I was named after the Queen of England. My name is Elizabeth. The Spanish called me Isabel while the French knows me as Isabelle. People who are closed to me called me Liz or Lizzie, because they can’t be bothered calling me by my whole blessed name.
Some people are just goddamn blessed that they are born in the world where democracy is practiced, and I’m not the heir to any throne, or Elizabeth I of England herself, for I might have ruled with my iron fists, and send heads rolling.
You read it right. I would have sent heads rolling, and I probably wouldn’t feel a thing about it. Cruel, yes. I am cruel. I can be extremely cruel when I want to be. And I would have made sure people remembers me for that so that they know they shouldn’t mess with me in the first place.
People are just so lucky that they are not my subjects, as while I’m very easy to please and I take delights in little pleasures the world have to offer me, I am also a very bad tempered and unforgiving woman.
I don’t forgive easily. I may have grown up like a little princess where I was taught of horseback riding, archery, chess, literature, philosophies, history, mythology and politics as early as five years old (yes, my father seen to it that I grew up like a princess, knowing what a princess should know- the only thing that I lack would probably be music and fencing), but the world had seen to it that I don’t grow up to be a weak fairy tale princess who had herself under illusion that the world is made of cotton candy, soft and sweet.
My father used to tell me that I was rather sharp-minded when I bothered to be as a child. And he was right at some point, as I don’t need to be Henry VIII’s daughter to realize that the world is a place that’s full of people who can’t wait to betray each other for their own benefit. I grew up to be rather aware of my surroundings, and I don’t trust people or respect people easily, even as a child.
And so, when I say I trust you and respect you, then you’re one of the lucky few, and you better not do anything to destroy my trust, for once it’s broken, I shall never give it back, and I’d do anything in my power to make you regret that you’ve ever been born. Yes, consider this as a warning.
Some people… they are just damn lucky that I am not a monarch, as I am quite a territorial being. I loathe it when people do as they pleased in my home, and I absolutely resent people who touched my things without permission and enter my domains to do as they please without considering my feelings on that matter. That is absolute disrespect and insult to me. Oh yes, some people are just lucky, for if I am Elizabeth I and those people are my subject, I’d have them hanged and quartered for even dare to think of touching what belongs to me. They are blessed, and lucky indeed that I am not a Queen who rule over them.
Some people are just goddamn lucky, but the world is not blessed enough to have me as a Queen, as I would have done whatever it is in power to protect my country and put it’s interest before me and I wouldn’t punish people for their faith, but punish them for their deeds and wrongdoings instead. It’s a trait many rulers and government lack, don’t you think?
Quote from Cleffairy’s latest novel: Give me not the quill and ink, for I shall sign your death warrant.
I used to think that a woman, especially a wife, knows her man better than anyone else in the world. But I’ve come to realization that this sort of thinking is actually very shallow. We women actually do not know our men better. We are actually clueless on what’s going on in a man’s head, and a man’s bodily reaction. Just like men are clueless on what’s going on in women’s head, and her bodily reactions.
Why do I say this? Well, I stumbled upon a few ‘interesting’ male blog, that taught me a lot about men. And if I’m honest to myself, these men taught me more about men than anybody else could.
These men, rendered me speechless with their articles and opinions about men, relationships, and sexuality. These men, are good… really, really good, but I’m not sure if I should put the link of their blog here, or even add them in my blogroll, as these men, are actually homosexual. I’m not sure if they wanted to be exposed, and I better be safe than sorry.
I should respect their privacy rather than mentioning their blog link over here. Even if I did put their link in my blogroll, it would strictly be invisible to others, as unless permission is granted, I would want them to remain ‘protected’. All because I respect their privacy and would not want people who do not share the same sentiment with them to go there and condemn their ways of life.
Let me be frank here. 3 years back, when I was fighting off my depression by immersing myself in online gaming, I came to know a friend, who became homosexual, or accurately speaking, bisexual after he got married to his wife.
As time goes by, and we played together in the game more and more often, I became rather close to him, and soon, he became my godbrother and he exposed to me about himself more than before. I was aghast to to hear him confess to me that he’s actually a homosexual. I was rather… naive back then. I couldn’t understand why a man could choose to be a gay after marrying a woman. I accused him of so many things. Heartless and cruel is one of it.
Don’t get me wrong. Some of you might think that he and his wife are having a problematic marriage. That’s not a fact, though. My godbrother told me that his wife is an absolute angel, and has done him no wrong. She’s the kind of wife any man could ask for. Good in bed, excellent cook and a doting mother. He mentioned to me that his wife does not know of his sexual preference. He said, he doesn’t have what it takes to break his wife’s heart who loved him with all of her heart and soul. And when asked about his sexual relations with his wife, he told me that he just have sex with her out of responsibility. To say that I was shocked is an understatement.
He mentioned that he’s happily married with his wife and kids, and yet, there’s a void in his heart that not even his wife could fill. He had mentioned to me before that while his wife is the perfect wife who love him and care for him, she couldn’t really understand his sexual needs and his feelings. I wasn’t really sure what he meant by that, though, but he told me that sometimes, women just don’t understand men. I could only pray and hope that his wife would never find out, because I know, as no wife could take it if their husband turned gay after marrying them. It hurt our womanly ego, seriously.Having our husband turning gays after marrying us is probably as horrible as catching our husband fucking their own mother on the bed that we shared together.
Personally, I think I could comprehend it somehow if my husband finds other woman. It might mean that I am not good enough or the bitch in question is better at seducing my husband. But if my husband turns gay after marrying me, what does that make me? I don’t think I can understand that. I might even think that I am not good enough as a woman that drives him to turn gay after marriage.
Anyway, I always begged my godbrother to repent. I may not be religious, but I am rather God fearing. I always tells him not to continue his ways, as I think, God will punish him for having affair with another man.
I said many nasty things to my godbrother back then, but he was rather fond of me. He never once lashed at me for hurting his feelings by not being supportive of his sexual preference. Instead of getting mad at me for saying nasty things to him, my godbrother actually teased me that I could never understand how he feels as I am not exposed to the world of homosexuality. He told me that a woman who married her first love won’t really understand the world of gay-ism and lesbianism. (That’s me, I married my first love).
He asked me a few questions that made me completely speechless back then. These are some of his question:
“Mei, have you ever feel that your husband couldn’t understand how you feel at times and it frustrate you?”
“Mei Mei, have you ever feel frustrated that your husband could not satisfy you sexually, and you resent the fact that sometimes, he’s just so selfish in bed? You got so fed up that he just sleeps off after getting what he wants from you, and you silently wish that someone would bother to initiate afterplay after having sex with you?”
“Mei, have you ever feel empty when your husband did not really bother to listen to you? Instead, he brushes you off, and you wish that someone could really sit and listen to your problems instead. You wish for someone who would just listen, not tell you off or even suggest you the solutions to your problems.”
I was stunned with his question. He probably knew that if I’m honest to myself, the answers to the questions would be yes. And so, he proceeds by telling me that sometimes, it’s not just because you’re sexually attracted to your own sex that it caused you to become homosexual.
Sometimes, it is the void that your spouse could not fill that cause you to have such tendency towards homosexuality. Because for what it’s worth, people of your own sex tends to understand your emotional needs better than people from the opposite sex. They too, knows about your sexual reactions better than the opposite sex, because they are same species as you. They know where to touch, where to hold, where to caress to inspire sexual satisfaction from you, as their body works the same way too. When I think about homosexuality that way, I seriously think I need to apologize to my godbrother. Who am I to judge, anyway?I’m not an angel. I should not judge people’s personal life and sexual preference.
My godbrother rather have a man in his bed rather than his wife not because he doesn’t love her, but because he felt incomplete. He said, a lot of men are like that, but not many chooses his way of life. And he told me not to be afraid about it either, as not everyone are like that. Not everyone have such tendency after getting married.
I find his assurance is true, as I know of a girl who is a lesbian and has been living with with her lesbian partner for almost 6 years now. She was never married before. I could have accuse her for being that way as she was hurt badly by men and got sick of men that it made her a lesbian, but that was not it either. She told me that she just like woman, and men doesn’t held any appeal to her.
Truth be told, sometimes, I find men who are homosexual very attractive. They not only understand men better, but they understand women better too!
Bottomline is, I may not understand why some people choose to be homosexual, because I’m straight, but I guess, when it comes to love, it does not discriminate on your race, your age or even your gender. Who can explain love, anyway? I know I can’t explain love. I am still learning how to really love and understand the mystery of it. But if you can explain to me about homosexuality and love, I would really appreciate it. I would like to understand. It’s all right if you want to protect your identity by leaving anonymous comment. Just help me understand. I want to understand.
Cleffairy: Make love, and not war, let’s have more peace on Earth.
Hmmm… I think I’m going to post up my frugal recipes on weekends from now on. It’s kinda nice to blog about food for a change. But my recipes would be frugal recipes or aphrodisiac, and the recipes would be really simple to follow.
I don’t think I have what it takes to be a gourmet chef, anyway. My purpose of cooking is solely concentrated on feeding hungry mouth…anything goes for me, as long as it’s edible.
I’m a small eater, but I hate to see food goes to waste. Remember my previous entry about Frugal Spaghetti? Well… I have plenty of leftover pasta sauce and spaghetti, even after walloping 6-7 meals of it. So, I decided to improvise a bit by cooking a simple fried spaghetti meal, as the leftovers are not quite enough to make a decent regular spaghetti meal.
Make a ‘hole’ in the middle of the wok by pushing the spaghetti aside, and crack the piece off egg into it. It should look like the picture below:
Wait til the egg is half cooked before stirring the spaghetti once again. The spaghetti should be slightly sticky with the egg when you serve it. More or less, the spaghetti should look like the picture below when it’s done.
Best eaten when piping hot. Suitable to be served as dinner or lunch.
Getting to know mature and wise fellow bloggers out there, like Shakira, Claire, Eugene and STP made me learn a lot. I feel tiny in comparison to them, all because they are wiser, and have been through rougher times than me. They made me realize that life is a tough, but a wonderful journey. It’s just like sailing in a stormy sea. You just needs to stay strong and be courageous in order to survive and not drown instead.
My days are usually bad, as I have sleeping problems and whatnots. But these days, I tend to count my blessing, even when I had a rough day and nothing good actually happened.
There’s not much I can write today, cuz I had terrible, nasty headache, and my Muse avoided me like a plague. I couldn’t really do anything today, but out of boredom, I went on youtube, and found this Italian/Neapolitan song, O Sole Mio, sang by the late Maestro Luciano Parvarotti and the hot hunk Bryan Adams, and I couldn’t help but feel grateful and blessed that I met my husband and married him.
Do you know why I feel that way? Oh, well, most of you might not realize it as I sounded very fierce and firm with my stands in my articles and my comments. But truthfully, I am a hopeless romantic inside, and I have a hunch that if I didn’t meet my husband almost 8 years ago, I would have definitely fall in love with the person who serenade O Sole Mio to me. Or even worst, I could have married the first person who proposed to me by singing this song beneath my bedroom window.
I could have ended up with someone like Parvarotti, for all I care. You see, I’m not the kind who would fall in love with people for their looks and looks alone. Call me weird, but I consider people’s voice a a charming trait. While some woman may go for men who are loaded, I couldn’t care less if the man is penniless. As long as the man is… ahemm… a passionate man and can demonstrate to me that he’s a good and exhilarating lover, then my heart is all gone. I’d choose a single stalk of a rose rather than a huge hunk of diamond. I’d go for a love letter any day rather than expensive gifts. And I definitely go for a virile young man who could satisfy me in bed rather than a financially stable, elderly man who can lay a kingdom at my feet but could not perform in bed.
Passionately hopeless, isn’t it? But I can’t help it. That’s who I actually am. Even my own love story with my husband involved fireworks, roses, romantic visits through the window and a whirlwind romance. I am not sure if I want to share my love story with all of you, as it’s quite X-rated.
I don’t know how your love stories with your sweethearts goes, but mine is rather an old fashion courting rather than the modern ones. I never once go dating with him in a cinema, and instead of going for clubbing or something of that sort, we waltzed beneath the fluorescent light back in the hostel room and boy, did we court troubles.
My husband… was quite a Regency Rake type of guy, and I was… let’s say I was a woman, ruled by my hormones. This is going to sound rather shameless, but he had ways with me, and I fell for it. There’s intense chemistry between us back then, and would you be surprised if I say that I knew who was right for me with a mere touch of the hand?
Weird, but true. I’ll be honest here. I used to have crushes on boys when I was in high school, but I know that we’re not meant to be lovers as I feel that they are not for me when I held their hand.
Anyway, for what it’s worth, I am glad that I met my husband. It’s a blessing that I tend to take for granted as time passes by. My passionate and romantic nature could have spelled troubles for me, but I’m glad that I fell for the right person. I could have fall for some Spanish or dangerous Italian Casanova for all I care.
I never do fall for bad-ass kind of guy like most girls do. I have tendency to fall for romantic blokes who would romance me. It would have been disaster for me if I didn’t meet the right one.That thought alone made me shudder.
My own love story is not flawless, and not always romantic, but I did the right thing. I married someone whom I cannot live without, instead just marrying someone whom I can just live with. That alone is a blessing, isn’t it? God does love me after all. He gave me someone to accompany me through this rough life, and I should thank him for that.
It would please me immensely if you could share with me your love story, but if you can’t, it’s all right. I’ll understand, cuz it might be somewhat personal and X-rated too. Whose love story is not X-rated, anyway?
Allow me to end this entry with a songs dedication. ‘O Sole Mio’ and the English rendition of it, ‘It’s Now or Never’ sang by the King of Rock, Elvis Presley. They are beautiful love song, and I suppose, it’s composed to steal someone’s heart.
O Sole Mio – by the late Maestro Luciano Parvarotti & Bryan Adams
Neapolitan lyrics
Che bella cosa e’ na jurnata ‘e sole
n’aria serena doppo na tempesta!
Pe’ ll’aria fresca pare già na festa
Che bella cosa e’ na jurnata ‘e sole
Ma n’atu sole,
cchiù bello, oje ne’
‘O sole mio
sta ‘nfronte a te!
‘O sole, ‘o sole mio
sta ‘nfronte a te!
sta ‘nfronte a te!
Quanno fa notte e ‘o sole se ne scenne,
me vene quase ‘na malincunia;
sotto ‘a fenesta toia restarria
quanno fa notte e ‘o sole se ne scenne.
Ma n’atu sole,
cchiù bello, oje ne’
‘O sole mio
sta ‘nfronte a te!
‘O sole, ‘o sole mio
sta ‘nfronte a te!
sta ‘nfronte a te!
’O SOLE MIO (Translation)
What a beautiful thing is a sunny day,
A gentle breeze after the storm!
Through the fresh air already appears a feast.
What a beautiful thing is a sunny day!
Refrain:
But another, lovelier sun doesn’t exist.
My sun is your face.
The sun, my sun,
Is your face, is your face.
There’s a light in the panes of your window.
A laundress sings and boasts.
While she wrings and spreads and sings,
There’s a light in the panes of your window.
Refrain
When night is falling and the sun is setting,
A feeling almost like melancholy overcomes me.
I would stop under your window,
When night is falling and the sun is setting.
Refrain
English rendition of O Sole Mio- It’s Now Or Never by Elvis Presley
Elvis Presley – It’s Now Or Never Lyrics
It’s now or never,
come hold me tight
Kiss me my darling,
be mine tonight
Tomorrow will be too late,
it’s now or never
My love won’t wait.
When I first saw you
with your smile so tender
My heart was captured,
my soul surrendered
I’d spend a lifetime
waiting for the right time
Now that your near
the time is here at last.
It’s now or never,
come hold me tight
Kiss me my darling,
be mine tonight
Tomorrow will be too late,
it’s now or never
My love won’t wait.
Just like a willow,
we would cry an ocean
If we lost true love
and sweet devotion
Your lips excite me,
let your arms invite me
For who knows when
we’ll meet again this way
It’s now or never,
come hold me tight
Kiss me my darling,
be mine tonight
Tomorrow will be too late,
it’s now or never
My love won’t wait.
It’s Now or Never+ O Sole Mio
Quote from Cleffairy’s novel in progress: I’m afraid that I will say anything to you that might come out wrong, so instead, I will try to tell you with this silence. When you understand the words I’m not saying, then maybe you can teach me to speak again, like you’ve taught my eyes to see, and my heart to love.
‘My Favourite Mistake’ is actually the title of one of my old novel that I wrote on a whim, dating back in 1999. I was rather prolific back then. I had the stamina to write so much that I produce 33 novels by year 2002. I would kill for such stamina now.
As per instructed by my damn letters to myself today, I am supposed to read my old junks and do something about them, but somehow, I found that what I wrote needed a total revamp, cuz it would sounded looney in this age and era.
I wanted to edit some of my old, neglected and forgotten works today, but it seems that my inner editor is not back from her Caribbean vacation yet, so I have to wait til she comes back before I do anything drastic to my novels.
I am not sure if I’d like to share ‘My Favourite Mistake’ with all of you over here, but I surely want to share the moral that I try to deliver in that novel, which is, never, ever be afraid to make mistakes. You see, we are just human. We’re not angels or Saints…we’re far from it.
And therefore, we should not be afraid to make mistakes, and should not allow people tell you what a failure you are when you make big mistakes in your life. You’ll never know if the mistakes you made will turn out to be something good, and is actually a blessing in disguise.
Do you know why we actually make mistakes in our lives? You see, we makes mistakes so that we can grow up, toughen up and wise up. We are not stupid if we make mistakes. We’re only stupid when we make the same mistake twice and did not learn from it at all.
I made a lot of mistakes in my life. Some of the mistakes changed my life drastically. I came to regret and resent some of those mistakes that I made. Sometimes, when I sit down and allow my thoughts wander, I wonder why I was so foolish that I allowed myself to make mistakes? I feel angry at myself for being ignorant and stubborn.
But looking back, I am glad that I made some of those mistakes, because for what it’s worth, I became a better and a more responsible woman as I deal with my mistakes maturely rather than cowering away from it.
People often condemn me and judge me for my mistakes and my decisions. And naturally, I would feel upset when they tell me to my face about it. But I know that people don’t get smart overnight. At least, I don’t. I make mistakes, corrected them and learn from them. I am not a failure, but people who thinks that one should refrain from making mistakes are the biggest loser.
Why do I say this? Well… those people who are afraid to make mistake will refrain themselves from living their life to the fullest as they have fear for falling down. They are the kind of people who would never be strong and attempt to get up when they fall down while people who makes mistake often will know that their failure is just temporary and will nonchalantly bounce back and be in a better shape soon after. People who tackle life as it is without having fear of making mistakes are brave and adventurous, and they should be respected instead of being looked down upon.
I made countless mistakes in my life and it made me a better person in whole. I would have been nothing without those mistakes that I made. I won’t be the woman I am today without those mistakes, and honestly, I am glad that I was brave enough to allow myself to make such mistakes. Even if I could turn back time, I wouldn’t change anything for the world, for I am happy with the outcome, regardless of what people say.
I have my few favourite mistakes that I can proudly tell people. Do you have any?
Quote from ‘My Favourite Mistake’ written by Cleffairy: Life is not a spelling or a grammar test. Don’t be afraid to make mistake. I made a mistake, and I found you. You are my favourite mistake.
Disclaimer: This story is fictional. Any coincidence is purely unintentional.
I’m a little bit rusty with my fairy tales. Been quite some time since I do this, so, please forgive me if this sounds rather… ridiculous. But… I really do want you guys to give me an opinion on this. This may not be up to par to my Farm Stories or even my old Muyyi Skywalker tales that cracked up the hearts of many. I’m afraid, 2009 was a year that did not really inspire me to write my very own fairy tales, and I think, now that I’m feeling particularly inspired, I better write them down before my Muse decided to go on her long MIA again. ( My damn Muse always goes on MIA…stupid bitch!)
Here goes nothing. This fairy’s tale is not suitable for children’s bedtime stories, though, cuz it’s Cleffairy’s very own tale… so tell them at your own risk.
Long, long time ago, in a kingdom not so far a way, there live an Ogre Prince. He was not handsome. In fact, he looks like Shrek. Huge, green, and ugly. He’s not nice looking at all. He’s a grumpy prince. He drinks blood for breakfast, and human that has been quartered and roasted for lunch and dinner. This Ogre Prince, he was so evil that he plotted to get rid of his own twin brother so that he can ascend the throne when he aging father finally died. What a royal family, I must say. The father must have been wanting to die desperately,seeing that he had such an awful son to even begin with.
One day, when the Ogre Prince was riding on his old horse who will die anytime soon out of old age in the forest, he heard a melodious female voice singing. The Ogre Prince was captivated with the siren-like voice, and so, he decided to follow the sound of the voice and was immensely pleased to find that there’s a beautiful bombshell of a maiden, bathing naked while singing at a waterfall.
The bombshell of a maiden was cleaning herself up in a rather erotic manner, leaving less for the imagination and immediately, the Ogre Prince was aroused with the scene played before him.
The Ogre Prince was so horny, you see. He wanted so much to toss the maiden over his shoulder, bring her back to his luxurious castle, dump her unceremoniously on the bed, tie up her hands on the headboard and devour her the way he desires.
But the prince was rather smart. He knows that if he wants the bombshell of a maiden in his bed, he must get her into his bed willingly. Besides, he’s the kind who is scared of pain. He wouldn’t want her to struggle and and kick him on his manhood while he was about to do his deeds. Na… uh… that wouldn’t be good for him, wouldn’t it? He wouldn’t want his little brother down there injured. It will be a waste, cuz he can’t screw anymore bombshells to his heart content if that little one down under can’t perform.
And so, this Ogre Prince stole the beautiful maiden’s clothes that she has taken off before she cleaned herself up. And when the beautiful maiden looked for her clothes in panic, the prince made an appearance, and offered the naive and unsuspecting maiden his shirt to wear. The dumb maiden was of course grateful, and the most idiotic thing was, she followed him back to his luxurious castle when he sweet talked her into it.
The maiden became a guest at the Ogre Prince’s house, and he lavished her with jewelries, and millions of dollars. This is no ordinary fairy tale, so, the girl, though did not fall in love with the damn prince for his good looks and good behaviour, fell in lust with his bling -blings and cashy -cash. And so, when he proposed to her, she agreed readily.
And like any other fairy tales, the prince married the girl, and of course, there’s hot, romp sex involved. Things started to go wrong when the Ogre Prince showed his true colours and began to demonstrate his sadistic streak towards his new teenage wife.
The Prince’s wife freaked out of course, and wanted to be as far as possible from her marriage. She ran back home to her mama. And so, mama dearest took her back in, with loads of nagging and scolding of course.
Her mama wasn’t so pleased that her daughter not only talked to stranger, but followed him home, and married him. It would have been okay if the stranger really did love her truly, but then again, he just wanted to use her to slake his lust. Her mama is a sorceress, you see, and so, she placed protection spells around her so that the Ogre Prince couldn’t find her, and she’ll be spared from being abused physically and sexually again.
The Prince cries foul, and demanded justice be served. He looked for his wife high and lows, and when he couldn’t, he goes to a higher council who usually defended his kind, to search for his wife back. He wants her back in his bed badly, and it hurts his ego that he got ditched by a lowly woman who happens to be his wife, no less.
They searched high and low for her, but they couldn’t catch her and toss her into his bed again, for the girl’s sorceress mama is very, very powerful, and has all but send her pretty little daughter away, far away from the prince’s kingdom.
The prince was pissed. Extremely pissed. Who wouldn’t be pissed? He spent million of dollars to lure her into his bed, and now what does he get? A hard on and the whole world laughing at him cuz he couldn’t control his woman and tie her down. And so he went to the council, and made a demands that she must return to him as soon as possible and do his bidding. Not only that, she must return him all the money he gave her when he was luring her to his bed. He also made a demand that she be loyal to him and return to him immediately
Now, the story is coming to it’s end. Til this very day, the prince had to deal with his frustration, cuz the wife was too scared to go back and let him abuse her further. She live… safely, though not so sure if she found her happily ever after or not. I can be more than sure that she will be happy elsewhere and find her happily ever after if she didn’t return to that blasted husband of hers.
Neway, kids… the moral of this story is… don’t talk to strangers. You’ll never know if they have bad intention like marrying you just so that they could make a sex slave out of you. So, beware of strangers, kids. Don’t talk to them, or even take the money they offered you, even if it’s millions of dollars in cold cash. It might be a bloody trap that will make you not only loose your virginity, but also loose your freedom to walk on the street freely.
Cleffairy: The world is a creepy place. So please, beware of strangers. When in doubt, choose looks over dough. A poor man can’t harm you as much as a rich man can, and walking away would have been easier in the worst case scenario.
I’m afraid I was quite a little witch back then. I used to concoct various beverage that I called Love Potions back then and serve them to my husband. Some of these beverages made appearance in my novels as well, and some of my readers thought that they are fictional, and therefore, did not question me about those fancy beverages that my characters drank. But little did they know that those beverages are real.
I’ve completely forgotten about them until I stumbled across one of STP’s blog entries that reminded me of them and so I looked up my old recipe book and found this one, and I thought that the recipe pages is better off here in my blog rather than rotting away being eaten by bookworms.
Magical Association:
Stimulates playful, light-hearted love and romance. Recommended for those who wanted to impress their love interest.
2 kiwi fruits, peeled and diced
13 frozen/fresh whole strawberries
2 cups of orange juice
1 spoonful of honey (optional)
Place the ingredients in a blender or food processor, and blend until smooth or frothy, and serve chilled, or immediately with a few cubes of ice.
Serves: 2
Quote from Cleffairy’s novel in progress:
My life, my entire existence up until now have been about stopping the heartbeats of others. But now, all I can think about is keeping yours going.
Author’s note: This is for the one whom I love, and means a lot to me.
Do you remember?
The times where we were still young and carefree, and we danced to the song Trouble by Shampoo in front of the whole damn class to see during the year end party? It was corny, and terribly choreographed, but I still remember the laughter and the cheering when we performed the dance for everyone to see. We were wearing tights, and loose t-shirt with awfully thick make up that can put any Opera Ghost to shame. I still have the picture, and each time I looked at it, I cringed and wonder how the hell we survived that dance. I remember that time, and wished we were more sane…but then again, those are the things that I wouldn’t change for the world. That was us…we were brave, and we were carefree…
Do you remember?
The time where we were so pumped up with adrenaline, that we took part in the school sports event? We ran in the sack and raced to the finish line. You were wearing blue, while I was in red. You finished second, while I was third. We both won, and we danced our victory dance with pink coloured pom-poms, uncaring of what the rest of the world thought of us. The picture is still inside my album, and I snorted when I saw how smug our expression bear. The simplest joy of winning a sack race could give us so much pleasure then. It made me wish that sometimes, we could delight in such small victory now and learn to be contented with small victories.
Do you remember?
The times where we karaoke-ed in my house, wanting so much to go on stage for teacher’s day the next day. We sang ‘To Sir With Love’, and I had awful soar throat the next day and we failed to make appearance on the bloody stage. Each time I think of the time, I couldn’t be more thankful that we didn’t go on stage, for it would have been a complete disaster. But do you know what? Secretly, there’s a kinky part of me that wished that we did go on stage, and croak the song out and knock ourselves out. It would have been fun, even if we get booed instead of cheers from the crowd.
Do you remember?
The time when I had a crush on someone, and goes to the beach every evening, just so that I could see him play football and play along with the boys? Your mum sent you along with me, telling you to watch over me. She said “Don’t let her do hanky panky things” and you nodded vigorously. You became my… ahemm… guardian angel, and I secretly wish that you would get your butt out of my face. Now your butts are finally out of my face, but I couldn’t help but wanting you back to be my guardian angel, to protect me from the hurt and the pain, and the countless heartbreaks and disappointments that relationship tend to bring me.
Do you remember?
The time when you had awful crush on someone who is a couple years older than you. He was in the opposite class, and when he was about to leave school, I made the damn sacrifice to accompany you so that you can have his picture and his phone number. His entire class sang “Sannnn sannn yeee liiiinnggg sannn…” and I wanted to do nothing but run when ‘Panda’ caught your love interest and brought him out to you. I was blushing like mad, and told ‘Panda’ that I had chickenpox and needed to leave… but my feet wouldn’t bring me away when I saw you turn red with their teasing. Those were the moments where I feel like I wouldn’t mind if the earth open up and swallow me whole. I wished that we didn’t do such embarrassing thing, but now, thinking back, I wish I was there for you each time you needed courage to do something big in your life. I wish I was there, to nudge you and tell you to pursue what your heart tells you to do.
Do you remember, as time passes by,
You had another crush, who also dwells in the same class as your previous love interest…and I happened to be smitten with his younger brother? We were experimenting with our feelings, then, not knowing how dangerous it is to our hearts. For the first time, I felt hurt, and you were there for me, saying that the jerk was not worth it. You told me that I am beautiful, and do you know something? Each time I feel my confidence is crumbling, I will think of your words, and just remembering them made me feel that I am still beautiful.
Do you remember?
The times when I went to your house to accompany you when your parents were not there? You taught me how to play the piano. It was Ballade Pour Adeline by Richard Keladiman. It may not mean much to you, but do you know how much it meant to me? You made me feel that I could achieve anything if I put my mind to it. You made me feel that I have hidden talent and all I need to do is sharpen it and I will shine, and I am forever indebted to you for such feelings and confidence. I wish…one day…I would be able to play the song for you once again, and make you proud of me.
Do you remember?
The time when you fed me with soft bun topped with Marina Tuna spread with mayonnaise and Anchor cheese? For others, such food might be common. But to me, it was something else. It was comfort food that could warm my heart, as each time I made tuna sandwich, I would remember you and the times we had together without failed.
Do you remember?
The time when we went to Pizza Hut, and I ordered one regular pepperoni pizza, and you thought that the toppings is made out of peppers? I thought you were silly. But now, you won’t go for such food anymore, because you’re watching your weight, and sometimes, I wish that you won’t not worry to much about weight and indulge yourself once in a while.
There are many more things that I wanted to ask if you remembered…but I couldn’t ask you anymore, because the more I write, the more I wish that we could just go back to the time where we were younger, braver and more carefree. The more I think about our past when we were growing up together, the more I wish we had the courage to do whatever our hearts tell us to do and have fun to our hearts contents.
Time passes by. We are older now. We are more mindful of what we do. We fear embarrassment and pain, and therefore, we don’t really have fun anymore, but for what it’s worth, I am glad that we were so carefree and brave, as each time that I feel that I’m at loss, I will recall those time we had together, and it gives me courage to face the blasted world again.
Thank you for being my best friend, Pauline. Thank you so much for the precious memories.This is for you. Happy 26th birthday, Pau. Know this…you’re always more like a sister to me than just a best friend.
This is going to be a short entry, because I was sleeping earlier on and was rudely awaken by damn nightmares again, and I need to get this out of my head. I was dreaming that I got married today, but my ‘wedding’ was somehow trashed by some rude, swearing godzillas run amok. Terrible, terrible dream. I could have sworn that the godzillas and their dinosaur friends were stampeding all over my body.
Anyway, talk about marriage, 01.01.10 is a date, isn’t it. Easy to remember, good for weddings, don’t you think?
I wonder why there’s no news of mass marriage ceremonies on this date? I really do wonder if people prefers 10.10.10 instead of 01.01.10? 10.10.10 certainly doesn’t sounds like a good date to get married to me. It sounded like Death, Death, Death to me in Chinese. LOL…
Anyway, this is just a random entry. I would come back later when I feel more sober and write something less trashy than this entry.
I never do believe in auspicious dates to get married, actually. Dates are just… dates. Days to remember the meaningful occasion by.
If you’re about to get married, you shouldn’t really believe in dates, but believe in the one whom you’ll be married too instead. Have love, faith and hope for your marriage. All auspicious dates in the world could not stop unhappiness, separation and divorce if the couple in question does not work together as a team to make their marriage work. Do you guys agree with me on this? It takes more than auspicious date to have a happy marriage.
Cleffairy: Make your marriage work. Rekindle your romance.
It’s already New Year’s Eve when I’m writing this entry. It’s 3.05am when I started writing this. I couldn’t sleep again, and so, I decided to make use of my time instead of forcing myself to sleep by tossing and turning in bed again.
2009 is by far the toughest and the most educational year for me. I learn a lot of things…the hard way. I’ll tell you what I learned throughout the year.
JANUARY– I learn not to expect much from the people around me. I learned to deal with desperation, frustration and denial.
FEBRUARY– I made a big decision that I thought will do good for me and my family, only to live to regret it, because it complicates my life terribly. I learn that it does one no good if they stop staying strong and admitting that they need help. One should learn to persevere. During this month, I also learned that sometimes I need to share my loved ones with people that I am not particularly fond of. But on a lighter note, during February, I also learned that people change. And to some people, love is unconditional. I learned that we need to give people a second chance, and we should not really look back and condemn the mistakes that they did in the past when we are nowhere near perfect ourselves.
MARCH– March was a particularly fair month for me. And I learned that positive work pressure is actually good for the soul as it motivates you and keep you alive. During this month, I also learned something new about myself, which is; I hate to be forced to do things. March made me wonder if I am actually moving forward and not backwards.
APRIL– I learned that I needed to be more patient with everyone around me. This is also the time where I started to drift away from God, because I felt that He’s not answering my prayers.
MAY– May was the month where my relationship with my husband grows older by another year. And I learned, that passion and romance needs to be rekindled, and one should not take their other half for granted. I learn that everyone should prepare to let go…in case things happen. I also learn that one should not expect people to be thankful for what you’ve done for them. The less you expect, the less you’ll be disappointed.
JUNE– June. Not so much things happened in June besides celebrating my blog’s one year anniversary. During this time of the year, I learned that taking precautions and being mindful of whatever you do is important. Certain things disgusted and repelled me. Rhe feelings are all new to me.
JULY– My nightmare begins. All nonsense were thrown in this month. I had to deal with homelessness because my house was burn down in fire, and I learned that we cannot depend on anyone but ourselves. I learned to handle pressure and higher level of stress. July 2009 was one of the darkest time of my life. Everything seems to slap me on the face. I felt lost, and felt that God is unfair. But for what it’s worth, I am glad that I still can say “It’s all right. We have each other. Nothing else matters”. This was the month where I happens to bring Meow Meow home, and realized that cats are better than human in many ways.
AUGUST– I was taken aback with certain things, and for a while, I felt numb and didn’t know what to do. I got homesick terribly. Missed my mum and dad, and even my bratty sis. I wished I could tell my dad what so that he could hug me and tell lend me his wisdom. But I didn’t have the courage to do so. And I wasn’t sure if I should either. It will complicate things.This was also the time where I began to build a wall around me and refused to let people into my heart because of certain things that happened. I learned that there are some things that you should not mention, even to your other half. I also learned that people back stabs, and one should never be fooled with their appearance. I also learned that some bitches are extremely manipulative. I could never be like them though I learned that if I wanted to survive my kind of life, I have to be like them. You see, some people, they really can act pitiful and like a complete Saint while their heart is as black as ever. I am not sure if I can be such a whore, seriously. Suicide sounded better to me that turning into such an ugly hearted person. I became bitter during August, and kept everyone out of my heart, not wanting my heart to break again.
SEPTEMBER– I turned 25 years old on 2nd September. I don’t really want to talk about it. It disappointed me. The wall around my heart gets higher and thicker, and harder to break. I learned that sometimes, you have to live with the bad decisions you make, and freedom is not free. Went to spend time with my own family by the end of the month, and desperately wanted to be a little girl again. Desperately longs for a time out. I was in need of a break.
OCTOBER– I learned that getting away from mundane life is good during October. And began to see that sometimes, things are not what it seems. I learned that everyone is no angel, and one should not expected me to treat them and worship them like one. For what it’s worth, certain ‘angels’ are just brainwasher and cleverly manipulates situations to make themselves looks like one. People around me may be blind, but I am not.
NOVEMBER– I was so pissed that sometimes, people just don’t get me and doesn’t respect my role in the family. I felt bad about certain matters at first, but after awhile…all I wanted to do is say “good riddance to bad rubbish”. I learn not to let people twist and turn things around to make me feel guilty. I learned an expensive lesson during November. Which is… you cannot really be two things at a time, and you will need to make choices, no matter how painful it is. Because of the things that happened in November, it made me realized that I needed to be closer to my own parents more than other people in my life and needed to be more open about what’s been bothering me with them. Felt that I needed them more than ever. Wished I really could have my daddy’s wisdom terribly. And thank heavens, this is also the time where daddy began to pay attention to his daughters too. He came on and off to check on his daughters, to see if they are doing all right.
November was also month of adventure for me. There’s NANOWRIMO, and I learn to really take comfort in my writings because I can’t really find it elsewhere. Felt pitiful for myself even more that I could only do things that I really wanted in my novels and it could never be realized. NANOWRIMO saved me from drifting into depression again, as positive kind of stress motivates me.
DECEMBER– Felt depressed earlier December as NANOWRIMO finally ended, and no one was there for me once again. I purposely immerse myself in writing again, desperately trying to get away from my bloody mundane life. And I learned another valuable lesson during December. Most valuable of all, I must say.
I learned that God actually works his miracle in mysterious ways, and no matter how lost I feel, He will send me someone to give me kind nudges to guide me along the way.
I might not realize it, but yes ,thinking back… He was rather kind to me in December. He made me believed in Him again by sending all of you; my blogger friends. He made me believe that there’s more to life than just my mundane ones. He showed me that He is looking out for me.
He sent Claire to me to show me that life is about being grateful for what you have and give thanks. He sent STP to me to tell me that I should learn to live one day at a time and whatever bad that happens to me is just a test from Him. He sent Eugene to me to tell me that love should always be nurtured. He sent Shakira to me to tell me to count my blessings and that there are people out there who cares for me genuinely. God also sent me Merryn and Cheeyee to show me that I am not really alone and not everyone have an adventurous life and I should learn to be contented in my role, just like they did and I will feel a lot better.
God also knocks on my head in December to make me remember that He is all around me and I am forever grateful for the little reminders He sent me. I also reveled in the fact that if I want to be loved, I need to love myself first and make effort to love people too. And not only that, I also need to learn to allow people back into my heart again. God showed me that I need to learn how to love again, and learn to let bygone begone. Yes… December is a month of revelation to me, and I desperately pray that God will continue to show me the path that’s truly intended for me and guide me all the way in His own ways.
Tomorrow will be a brand new year. I don’t know what is in store for me in January, (Though I know February will be nothing but shit to me) but whatever will be, will be, for the future is not mine to see. I will hope for the best, and pray that it will not be more worst than 2009. For what is worth, I hope God will be all around me to guide me all the way. (And my own letters to comfort me too!)
Cleffairy: Que Sera, Sera, whatever will be, will be, the future isn’t ours to see, Que Sera, Sera. Happy New Year, Everyone.
ps: I also realized that there are people out there who doesn’t want me to be happy and the only way for me to make them unhappy is for me to be happy. I never really did make any resolution for the past years, but I’m going to make one for 2010, which is be happy and be myself again. After all… I have accepted people for what they are and what they are not. Why should I let people tell me differently? I am who I am, either accept me for who I am, or get out of my life. I never did bother to force them to change themselves for me. Screw ya, assholes!
