Ogre prince and his beautiful wife…

Disclaimer: This story is fictional. Any coincidence is purely unintentional.

I’m a little bit rusty with my fairy tales. Been quite some time since I do this, so, please forgive me if this sounds rather… ridiculous. But… I really do want you guys to give me an opinion on this. This may not be up to par to my Farm Stories or even my old Muyyi Skywalker tales that cracked up the hearts of many. I’m afraid, 2009 was a year that did not really inspire me to write my very own fairy tales, and I think, now that I’m feeling particularly inspired, I better write them down before my Muse decided to go on her long MIA again. ( My damn Muse always goes on MIA…stupid bitch!)

Here goes nothing. This fairy’s tale is not suitable for children’s bedtime stories, though, cuz it’s Cleffairy’s very own tale… so tell them at your own risk.

Long, long time ago, in a kingdom not so far a way, there live an Ogre Prince. He was not handsome. In fact, he looks like Shrek. Huge, green, and ugly. He’s not nice looking at all. He’s a grumpy prince. He drinks blood for breakfast, and human that has been quartered and roasted for lunch and dinner. This Ogre Prince, he was so evil that he  plotted to get rid of his own twin brother so that he can ascend the throne when he aging father finally died. What a royal family, I must say. The father must have been wanting to die desperately,seeing that he had such an awful son to even begin with.

One day, when the Ogre Prince was riding on his old horse who will die anytime soon out of  old age in the forest, he heard a melodious female voice singing. The Ogre Prince was captivated with the siren-like voice, and so, he decided to follow the sound of the voice and was immensely pleased to find that there’s a beautiful bombshell of a maiden, bathing naked while singing at a waterfall.

The bombshell of a maiden was cleaning herself up in a rather erotic manner, leaving less for the imagination and immediately, the Ogre Prince was aroused with the scene played before him.

The Ogre Prince was so horny, you see. He wanted so much to toss the maiden over his shoulder, bring her back to his luxurious castle, dump her unceremoniously on the bed, tie up her hands on the headboard and devour her the way he desires.

But the prince was rather smart. He knows that if he wants the bombshell of a maiden in his bed, he must get her into his bed willingly. Besides, he’s the kind who is scared of pain. He wouldn’t want her to struggle and and kick him on his manhood while he was about to do his deeds. Na… uh… that wouldn’t be good for him, wouldn’t it? He wouldn’t want his little brother down there injured. It will be a waste, cuz he can’t screw anymore bombshells to his heart content if that little one down under can’t perform.

And so, this Ogre Prince stole the beautiful maiden’s clothes that she has taken off before she cleaned herself up. And when the beautiful maiden looked for her clothes in panic, the prince made an appearance, and offered the naive and unsuspecting maiden his shirt to wear. The dumb maiden  was of course grateful, and the most idiotic thing was, she followed him back to his luxurious castle when he sweet talked her into it.

The maiden became a guest at the Ogre Prince’s house, and he lavished her with jewelries, and millions of dollars. This is no ordinary fairy tale, so, the girl, though did not fall in love with the damn prince for his good looks and good behaviour, fell in lust with his bling -blings and cashy -cash. And so, when he proposed to her, she agreed readily.

And like any other fairy tales, the prince married the girl, and of course, there’s hot, romp sex involved. Things started to go wrong when the Ogre Prince showed his true colours and began to demonstrate his sadistic streak towards his new teenage wife.

The Prince’s wife freaked out of course, and wanted to be as far as possible from her marriage. She ran back home to her mama. And so, mama dearest took her back in, with loads of nagging and scolding of course.

Her mama wasn’t so pleased that her daughter not only talked to stranger, but followed him home, and married him. It would have been okay if the stranger really did love her truly, but then again, he just wanted to use her to slake his lust. Her mama is a sorceress, you see, and so, she placed protection spells around her so that the Ogre Prince couldn’t find her, and she’ll be spared from being abused physically and sexually again.

The Prince cries foul, and demanded justice be served. He looked for his wife high and lows, and when he couldn’t, he goes to a higher council who usually defended his kind, to search for his wife back. He wants her back in his bed badly, and it hurts his ego that he got ditched by a lowly woman who happens to be his wife, no less.

They searched high and low for her, but they couldn’t catch her and toss her into his bed again, for the girl’s sorceress mama is very, very powerful, and has all but send her pretty little daughter away, far away from the prince’s kingdom.

The prince was pissed. Extremely pissed. Who wouldn’t be pissed? He spent million of dollars to lure her into his bed, and now what does he get? A hard on and the whole world laughing at him cuz he couldn’t control his woman and tie her down. And so he went to the council, and made a demands that she must return to him as soon as possible and do his bidding. Not only that, she must return him all the money he gave her when he was luring her to his bed. He also made a demand that she be loyal to him and return to him immediately

Now, the story is coming to it’s end. Til this very day, the prince had to deal with his frustration, cuz the wife was too scared to go back and let him abuse her further. She live… safely, though not so sure if she found her happily ever after or not. I can be more than sure that she will be happy elsewhere and find her happily ever after if she didn’t return to that blasted husband of hers.

Neway, kids… the moral of this story is… don’t talk to strangers. You’ll never know if they have bad intention like marrying you just so that they could make a sex slave out of you. So, beware of strangers, kids. Don’t talk to them, or even take the money they offered you, even if it’s millions of dollars in cold cash. It might be a bloody trap that will make you not only loose your virginity, but also loose your freedom to walk on the street freely.

Cleffairy: The world is a creepy place. So please, beware of strangers. When in doubt, choose looks over dough. A poor man can’t harm you as much as a rich man can, and walking away would have been easier in the worst case scenario.

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Glitz and glams of Malaysian Politics

I’ve always hated to do things when I’m forced to do so. And even if I did do something against my will, I will make sure the one who  forced me to do something pays dearly for my troubles. But Eugene’s weekly quiz is something i usually look forward to doing. So, here’s my take on this week’s edition of Friday quiz:

1) We have from Hollywood Spiderman and Batman, and from Malaysia we have Cicakman,what can you come out with the Malaysia’s version of Wonder Woman?

Tudung Woman, of course. Did you think they FINAS and the censorship board approve a female superhero parading around wearing her wonder bra  or panties outside?

2)Why do you think Paris Hilton wanted to be a celeb despite her fortune from her Hilton’s wealth ?

What makes you think that Hilton Group is making money? Maybe they’re full of liabilities? But then again, Paris is a blond. Being a blond celebrity is more fun than running a bunch of hotel.

3)If you were to be asked to come out with another “Reality Show”, what would it be?

Lompat Si Katak Lompat, featuring all sort of Malaysian politicians doing their froggy and flip-flopping performance.
4)In your opinion,do you think Pamela Anderson can be famous without her voluptious asset?

Are you kidding me? Her large titties and boobies are the one that actually act, not Pam herself.

5)How many celebs can you name who used the names of food as their performing names ?

I have no idea, but you can just look up Hong Kong celebrity on the Internet and you’ll bound to come across a dozen that use apple, orange, cherry or even strawberry as their name.

6)If Badawi were to make a block buster movie, what should he name this show?

Sleeping in Putrajaya, The Sleeping Ogre,  While I am Sleeping.

7)If Najib were to make it big in Hollywood,what glamourous name should he embrace?

Shake my bomb bomb or Najib the bombastic.

8) In the US we have Hollywood, in India we have Bollywood, in Malaysia what ___wood,please fill in the blank?

Sleepywood or Flippingwood.

9)Which two Malaysian’s politicians are most suitable in carrying out this part in the “Titanic” You Jump, I jump ?

Hee Jit Fong from Perak and that feller Arumugam who fled to Chennai.

10)Give a try for this finale.What is the famous song that you’d suggest Badawi to sing for Najib at the handling over ceremony?

Bye Bye Bye, Mr. Bombastic, and Don’t Cry For Me Malaysia.

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OMG, oral sex is illegal!

Just a short entry to vent on this issue, dear readers. Below is a news excerpt from The Star newspaper.

KUALA LUMPUR: Police want to interview the woman who was filmed performing oral sex with former Health Minister Datuk Seri Dr Chua Soi Lek.

Inspector-General of Police Tan Sri Musa Hassan said police were looking for her following two re­­ports lodged recently in Ampang and Petaling Jaya.

“We are investigating the case un­­der Section 377A of the Penal Code for carnal intercourse against the order of nature as the two people who lodged the reports claimed that there was oral sex in the DVD.

What the fuck? Now oral sex is considered against the course of nature? Excuse me dude, define oral sex, please. Does this mean that we cannot perform any licking or sucking of private parts during our sexual intercourse with our partner? Wow… that means if you were to make your wife suck your dick or you go and lick your wife’s breasts or stick a tongue in her pussy while you’re having passionate sex, then that means you’re actually breaking the law?

Good grief! What is considered normal then? Just a simple rhythmic penetration while your partner lay on the bed like some log and stare at the ceiling until it’s over? Well, if that is the case, one might as well practice celibacy, seriously. There will be no joy and satisfaction in sexual relationship if there is no caressing or intimate foreplay is involved.

If I were to be told that performing oral sex to satisfy your partner is something against the Malaysian law, then I suppose I’m better off in other countries where people can actually be sued for invasion of privacy, not the other way around.

Seriously speaking, I’m more than certain that all married couple in Malaysia actually performed oral sex with their spouse before. One would be lying if they say they never did such a thing before. French kissing is also a part of oral sex, so to me, this CSL case is actually politically motivated to bring him down, since he’s getting into hotsoup for fighting with OTK. Oh, please… don’t you guys have better weapon in your armor to fight off CSL? Can’t you do any better than bringing up the oral sex issue? What’s the matter you ball-less? Your dick is too limp to fight like a man instead of having personal attack like this?

It’s not a wonder that the statistic showed that Malaysians are not so hot in bed. We’re expected to have some 5 minutes sex and lay on the bed while staring at the ceiling like some dead meat. Tsk! Even foreplay such as oral sex is also considered as something disgusting and against the course of nature. Tsk tsk tsk!

Cleffairy: I LOVE FRENCH KISSING! SO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO? SUE ME? GO TO HELL ASSHOLE!

ps: On a more serious note, CSL must be quite clean from any corruption case that it resorted ‘them’ to use CSL’s ‘lack of morality’ to bring him down.

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