

You need to know this about love, and accept it. You need to treat what it brings you with kindness. If you find yourself in love with someone who does not love you, be gentle with yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. Love just didn’t choose to rest in the other person’s heart.

If you find yourself someone in love with you but you don’t love him back, feel honored that love came and called at your door, but gently refuse the gift you cannot return. Do not take advantage; do not cause pain. How you deal with love is how you deal with yourself. All our hearts feel the same pains and joys, even if our lives and ways are different.

If you fall in love with another, and he falls in love with you, and then love chooses to leave, do not try to reclaim it nor to assess blame. Let it go. There is a reason and there is a meaning. You will know in time.

Remember that you don’t choose love. Love chooses you. All you can really do is accept it for all its mystery when it comes into your life. Feel the way it fills you to overflowing, then reach out and give it away. Give it back to the person who brought it alive in you. Give it to others who deem it poor in spirit. Give it to the world around you in any way you can.

There is where many lovers go wrong. Having been so long without love, they understand love only as a need. They see their hearts as empty places that will be filled by love, and they begin to look at love as something that flows to them rather than from them.

The first blush of new love is filled to overflowing, but as their love cools, they revert to seeing their love as a need. They cease to be someone who generates love and instead become someone who seeks love. They forget that the secret of love is that it is a gift, and that it can be made to grow only by giving it away.

Remember this and keep it to your heart. Love has its time, its own season, its own reason for coming and going. You cannot bribe it or coerce it, or reason it into staying. You can only embrace it when it arrives and give it away when it comes to you. But if it chooses to leave from your heart or from the heart of your lover, there is nothing you can do and there is nothing you should do. Love always has been and always will be a mystery.

Cleffairy: Sometimes, letting go is also a form of love. A form of love that needs more courage than holding on. If only I have that sort of courage.

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Finding my lost memories…

As of late, I am not doing so well, and I began to wonder, why and when did my started to become so difficult, so complicated, and so many expectations to fulfill. And so many people I need to impress and I am burdened with so many responsibilities that sometimes is not even mine on my shoulder. I feel that sometimes it is too much that I can bursts, or even having an emotional breakdown.

I wanted to write about politics, relationship, or even bigger things that matters, but I found that I couldn’t. At least, not now, though there are many issues that is plaguing my mind. I needed time to reflect, on where my future lies. On whether I should carry on living like an empty shell, or should I stop and start to make myself happy instead of others.

I kept thinking of the times where I used to indulge myself with small things that makes my happiness worthwhile. Back then, happiness is not something hard to achieve. Happiness did not slip through my fingers all the time and was not short-lived back then. I had not much money then, but I did not worry. I had problems then, but it was easily solved. Unlike now. Things gets complicated and how I’m supposed to unravel it, is still a mystery.

These days, I feel as if there’s missing pieces in me. Something that is not quite right, and no matter how I tried, I couldn’t put words into it. Some part of me is missing.I did not know what it was.

Then, last night, when I was listening to some songs that I probably have listened a million times a few years back, I realized what it was.

I grew up, I matured, and therefore, I lost some part of me in the process. Important part of me. While I realize that there is no way in hell I will be able to collect the shattered missing pieces of my life , I pine for the times where life was so simple and I have low expectation on everything. I was carefree, and above all, I was not so sacrificial. I do things that makes myself happy.I balanced between my responsibilities and my own happiness. I did well back then.

I did not give a damn on what people say or think about me. I really wonder why it is so hard to do now. And I wonder why did I changed so much… after all, it’s not even 2 years yet since I last felt so contented, happy and carefree. Back then, I feel like I’m on top of the world, though I’m on lows. But now, I feel like in the pit of hell even when I’m on top.

Perhaps, I should stop trying to impress others. Then only I would be happy. Perhaps, I shouldn’t give a damn about people, then only I’d be contented. Isn’t it stupid to care for people who wouldn’t even bother to give a damn about you and only find faults in you every time they crossed pass with you. Isn’t it a waste of time, effort and breath, trying to impress such people? Why bother trying to be in people’s good books when they won’t even bother to see the good you have done?

Maybe all of me is not lost, as I managed to remember how I was like 2 years back. My brain worked like a diary last night and I find myself smiling at those wonderful moments that made me feel that what becomes of the world and the people in it doesn’t matter anymore.

Perhaps, just perhaps, all is not lost. Perhaps, all I need to do is find my lost memories, revive it, relive it and things will be better once again.

I wonder, how many of you out there found yourself in my predicament at some point in my life? Did you ever come across someone who asked you what changed you, and you shurgs them off, telling them these…

 

“Life happened.”

“Love happened.”

“Marriage happened.”

“Children happened.”

“Family happened.”

“In laws happened.”

“Financial problems happened.”

 

and so the list goes on…

Anyway,this entry, is for those people who are responsible making my memories whole. This is for all of you… people in my life, 2 years back. You know who you are.  I’ll treasure you and cherish you, for as long I could.

Cleffairy: I grew up, and I lost an important part myself in the process. Perhaps, this is a good time to find myself again.

[youtube=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JvWWDZuQUKE]

The song is Tower of The Goddess- Memories of Ossyria.

I dedicate this song to you people who made a part of my life wonderful. This is for you people in FantasyStars, Griffindor, Celestial, HeavennHell. This is especially for Seng, Francesca, Uncle Pui, PetPetgirl, Simplysimson, Starsecrets, Sorlo and Sorpo. This is for all of you. Thank you for being a part of my memories and making part of my life worth living.

 

ps: Don’t you just missed the time where we had to listen to this song over and over again until we could vomit blood? LOL… I miss those times.

 

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Help needed? Fuck you!

I was a naive fool when it comes to helping people. Not to say that I am a charitable person, but then again, I usually will try my best to help people who are in need. But truthfully, I get sick and tired of helping people.

Especially in terms of financial problems-because I am struggling trying to make my ends meet and feeding my own bloody family and whatever nonsense that comes along with it. I hate it when people take advantage of me and my family, just because they know that we will try our best to help those who are in need.

I don’t know who to blame, but it seems that people around me are poor in upbringing that they are willing to go around begging for money when they are perfectly healthy and capable of earning money themselves. I may be able to tolerate for first and second time, but not the third. I had enough.

They said-they just want to borrow the money, but by the end of the day, or even years, we’ll never get back the money that we borrowed to them.It is easy to say no when they’re just friends or colleagues, but it is definitely not easy when it is your relatives or your fucking in laws. You don’t give them the money, they’ll cry foul and make people misunderstood your reluctance to help them. And  they too will tell people that you’re the kind of people who couldn’t care less if they were to suicide before your very eyes.

It is just sickening that these people simply asks for money from others, take em for their own use, not thinking that the people that they took the money from too have their own sets of financial difficulties.

Just because one does not announce to the world that they are having financial problems, it does not mean that the person in question does not have any financial problems at all. It is just a matter of common sense that one should not announce their financial problems to outsiders.

It is just horrible when you simply cannot say no to the people who asks to borrow money from you, promising you that they will soon return the money as soon as they can. But at the end or the day or decades, they will treat their ‘debts’ as something that never happened before.

I know what my father will tell me if I told him such problems that’s bothering me at the moment. He will definitely tell me that all of these nonsense has to stop. There is no easy way in settling your problems or succeeding in career or life, and if you have financial problems, by all means, do your best to earn the money to support yourself instead of begging around for it.

And now, I’d like to say the same thing to the certain someone in my life at the moment, only in a more crude way.

“Screw you, bastard. If you have no money, just go and sell that asshole of yours in a gay bar. It probably can fetch more money than extorting from me.”

I am sorry of this entry bothers my precious readers, but I really do hope that the certain someone will come to my blog and READ about this and stop bothering me ever again!

And no, I don’t care if this will severe our blood ties, because as far as I am concern, you only see me as an ATM machine, not your relative. All these while, my family have been helping yours and when my family is in trouble, where the fuck did you and your clan go? Not only you did not help, but you make things worst for us instead by badmouthing us. So, yeah, basically, all I’m trying to say is, go and fuck your own asshole.

Cleffairy: As much as I hate people who borrow money from others and never returning them, I don’t think I can tolerate ball -less men who runs to their mummy each time they encounter problems even more! I think most women out there are even above these men, because when they are married and have families of their own, women hardly runs back to their own family for help. Some women persevere better then some of those weaklings.

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When You Divorce Me, Carry Me Out in Your Arms

From Jewish Art, edited by Grace Cohen Grossma...
Image via Wikipedia

I stumbled upon this in my email this morning when I was having a cuppa tea, and somehow, it made me ponder. So, my married and unmarried readers, I’d like to share the story with you.

On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms. The bridal car stopped in front of our one-room flat. My buddies insisted that I carry her out of the car in my arms. So I carried her into our home. She was then plump and shy.. I was a strong and happy bridegroom.

This was the scene ten years ago.

The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water: we had a kid; I went into business and tried to make more money. When the assets were steadily increasing, the affection between us seemed to ebb. She was a civil servant. Every morning we left home together and got home almost at the same time. Our kid was studying in a boarding school.

Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy. But the calm life was more likely to be affected by unpredictable changes.

Dew came into my life.

It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony. Dew hugged me from behind. My heart once again was immersed in her stream of love. This was the apartment I bought for her.

Dew said, you are the kind of man who best draws girls’ eyeballs. Her words suddenly reminded me of my wife. When we were just married, my wife said, Men like you, once successful, will be very attractive to girls.

Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant. I knew I had betrayed my wife.. But I couldn’t help doing so.

I moved Dew’s hands aside and said you go to select some furniture, O.K.? I’ve got something to do in the company. Obviously she was unhappy, because I had promised to do it together with her. At the moment, the idea of divorce became clearer in my mind although it used to be something impossible to me.

However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it. No matter how mildly I mentioned it to her, she would be deeply hurt.

Honestly, she was a good wife. Every evening she was busy preparing dinner. I was sitting in front of the TV. The dinner was ready soon. Then we watched TV together. Or, I was lounging before the computer, visualizing Dew’s body. This was the means of my entertainment.

One day I said to her in a slightly joking way, suppose we divorce, what will you do? She stared at me for a few seconds without a word. Apparently she believed that divorce was something too far away from her. I couldn’t imagine how she would react once she got to know I was serious.

When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped out. Almost all the staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to hide something while talking to her. She seemed to have got some hint. She gently smiled at my subordinates. But I read some hurt in her eyes.

Once again, Dew said to me, He Ning, divorce her, O.K.? Then we live together. I nodded. I knew I could not hesitate any more.

When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand. I’ve got something to tell you, I said. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the serious topic calmly.

She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I’m serious. I avoided her question. This so-called answer made her angry.. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man!

That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to Dew.

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. I felt a pain in my heart. The woman who had been living ten years with me would become a stranger one day. But I could not take back what I had said.

Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer.

Late that night, I came back home after entertaining my clients. I saw her writing something at the table. I fall asleep fast. When I woke up, I found she was still there. I turned over and was asleep again.

She brought up her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but I was supposed to give her one month s time before divorce, and in the month’s time we must live as normal a life as possible. Her reason was simple: our son would finish his summer vacation a month later and she didn’t want him to see our marriage was broken.

She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then asked me, He Ning, do you still remember how I entered our bridal room on the wedding day? This question suddenly brought back all those wonderful memories to me. I nodded and said, I remember. You carried me in your arms, she continued, so, I have a requirement, that is, you carry me out in your arms on the day when we divorce. From now to the end of this month, you must carry me out from the bedroom to the door every morning.

I accepted with a smile. I knew she missed those sweet days and wished to end her marriage romantically.

I told Dew about my wife s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she does, she has to face the result of divorce, she said scornfully. Her words more or less made me feel uncomfortable.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. We even treated each other as a stranger. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, Let us start from today, don’t tell our son. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for a bus, I drove to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this intimate woman carefully for a long time. I found she was not young any more. There were some fine wrinkles on her face.

On the third day, she whispered to me, the outside garden is being demolished. Be careful when you pass there.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we were still an intimate couple and I was holding my sweetheart in my arms. The visualization of Dew became vague.

On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such as, where she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while cooking, etc. I nodded. The sense of intimacy was even stronger. I didn’t tell Dew about this.

I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. I said to her, It seems not difficult to carry you now. She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out. She tried quite a few but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I smiled. But I suddenly realized that it was because she was thinner that I could carry her more easily, not because I was stronger. I knew she had buried all the bitterness in her heart. Again, I felt a sense of pain.. Subconsciously I reached out a hand to touch her head.

Our son came in at the moment. Dad, it’s time to carry mum out. He said. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had been an essential part of his life. She gestured our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face because I was afraid I would change my mind at the last minute. I held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, as if we came back to our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad.

On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. She said, actually I hope you will hold me in your arms until we are old.

I held her tightly and said, both you and I didn’t notice that our life lacked intimacy.

I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my decision. I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door. I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I won’t divorce. I’m serious.

She looked at me, astonished. The she touched my forehead. You got no fever.. She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I can only say sorry to you, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of life, not because we didn’t love each other any more. Now I understand that since I carried her into the home, she gave birth to our child, I am supposed to hold her until I am old. So I have to say sorry to you.

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove to the office.

When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for my wife which was her favorite. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until we are old.

Cleffairy: Unfortunately in the real world, bitches always have their ways. 🙁

To my married and unmarried friends:

This is a very touching story, please read it slowly, I’ve read it more than twice….

When You Divorce Me, Carry Me Out in Your Arms

On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms. The bridal car stopped in front of our one-room flat. My buddies insisted that I carry her out of the car in my arms. So I carried her into our home. She was then plump and shy.. I was a strong and happy bridegroom.

This was the scene ten years ago.

The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water: we had a kid; I went into business and tried to make more money. When the assets were steadily increasing, the affection between us seemed to ebb. She was a civil servant. Every morning we left home together and got home almost at the same time. Our kid was studying in a boarding school.

Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy. But the calm life was more likely to be affected by unpredictable changes.

Dew came into my life.

It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony. Dew hugged me from behind. My heart once again was immersed in her stream of love. This was the apartment I bought for her.

Dew said, you are the kind of man who best draws girls’ eyeballs. Her words suddenly reminded me of my wife. When we were just married, my wife said, Men like you, once successful, will be very attractive to girls.

Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant. I knew I had betrayed my wife.. But I couldn’t help doing so.

I moved Dew’s hands aside and said you go to select some furniture, O.K.? I’ve got something to do in the company. Obviously she was unhappy, because I had promised to do it together with her. At the moment, the idea of divorce became clearer in my mind although it used to be something impossible to me.

However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it. No matter how mildly I mentioned it to her, she would be deeply hurt.

Honestly, she was a good wife. Every evening she was busy preparing dinner. I was sitting in front of the TV. The dinner was ready soon. Then we watched TV together. Or, I was lounging before the computer, visualizing Dew’s body. This was the means of my entertainment.

One day I said to her in a slightly joking way, suppose we divorce, what will you do? She stared at me for a few seconds without a word. Apparently she believed that divorce was something too far away from her. I couldn’t imagine how she would react once she got to know I was serious.

When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped out. Almost all the staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to hide something while talking to her. She seemed to have got some hint. She gently smiled at my subordinates. But I read some hurt in her eyes.

Once again, Dew said to me, He Ning, divorce her, O.K.? Then we live together. I nodded. I knew I could not hesitate any more.

When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand. I’ve got something to tell you, I said. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the serious topic calmly.

She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I’m serious. I avoided her question. This so-called answer made her angry.. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man!

That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to Dew.

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. I felt a pain in my heart. The woman who had been living ten years with me would become a stranger one day. But I could not take back what I had said.

Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer.

Late that night, I came back home after entertaining my clients. I saw her writing something at the table. I fall asleep fast. When I woke up, I found she was still there. I turned over and was asleep again.



She brought up her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but I was supposed to give her one month s time before divorce, and in the month’s time we must live as normal a life as possible. Her reason was simple: our son would finish his summer vacation a month later and she didn’t want him to see our marriage was broken.

She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then asked me, He Ning, do you still remember how I entered our bridal room on the wedding day? This question suddenly brought back all those wonderful memories to me. I nodded and said, I remember. You carried me in your arms, she continued, so, I have a requirement, that is, you carry me out in your arms on the day when we divorce. From now to the end of this month, you must carry me out from the bedroom to the door every morning.

I accepted with a smile. I knew she missed those sweet days and wished to end her marriage romantically.

I told Dew about my wife s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she does, she has to face the result of divorce, she said scornfully. Her words more or less made me feel uncomfortable.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. We even treated each other as a stranger. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, Let us start from today, don’t tell our son. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for a bus, I drove to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this intimate woman carefully for a long time. I found she was not young any more. There were some fine wrinkles on her face.

On the third day, she whispered to me, the outside garden is being demolished. Be careful when you pass there.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we were still an intimate couple and I was holding my sweetheart in my arms. The visualization of Dew became vague.

On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such as, where she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while cooking, etc. I nodded. The sense of intimacy was even stronger. I didn’t tell Dew about this.

I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. I said to her, It seems not difficult to carry you now. She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out. She tried quite a few but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I smiled. But I suddenly realized that it was because she was thinner that I could carry her more easily, not because I was stronger. I knew she had buried all the bitterness in her heart. Again, I felt a sense of pain.. Subconsciously I reached out a hand to touch her head.

Our son came in at the moment. Dad, it’s time to carry mum out. He said. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had been an essential part of his life. She gestured our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face because I was afraid I would change my mind at the last minute. I held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, as if we came back to our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad.

On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. She said, actually I hope you will hold me in your arms until we are old.

I held her tightly and said, both you and I didn’t notice that our life lacked intimacy.

I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my decision. I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door. I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I won’t divorce. I’m serious.

She looked at me, astonished. The she touched my forehead. You got no fever.. She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I can only say sorry to you, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of life, not because we didn’t love each other any more. Now I understand that since I carried her into the home, she gave birth to our child, I am supposed to hold her until I am old. So I have to say sorry to you.

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove to the office.

When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for my wife which was her favorite. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until we are old.

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Joint Responsibility

I’ve been meaning to write about this since last year, and I have no idea why I’ve been procrastinating writing this down. Perhaps, my temper did not flare enough for me to put it into words. Or perhaps, it is because only today I felt the need to express this, as I’ve seen no changes or progress in the matter that I shall soon delve in.

Frankly speaking though, it’s neither. It is actually because, all my life, I’ve always felt that I delivered my thoughts better through writing than merely speaking. People in my life simply DO NOT LISTEN, or PRETENDED not to, and usually, I have no other place to vent my anger besides places where I could write them down.

Talking to people in my life sometimes is as useless as talking to the wall. Believe me, it’s not that I did not try to communicate what’s bothering me, but they are hardheaded and sometimes do not listen to other’s advice for they think they are such smart ass when the fact is they are a true jackass. I always ended up angrier when I spoke about it because it simply do not work with the hardheaded bastards. I’ve always feel that at least, when I blog about certain matters that’s eating me alive I get a more desirable respond than confronting the matter.

So, allow me to talk about this: Joint responsibility.

No, I’m not talking about joint responsibilities between spouses in their respective household, that will have to wait until next time. This time I’d like to talk about joint responsibility between siblings in caring for elder relatives- such as an aging parent, dying relatives, etc.

You see, dear readers, I’ve always hate freeloaders. They work me up to the point that I feel that I would tear my own head apart if I could. They pissed me off to no end, because ever since I was a little girl, I was thought to walk with my chin up and with dignity and pride, and no matter what I do, I must not freeload on others. I was thought not to beg for help, even if I’m starving on the street.

For some this may not be such a good trait, cuz it often tends to make one suffer than having an easy and luxurious life. But it works for me. It makes me what I am today. It makes me stronger.

Yes, my father had taught me well. He not only taught me the ways of the world, but he also thought me to be a responsible person- where I must be responsible for myself and people around me. And as a firstborn, I was also thought to care for the younger and have compassion for the elders. So even if I don’t like it, I will still be responsible for what I am supposed to be responsible with.

Unfortunately for me, and perhaps my little family too, other people’s father and mothers did not have enough conscience to teach their children what my father had instilled into me through his wise words and actions.

They had spoiled their children rotten, and they were not thought to be responsible even for themselves, and in the end, they take the easy way out by literally going around freeloading and behaves like an irresponsible fool, even when they are already married and have children of their own. These people have a mindset that I could not bear; which is people will clear up their problems for them each time they ask for help.

These people too are the kind of people who will without a doubt forsake their aging parents when the time comes for them to take care of their aging parents. They will give many kind of excuses so that they will not need to take responsibility and be a responsible person. They prefer to pass on their responsibility to their siblings who sometimes have no choice but to take sole responsibility on their aging or sick parents just because the other one absolutely refuse to take do their part and share the responsibility of taking care of their elders.

Among lames excuses that I’ve heard countlessly before and I don’t doubt that I’ll be hearing them again are until the day that I breathe my last:

1. Mum/dad prefers you over me. So just let them stay with you.

2. I’m not financially stable yet. I may be sacked soon… or demoted… or you name it.

3. The economy is not good, I need extra cash to feed my family. Why don’t you take responsibility? Your financial seems better than mine.

4. I have more children than you, whom are going to school… bla bla bla… your brat is not going to school yet, you have less burden than me, so why don’t you take responsibility?

5. My wife/ spouse does not get along well with with the in laws. I will get into HUGE trouble if I take care of of mum/dad. You wouldn’t want me to get into a huge fight and ruin my marriage, will you?

They will give countless of excuses so that they will not be burdened with the joint responsibility of taking care of their aging parents. Taking care of their parents, or giving some sort of allowance to them is considered a gruesome task. They care for nothing but themselves and their own happiness. They gave no thoughts that their behaviour gave problems to their siblings who finds it hard to take responsibility on their aging parents all by themselves-morally and financially.

They said the aging parent in question prefers the other sibling them. But the fact is, their attitude displease everyone. Everyone gets sick of them, and even when people express displeasure towards their irresponsible attitude, they turn blind eye towards the issue and they flare their bloody tempers.

They tell people that their financially unstable and therefore, other sibling(s) who earns more should take sole responsibility on caring for their aging parents. But to me, this is just excuse. If they can afford to spoil their spouse and children with luxury and feed their brats til they become a glutton of a pig, and lavish their wives with expensive and unnecessary things or invest in countless insurance so that they could die a rich man, why can’t they contribute a penny or two as well?

They always say they have no money. Frankly speaking, I just think it’s either a lame excuse to escape the responsibility or poor personal financial management. If their other sibling who earns less than them could take on the responsibility, why can’t they? It only comes to one thing: They do not want to be responsible. THEY DO NOT WANT TO BE RESPONSIBLE! That is why!

They say they have more children, and therefore, the cost of their upbringing is higher than the other siblings. I suppose it never crossed their birdbrain that their siblings too have burdens of their own, and their action have cost problems to their sibling’s family as well.

They said, their spouse does not like their aging parents, and if they provide a roof over the  aging parent’s head, World War III will erupt. My word! I can’t believe it never crossed their mind that their siblings too will have problems with their spouse if they take on the responsibility completely on their own.

I’ve always hate these kind of people, and I can never find it in my heart to respect them, especially when they are a older than me. It disgust me to no end, no matter what excuses they give to justify their action. Never ever ask me to respect these kind of people because if you do, all you get will only be my wrath. I don’t have even a morsel of respect or admiration for such people.

My respect is not for these kind of irresponsible, selfish and obnoxious bastards. They are definitely intolerable, and if they are dead the next minute of my life, I will not mourn for them. Instead, I’ll be having a party to celebrate the fact that one more useless person in my life is gone for good. The absence of these kind of people is a relief, for they only burden others. Good riddance to bad rubbish, I must say.

Unfortunately, irresponsible and selfish people do not die easily. They just don’t get it, and they won’t disappear and I can only hope that retribution will come without fail, and in the future, they will be placed in the same predicament that they have put their parents or their siblings through. Children usually learn from example. And being irresponsible is not a good example to growing children. I hope, one day, they will feel how it is like when their children behave as irresponsible as them when they are old and senile.


Cleffairy: It disgust me that sometimes, people who are older than me are incapable of being responsible for themselves and failed to do their part in caring for their elders. Never ever ask me to give face or demand me to respect these kind of people, because they only deserve blasphemy from me. You want respect from me because I am younger than you? Earn it then!

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