Don’t wait til…

I went shopping last night. Shopping was never my favourite past time. I hate the crowds, I hate those pretty and expensive goods that I can only look at and not buy, and I hate those obnoxious and ignorant mall personnel who sometimes walk around not knowing what planet they’re living in when you ask them questions about the goods that’s sold there. I hate the cashiers who yak, and so the list goes on…

To make long story short, I am a weird woman. I hate shopping. It gives me nothing but eyesore and feet that hurts by the time I was done walking around the mall. But those eyesore and feet that hurt I can tolerate. I’ll take any of those torture, but I cannot tolerate brats that’s running around and was unsupervised by their parents. I find it annoying like hell! Don’t get me wrong,I don’t hate children. I love them, and I’ve been working with them in various ways since I graduated. I just hate it when children are let loose in the mall as if no danger will approach them. And I hate it even more when I heard announcement that’s announcing a child looking for his or her parents. Last night, a boy and his sister was lost in the mall and was brought to the announcement booth. So instead of showing off what I bought  for CNY last night, I have a message for shopaholic parents:

Dear parents, please take care of your children when you are shopping. Don’t wait til a cute child like this

nurinjpg

End up like this, kidnapped and sexually molested in the most inhumane way and finally die painfully because of your lack of supervision.

pix_top_09191

For readers who are not Malaysian or have been hiding in a cave somewhere, the answer to your question is a YES, the picture of the dead body above is the picture of the cute little girl that’s in the first picture. She’s Nurin Jazlin Jazimin. Kidnapped because of lack of supervision on her parent’s part. She was 8, and went out of the safety of her home to buy something in a night market WITHOUT PARENTS SUPERVISION.

Her dead body was found stuffed in a sports bag, and even her parents could not recognize her dead body and DNA test was required to determined the identity after her death. Her dead body was found in the most pitiful condition. She was bruised and battered, and according to the medical officers, she was sexually abused in the most inhumane way til she finally could not take it anymore and died a slow, bloody and painful death.

Parents, is your shopping session more important than your children that you allowed them to run around without anyone supervising them? Are you not aware of crime that’s involving children in Malaysia?

crime-on-children

People with bad intentions are everywhere. Please, protect your children. Do not let them loose without supervision. You seriously do not wish your children to suffer the same fate as Nurin Jazlin Jazimin, or those children above do you? There’s no use crying over spill milk, so please, supervise your children before it’s too late, I beg of you!

Cleffairy: Shopping is never therapeutic for me. Especially when the price is pointing to the sky and children are running around loose as if their parents are wishing for people to take their children away from them. One could never shop with a peace of mind with environment like these!

Continue Reading

A girl who was forgotten…

We get worked up pretty fast on sensationalize news in the media, be it in the printing presses or the electronic media like tv, radio or even the net. However, we also tend to forget things very easily too as times goes by. Am I right, my precious readers? We do tend to forget things that was plastered all over the media as time passes. Let’s be frank. We often see thought provoking news, gossip about it for a couple of month and then, one day, wham, we’ll forget about it and will never bring up the matter that was once so important that we sometimes discuss it over our tea session or small talks ever again.

Today, I would like to talk about a girl who was forgotten by most Malaysian. She made quite a headline in the news almost one year ago, and she had been a topic to gossip about during tea breaks or family dinners. Bloggers blogged about her for quite some time. She was a hot topic in mainstream media and new media. She was a star. Her poster was plastered all over public and private premises in Malaysia. But today, nobody talked,write or blogged about her anymore. She was all but forgotten and became another news that’s fading away with time. Her news reports, her poster are worth nothing but a nasi lemak wrapper now.

Do you know who am I talking about? Do you remember who that girl was, my dear readers? Do you remember her name? Some might have forgotten about her, so allow me to jolt your memories a little bit. The girl who once was a figure that have her posters plastered all over Malaysia but now forgotten is Sharlinie Mohd. Nashar. She was reported missing on 9thJanuary2008. It’s almost one year since she was reported missing from the safety of her home. The authorities suspected that Sharlinie was kidnapped. Below was the poster that used to be plastered all around Malaysia and cyberspace.

cari_sharlinie

Almost one year ago, the police, the media, bloggers and even those bloody politicians alike were working like a mad dog overdosed on caffeine to look for her. Last year, politicians took advantage of the missing girl’s news to campaign about it and made the public believe that they truly care for this missing girl as general election was near and it’s a good publicity to ‘talk’ about this girl. They tried to gain popularity by pretending to care about this girl. What happened to those hypocrite and unscrupulous politicians now? What happened? Why were they silenced now? Bloody hell, all those asshole of politicians care now is just about their party and lust for power. I am truly disgusted with those two-faced hypocrite bastards.

The police even went as far as checking private residential without warrant during Chinese New Year to look for this girl,which I seriously think is damn wrong as searching for something or someone in the civilian’s home who is not a crime suspect is a form of abuse and invasion of human rights as well as privacy. How do we know the one who’s doing the freak search is a real police or some thief or rapist dressing up as one? What’s more, it was done during festive season who most went back hometown to spend time with their families. What happened to the aggressive search for the missing girl now? Did the police give up looking for this girl and considered the case close? Have they forgotten about the little girl too like most Malaysians? Or they simply found better things to do like stopping cars and issue summonses to people who do not buckle up their seatbelt behind?

Almost everyone I know forgot about this girl. What happened, actually? Why everyone forgot about her? The search for her seems to be halted and went on hiatus. There was no updates about her, the latest news about her family was in September 2008, which is more than three months ago. Even the families are no longer venting and ranting or even begging the authorities and the media to look for their daughter. Last check, Sharlinie’s family moved away to another state so that they could ‘start a new life’. What does that supposed to mean? Did they lost hope on her or something? Don’t they want to know if their child is dead or alive?

Everyone seems to move on, but why can’t I forget about the horror of the news that’s seems no longer hold any importance anymore? Why the news is still haunting me after one year? Am I a freak?

Sharlinie is not my child. But I could not help wondering what happened to her, where she is right now, and whether she’s still alive somewhere or suffered the same fate as Nurin Jazlin Jazimin, the cute little girl who was found sexually abused and dead on 17th September 2007. I wonder if Sharlinie is a victim of murder or a victim of child trafficking and prostitution? Nobody gives me updates now. She seems to be erased from everyone’s memories. Nobody talk about her or even remember her now.

I would have gone crazy if she was my child. I wouldn’t be able to move on, and I would definitely be hit by a severe case of depression and anxiety she was my child. I can have another child to fill my longing for my missing child, but it would never be the same. I would still give my missing child a thought if I am in those parent’s shoes. I will not forget easily. Well, I probably would have, but I can assure you, if it happened to me, I would not forget in just one year time.

When I see how easily the family, the public and the authorities alike have forgotten about the missing child, I could not help but wonder if the news is merely a tool to earn public attention and sympathy. Sometimes I really wonder… if the news about her was merely a political game or even a conspiracy.

Frankly speaking, if my child went missing, I would not rest until he or she was found and safe in my arms again. And I would not be such a bloke to make the news of my missing child public because I would be scared to death that my child would be harm as soon as the news is made public. If it’s a kidnap, there is possibility that my family would be contacted for a ransom, so why would I tell and shout to the whole world that my child has gone missing and practically tell the kidnapper through national TV that I know that they had kidnapped my child and tell them to watch out as I’ve sent the authorities to catch them and look for my child?

That would be telling the kidnapper to go ahead and sell my child or even worst, kill my child, isn’t it? I would have allowed the police or private investigators to do their job discreetly so that the kidnapper would not be alarmed. Wouldn’t that raise the possibility that my child will be returned to me safely? Sometimes, I really cannot understand why the parents of some missing children made their case public. Were they having death wish for their kids or something? Did they not know that by making such things public would alarm the criminals and would anger them and the consequences would be fatal to their child?

I pray such thing will never happen to my family and yours, but if that happens, I do hope the families involved would put their child safety a thought first before making the news public and alarm the criminals. I humbly think if the search for missing child is done in a more discreet manner, the possibilities that your child is still safe is higher.

Anyway, before I end this article, I would like to put up the picture of Sharlinie and how she could possibly look like now…though I am not sure if the authorities and the family is still looking for her. I know that the chances of her being safe or even alive is low, but all is not lost yet as long as we do not find her dead body in a sports bag or something. Perhaps, she is still around, and if you see her somewhere, you can contact the authorities for further investigation.

Cleffairy: Do you prefer to announce to the world that you know a thief’s trick and alarm him about it or would you prefer to keep quiet about it and ambush him?

Continue Reading

Siblings Rivalry & Favouritisms

I come from a family where my parents loves me and my younger sister unconditionally. Even though my parents have high expectation from both of us, they accepted our strong points and tolerate our weakness. They love both of us for who we are, and that is one thing that that no outsiders could deny. They love us, and they are not shameful of showing their affection to both of their daughters, even in public. Which is pretty rare for Asians. My sister and I do have to endure occasional bear hug from our mother in public and our father’s constant kiddy treats like ice cream and cookies during our family outings to this very day. While it’s a little embarrassing for both of us, we do appreciate the fact that no matter what happens, and no matter how old we grew up to be, we’ll always be our parent’s little girl. It is nice and comforting to know that.

My parents made sure that both of us felt their unconditional love for us. However, they do not treat me and my sister the same way, because they could never have, but that does not mean that my parents treated us unfairly, that’s merely because my sister and I are both two different individual. We may be alike in a lot of ways, but we’re also completely two different individual in other ways.

When my kid sister was just born, I felt that she took away my parents from me, because they pay her more attention to her than me, and she always gets me into trouble with my mom and dad with her constant reports and complain of my teasing and bullying. I used to think that my parents loved her more than me, but as I grew older, I realized that they loved us all the same, only in different ways, because my sister and are two different individuals and affection as well as attention should be given differently according to our personality. I assume, a lot of parents are like this too.

Anyway, enough about me and my sister. Let’s get back to the thing that I would like to send across today which is siblings rivalry and favoritism among immediate family members. Boring and lame topic, no? But I came from a family where my parents loves me and my younger sister for who we are and accepted our flaws, no matter how bad and annoying it is, so when I came across families who loved and care for one child more than the others is rather awkward for me to see.

I could never get used to seeing a father or mother shoving one of his son in a corner and treated him like nothing more than a punching bag to release tension and stress, just because that child is just mediocre in everything while he dote on his other children as if they are his treasure.

I saw some element of favoritisms today in a restaurant that I patronized during lunch with my colleague where a father treated his son, which I assume, his second son rather unfairly in comparison to his eldest and his youngest children. The boy in question was having a bowl of rice with dishes in front of him. While the father filled up the elder brother and younger sister’s bowl with meats and veggie, this poor boy had none. The father  did not even attempt to put any dishes on this boy’s bowl and deliberately ignored him.

And so, I continued to watch the family of four with sadness and sympathy for the boy. The boy wore a hurt look on his face, but put up a cheerful front and reached out for the last piece of fried chicken with his chopsticks and placed it on his bowl, and was about to eat it when his elder brother, whom in my eyes is rather bratty and lack of manners, started to whine and told the father that the younger brother took his favourite dish, which is the chicken wings.

I was not prepared to see what happened next, and I would have curse the father all the way to hell if I did not hold my tongue in the presence of my colleague. Guess what the father did, my precious readers? He gave the second son a dirty look, and reached out for the piece of chicken in the younger son’s bowl by using a pair of chopsticks and placed it on the elder son’s bowl and told him to eat it.

The younger boy protested his father’s action, claiming that he took it first, but the father simply barked at him and told him to shut up instead of filling the younger boy’s bowl with other dishes as a compensation to his loss. What disgust me was not only how the father treated his children in such an unfair and undignified way, but also at the way he spoiled and pampered his elder son. Even if the elder son is his favourite kid, does this mean he could hurt his other son’s feelings that way?

I was completely stupefied to see that the elder brother ‘s reaction to all of these. He laughed at his younger brother’s predicament and wore this smug and satisfied smirk as he’s gotten what he wanted in the first place-which I suspect not only the chicken, but to see his younger brother being shouted at by their father.

Frankly speaking, if I was the mother of the elder boy, I would have slapped him across the face  or give him a piece of my mind for being such a glutton. What else could you do to instill manner in a spoil rotten child who have his bowl full of dishes and still want to take away a measly piece of chicken in his younger brother’s bowl? The boy needs to be taught some manners. But it’s not only manners that the elder boy lack. He also need to be taught on how he should conduct himself with his siblings and be a brother to them instead of only being his father’s pet.

I was practically fuming when I watched the little boy sighed, and in a defeated manner, he reached for some veggies and swallowed the food halfheartedly while watching his brother and sister devoured their food in enjoyment. I do not doubt that the food was tasteless on the younger boy’s tongue.

I was hit hard on the head then, to realize that this is probably a common scene in most families. What’s worst, what I saw today was probably only a little glimpse of what most children who are in raised in big families are forced to endure every single day during their growing up process.

They’re treated unfairly and was ignored all the time because their siblings overshadowed them in many ways and things are never easy for them. Whatever they do were not appreciated as in their parents’ eyes, and they are always useless, stupid, whiny, bratty and ungrateful. They’re always shoved in a small corner as their siblings were put in the spotlight. Sometimes, the parents do not even see the child’s achievement or helpfulness as their favourite are constantly bragging about their contribution and take credit for what their brother or sister has done.

The children who were ignored and lack of love grew up to have rebellious streak and lack respect and love for their parents. They grew up having bitter feelings towards their parents. And they are often misunderstood as the parents refuse to pay even slightest attention to them or spend time with them.

What’s worst, not much thing change when the children grows up. Some parents tend to dote on certain daughters or sons just because one earn more than the other, or one gives more monetary contribution than the other. In worst case scenario, these children’s achievement and success will also be compared with immediate family members of their age, like cousins, or even in laws, not only in private, but in public as well.

I could never stand seeing that, period. I condemned this kind of parents to hell. As a parent, how could you treat your children so differently and love one child and shower him or her with love and attention more than the other? The child that you claim to have flaws and useless is your flesh and blood. Why can’t you treat all of your children as if they are a part of  you instead of some stray puppy you’re forced to shelter in your home?

Cleffairy: Sometimes, just sometimes, I could understand why some children claim that whether their parent(s) are still alive or not makes no difference to them, and they wouldn’t even care if their parent(s) is claimed by Death the very next hour in their life.

Continue Reading

Siblings Rivalry & Favouritisms

I come from a family where my parents loves me and my younger sister unconditionally. Even though my parents have high expectation from both of us, they accepted our strong points and tolerate our weakness. They love both of us for who we are, and that is one thing that that no outsiders could deny. They love us, and they are not shameful of showing their affection to both of their daughters, even in public. Which is pretty rare for Asians. My sister and I do have to endure occasional bear hug from our mother in public and our father’s constant kiddy treats like ice cream and cookies during our family outings to this very day. While it’s a little embarrassing for both of us, we do appreciate the fact that no matter what happens, and no matter how old we grew up to be, we’ll always be our parent’s little girl. It is nice and comforting to know that.

My parents made sure that both of us felt their unconditional love for us. However, they do not treat me and my sister the same way, because they could never have, but that does not mean that my parents treated us unfairly, that’s merely because my sister and I are both two different individual. We may be alike in a lot of ways, but we’re also completely two different individual in other ways.

When my kid sister was just born, I felt that she took away my parents from me, because they pay her more attention to her than me, and she always gets me into trouble with my mom and dad with her constant reports and complain of my teasing and bullying. I used to think that my parents loved her more than me, but as I grew older, I realized that they loved us all the same, only in different ways, because my sister and are two different individuals and affection as well as attention should be given differently according to our personality. I assume, a lot of parents are like this too.

Anyway, enough about me and my sister. Let’s get back to the thing that I would like to send across today which is siblings rivalry and favoritism among immediate family members. Boring and lame topic, no? But I came from a family where my parents loves me and my younger sister for who we are and accepted our flaws, no matter how bad and annoying it is, so when I came across families who loved and care for one child more than the others is rather awkward for me to see.

I could never get used to seeing a father or mother shoving one of his son in a corner and treated him like nothing more than a punching bag to release tension and stress, just because that child is just mediocre in everything while he dote on his other children as if they are his treasure.

I saw some element of favoritisms today in a restaurant that I patronized during lunch with my colleague where a father treated his son, which I assume, his second son rather unfairly in comparison to his eldest and his youngest children. The boy in question was having a bowl of rice with dishes in front of him. While the father filled up the elder brother and younger sister’s bowl with meats and veggie, this poor boy had none. The father  did not even attempt to put any dishes on this boy’s bowl and deliberately ignored him.

And so, I continued to watch the family of four with sadness and sympathy for the boy. The boy wore a hurt look on his face, but put up a cheerful front and reached out for the last piece of fried chicken with his chopsticks and placed it on his bowl, and was about to eat it when his elder brother, whom in my eyes is rather bratty and lack of manners, started to whine and told the father that the younger brother took his favourite dish, which is the chicken wings.

I was not prepared to see what happened next, and I would have curse the father all the way to hell if I did not hold my tongue in the presence of my colleague. Guess what the father did, my precious readers? He gave the second son a dirty look, and reached out for the piece of chicken in the younger son’s bowl by using a pair of chopsticks and placed it on the elder son’s bowl and told him to eat it.

The younger boy protested his father’s action, claiming that he took it first, but the father simply barked at him and told him to shut up instead of filling the younger boy’s bowl with other dishes as a compensation to his loss. What disgust me was not only how the father treated his children in such an unfair and undignified way, but also at the way he spoiled and pampered his elder son. Even if the elder son is his favourite kid, does this mean he could hurt his other son’s feelings that way?

I was completely stupefied to see that the elder brother ‘s reaction to all of these. He laughed at his younger brother’s predicament and wore this smug and satisfied smirk as he’s gotten what he wanted in the first place-which I suspect not only the chicken, but to see his younger brother being shouted at by their father.

Frankly speaking, if I was the mother of the elder boy, I would have slapped him across the face  or give him a piece of my mind for being such a glutton. What else could you do to instill manner in a spoil rotten child who have his bowl full of dishes and still want to take away a measly piece of chicken in his younger brother’s bowl? The boy needs to be taught some manners. But it’s not only manners that the elder boy lack. He also need to be taught on how he should conduct himself with his siblings and be a brother to them instead of only being his father’s pet.

I was practically fuming when I watched the little boy sighed, and in a defeated manner, he reached for some veggies and swallowed the food halfheartedly while watching his brother and sister devoured their food in enjoyment. I do not doubt that the food was tasteless on the younger boy’s tongue.

I was hit hard on the head then, to realize that this is probably a common scene in most families. What’s worst, what I saw today was probably only a little glimpse of what most children who are in raised in big families are forced to endure every single day during their growing up process.

They’re treated unfairly and was ignored all the time because their siblings overshadowed them in many ways and things are never easy for them. Whatever they do were not appreciated as in their parents’ eyes, and they are always useless, stupid, whiny, bratty and ungrateful. They’re always shoved in a small corner as their siblings were put in the spotlight. Sometimes, the parents do not even see the child’s achievement or helpfulness as their favourite are constantly bragging about their contribution and take credit for what their brother or sister has done.

The children who were ignored and lack of love grew up to have rebellious streak and lack respect and love for their parents. They grew up having bitter feelings towards their parents. And they are often misunderstood as the parents refuse to pay even slightest attention to them or spend time with them.

What’s worst, not much thing change when the children grows up. Some parents tend to dote on certain daughters or sons just because one earn more than the other, or one gives more monetary contribution than the other. In worst case scenario, these children’s achievement and success will also be compared with immediate family members of their age, like cousins, or even in laws, not only in private, but in public as well.

I could never stand seeing that, period. I condemned this kind of parents to hell. As a parent, how could you treat your children so differently and love one child and shower him or her with love and attention more than the other? The child that you claim to have flaws and useless is your flesh and blood. Why can’t you treat all of your children as if they are a part of  you instead of some stray puppy you’re forced to shelter in your home?

Cleffairy: Sometimes, just sometimes, I could understand why some children claim that whether their parent(s) are still alive or not makes no difference to them, and they wouldn’t even care if their parent(s) is claimed by Death the very next hour in their life.

Continue Reading

Siblings Rivalry & Favouritisms

I come from a family where my parents loves me and my younger sister unconditionally. Even though my parents have high expectation from both of us, they accepted our strong points and tolerate our weakness. They love both of us for who we are, and that is one thing that that no outsiders could deny. They love us, and they are not shameful of showing their affection to both of their daughters, even in public. Which is pretty rare for Asians. My sister and I do have to endure occasional bear hug from our mother in public and our father’s constant kiddy treats like ice cream and cookies during our family outings to this very day. While it’s a little embarrassing for both of us, we do appreciate the fact that no matter what happens, and no matter how old we grew up to be, we’ll always be our parent’s little girl. It is nice and comforting to know that.

My parents made sure that both of us felt their unconditional love for us. However, they do not treat me and my sister the same way, because they could never have, but that does not mean that my parents treated us unfairly, that’s merely because my sister and I are both two different individual. We may be alike in a lot of ways, but we’re also completely two different individual in other ways.

When my kid sister was just born, I felt that she took away my parents from me, because they pay her more attention to her than me, and she always gets me into trouble with my mom and dad with her constant reports and complain of my teasing and bullying. I used to think that my parents loved her more than me, but as I grew older, I realized that they loved us all the same, only in different ways, because my sister and are two different individuals and affection as well as attention should be given differently according to our personality. I assume, a lot of parents are like this too.

Anyway, enough about me and my sister. Let’s get back to the thing that I would like to send across today which is siblings rivalry and favoritism among immediate family members. Boring and lame topic, no? But I came from a family where my parents loves me and my younger sister for who we are and accepted our flaws, no matter how bad and annoying it is, so when I came across families who loved and care for one child more than the others is rather awkward for me to see.

I could never get used to seeing a father or mother shoving one of his son in a corner and treated him like nothing more than a punching bag to release tension and stress, just because that child is just mediocre in everything while he dote on his other children as if they are his treasure.

I saw some element of favoritisms today in a restaurant that I patronized during lunch with my colleague where a father treated his son, which I assume, his second son rather unfairly in comparison to his eldest and his youngest children. The boy in question was having a bowl of rice with dishes in front of him. While the father filled up the elder brother and younger sister’s bowl with meats and veggie, this poor boy had none. The father  did not even attempt to put any dishes on this boy’s bowl and deliberately ignored him.

And so, I continued to watch the family of four with sadness and sympathy for the boy. The boy wore a hurt look on his face, but put up a cheerful front and reached out for the last piece of fried chicken with his chopsticks and placed it on his bowl, and was about to eat it when his elder brother, whom in my eyes is rather bratty and lack of manners, started to whine and told the father that the younger brother took his favourite dish, which is the chicken wings.

I was not prepared to see what happened next, and I would have curse the father all the way to hell if I did not hold my tongue in the presence of my colleague. Guess what the father did, my precious readers? He gave the second son a dirty look, and reached out for the piece of chicken in the younger son’s bowl by using a pair of chopsticks and placed it on the elder son’s bowl and told him to eat it.

The younger boy protested his father’s action, claiming that he took it first, but the father simply barked at him and told him to shut up instead of filling the younger boy’s bowl with other dishes as a compensation to his loss. What disgust me was not only how the father treated his children in such an unfair and undignified way, but also at the way he spoiled and pampered his elder son. Even if the elder son is his favourite kid, does this mean he could hurt his other son’s feelings that way?

I was completely stupefied to see that the elder brother ‘s reaction to all of these. He laughed at his younger brother’s predicament and wore this smug and satisfied smirk as he’s gotten what he wanted in the first place-which I suspect not only the chicken, but to see his younger brother being shouted at by their father.

Frankly speaking, if I was the mother of the elder boy, I would have slapped him across the face  or give him a piece of my mind for being such a glutton. What else could you do to instill manner in a spoil rotten child who have his bowl full of dishes and still want to take away a measly piece of chicken in his younger brother’s bowl? The boy needs to be taught some manners. But it’s not only manners that the elder boy lack. He also need to be taught on how he should conduct himself with his siblings and be a brother to them instead of only being his father’s pet.

I was practically fuming when I watched the little boy sighed, and in a defeated manner, he reached for some veggies and swallowed the food halfheartedly while watching his brother and sister devoured their food in enjoyment. I do not doubt that the food was tasteless on the younger boy’s tongue.

I was hit hard on the head then, to realize that this is probably a common scene in most families. What’s worst, what I saw today was probably only a little glimpse of what most children who are in raised in big families are forced to endure every single day during their growing up process.

They’re treated unfairly and was ignored all the time because their siblings overshadowed them in many ways and things are never easy for them. Whatever they do were not appreciated as in their parents’ eyes, and they are always useless, stupid, whiny, bratty and ungrateful. They’re always shoved in a small corner as their siblings were put in the spotlight. Sometimes, the parents do not even see the child’s achievement or helpfulness as their favourite are constantly bragging about their contribution and take credit for what their brother or sister has done.

The children who were ignored and lack of love grew up to have rebellious streak and lack respect and love for their parents. They grew up having bitter feelings towards their parents. And they are often misunderstood as the parents refuse to pay even slightest attention to them or spend time with them.

What’s worst, not much thing change when the children grows up. Some parents tend to dote on certain daughters or sons just because one earn more than the other, or one gives more monetary contribution than the other. In worst case scenario, these children’s achievement and success will also be compared with immediate family members of their age, like cousins, or even in laws, not only in private, but in public as well.

I could never stand seeing that, period. I condemned this kind of parents to hell. As a parent, how could you treat your children so differently and love one child and shower him or her with love and attention more than the other? The child that you claim to have flaws and useless is your flesh and blood. Why can’t you treat all of your children as if they are a part of  you instead of some stray puppy you’re forced to shelter in your home?

Cleffairy: Sometimes, just sometimes, I could understand why some children claim that whether their parent(s) are still alive or not makes no difference to them, and they wouldn’t even care if their parent(s) is claimed by Death the very next hour in their life.

Continue Reading

Siblings Rivalry & Favouritisms

I come from a family where my parents loves me and my younger sister unconditionally. Even though my parents have high expectation from both of us, they accepted our strong points and tolerate our weakness. They love both of us for who we are, and that is one thing that that no outsiders could deny. They love us, and they are not shameful of showing their affection to both of their daughters, even in public. Which is pretty rare for Asians. My sister and I do have to endure occasional bear hug from our mother in public and our father’s constant kiddy treats like ice cream and cookies during our family outings to this very day. While it’s a little embarrassing for both of us, we do appreciate the fact that no matter what happens, and no matter how old we grew up to be, we’ll always be our parent’s little girl. It is nice and comforting to know that.

My parents made sure that both of us felt their unconditional love for us. However, they do not treat me and my sister the same way, because they could never have, but that does not mean that my parents treated us unfairly, that’s merely because my sister and I are both two different individual. We may be alike in a lot of ways, but we’re also completely two different individual in other ways.

When my kid sister was just born, I felt that she took away my parents from me, because they pay her more attention to her than me, and she always gets me into trouble with my mom and dad with her constant reports and complain of my teasing and bullying. I used to think that my parents loved her more than me, but as I grew older, I realized that they loved us all the same, only in different ways, because my sister and are two different individuals and affection as well as attention should be given differently according to our personality. I assume, a lot of parents are like this too.

Anyway, enough about me and my sister. Let’s get back to the thing that I would like to send across today which is siblings rivalry and favoritism among immediate family members. Boring and lame topic, no? But I came from a family where my parents loves me and my younger sister for who we are and accepted our flaws, no matter how bad and annoying it is, so when I came across families who loved and care for one child more than the others is rather awkward for me to see.

I could never get used to seeing a father or mother shoving one of his son in a corner and treated him like nothing more than a punching bag to release tension and stress, just because that child is just mediocre in everything while he dote on his other children as if they are his treasure.

I saw some element of favoritisms today in a restaurant that I patronized during lunch with my colleague where a father treated his son, which I assume, his second son rather unfairly in comparison to his eldest and his youngest children. The boy in question was having a bowl of rice with dishes in front of him. While the father filled up the elder brother and younger sister’s bowl with meats and veggie, this poor boy had none. The father  did not even attempt to put any dishes on this boy’s bowl and deliberately ignored him.

And so, I continued to watch the family of four with sadness and sympathy for the boy. The boy wore a hurt look on his face, but put up a cheerful front and reached out for the last piece of fried chicken with his chopsticks and placed it on his bowl, and was about to eat it when his elder brother, whom in my eyes is rather bratty and lack of manners, started to whine and told the father that the younger brother took his favourite dish, which is the chicken wings.

I was not prepared to see what happened next, and I would have curse the father all the way to hell if I did not hold my tongue in the presence of my colleague. Guess what the father did, my precious readers? He gave the second son a dirty look, and reached out for the piece of chicken in the younger son’s bowl by using a pair of chopsticks and placed it on the elder son’s bowl and told him to eat it.

The younger boy protested his father’s action, claiming that he took it first, but the father simply barked at him and told him to shut up instead of filling the younger boy’s bowl with other dishes as a compensation to his loss. What disgust me was not only how the father treated his children in such an unfair and undignified way, but also at the way he spoiled and pampered his elder son. Even if the elder son is his favourite kid, does this mean he could hurt his other son’s feelings that way?

I was completely stupefied to see that the elder brother ‘s reaction to all of these. He laughed at his younger brother’s predicament and wore this smug and satisfied smirk as he’s gotten what he wanted in the first place-which I suspect not only the chicken, but to see his younger brother being shouted at by their father.

Frankly speaking, if I was the mother of the elder boy, I would have slapped him across the face  or give him a piece of my mind for being such a glutton. What else could you do to instill manner in a spoil rotten child who have his bowl full of dishes and still want to take away a measly piece of chicken in his younger brother’s bowl? The boy needs to be taught some manners. But it’s not only manners that the elder boy lack. He also need to be taught on how he should conduct himself with his siblings and be a brother to them instead of only being his father’s pet.

I was practically fuming when I watched the little boy sighed, and in a defeated manner, he reached for some veggies and swallowed the food halfheartedly while watching his brother and sister devoured their food in enjoyment. I do not doubt that the food was tasteless on the younger boy’s tongue.

I was hit hard on the head then, to realize that this is probably a common scene in most families. What’s worst, what I saw today was probably only a little glimpse of what most children who are in raised in big families are forced to endure every single day during their growing up process.

They’re treated unfairly and was ignored all the time because their siblings overshadowed them in many ways and things are never easy for them. Whatever they do were not appreciated as in their parents’ eyes, and they are always useless, stupid, whiny, bratty and ungrateful. They’re always shoved in a small corner as their siblings were put in the spotlight. Sometimes, the parents do not even see the child’s achievement or helpfulness as their favourite are constantly bragging about their contribution and take credit for what their brother or sister has done.

The children who were ignored and lack of love grew up to have rebellious streak and lack respect and love for their parents. They grew up having bitter feelings towards their parents. And they are often misunderstood as the parents refuse to pay even slightest attention to them or spend time with them.

What’s worst, not much thing change when the children grows up. Some parents tend to dote on certain daughters or sons just because one earn more than the other, or one gives more monetary contribution than the other. In worst case scenario, these children’s achievement and success will also be compared with immediate family members of their age, like cousins, or even in laws, not only in private, but in public as well.

I could never stand seeing that, period. I condemned this kind of parents to hell. As a parent, how could you treat your children so differently and love one child and shower him or her with love and attention more than the other? The child that you claim to have flaws and useless is your flesh and blood. Why can’t you treat all of your children as if they are a part of  you instead of some stray puppy you’re forced to shelter in your home?

Cleffairy: Sometimes, just sometimes, I could understand why some children claim that whether their parent(s) are still alive or not makes no difference to them, and they wouldn’t even care if their parent(s) is claimed by Death the very next hour in their life.

Continue Reading

Of modern parents, children and upbringing…

I’m seriously considering to stop taking breakfast at the regular cafe that I patronized almost every morning before I go to work, as I could not stop myself from observing my surrounding and feels bad about certain things that I see. I’ve lost track of how many articles that was inspired during my breakfast session. The previous one was about an old lady who had been sent away to live in an old folks homes. And today, again, I saw things that displease me.

I was starting to get irritated when my usual cuppa tea and half boil eggs with toasts came rather late, but instead of getting up to remind the waitress who took my order to get me my breakfast, my attention was diverted to another table nearby that’s occupied by four individuals. An elderly woman, a young man and his wife as well as their baby-age probably less than three month, as the baby still haven’t start teething yet.

So a family of four was having breakfast. Nothing wrong with the picture to me, until the baby let out a very loud wail, and instantly, the mother of the child allowed the baby to be snatched away from her arms to be cradled by the grandmother, who seems anxious about the grandchild, cooing to the baby all the way until the child’s wail were subsided into muffled sobs.

I heard the old lady spoke in Cantonese, chiding to her son in law and daughter, saying that she have been right in insisting that she took care of the baby, seeing how clueless the parents are in childcare. I was immediately aghast with her words. For a moment, I wondered if I heard correctly. Apparently, my ears did not fail me. I did heard correctly. The elder woman did say that the parents of the child are not good parents, and is not qualified to take care of their own baby. Okay, fine, that’s none of my business. But as I watched a while longer over my almost forgotten breakfast, I noticed another thing, which is the parents hardly give any attention at all to the baby, as if they do not care of the baby’s cries for attention or needs. They simply allowed the grandmother to handle everything and made no attempt to interfere at all.

Then after a moment, the parents stood up, bidding the elderly woman goodbye and tell her that they will come to visit her and their baby in a week or two, and to pick the baby for an immunization to be done in Johore. Apparently, the couple is living in Johore and had somehow left their child to live with the grandmother. Even at the mention of immunization, the elder woman was rather reluctant to allow the parents to bring her grandchild away from her. So she had insisted that they bring her along. The couple agreed instantly and rushed away, not even kissing or hugging their baby goodbye. The child remained in the grandmother’s protective clutches.

A question came to my mind. Is this the right thing to do? To allow your parents to raise your child for you in your hometown while you go and work elsewhere, and only see your child one week once or fortnightly once? Is it a trend that I am missing that young parents with career these days do not get involve much in bringing up their children?

All the dirty job was left to either the grandparents, nanny, babysitters or even child day care and nurseries. Majority of working parents opt the easy way out of the parenting job by handing it over to others. They do not get involve with the feeding, what more changing diapers or teaching their children proper manners and etiquette. The parents definitely missed out the time the child’s first tooth started to grow, the first words, the first crawl or even first few steps taken by the child while learning to walk. The parents would missed all of the beautiful things that happened during their child’s growing up process.

I had known that somehow it’s been a norm in some families to let the grandparents raise the young ones, but I definitely had not known that they played very little part in their children’s upbringing- most only contributed money to the ones who are taking care of their child where their child’s well being is concern. So is parenting these days is about sending your child to your parents or your in laws to be taken care of, and you only contributed money so that your child will be fed and well clothed?

Who is the real parents here, you or your parents? I could not understand modern women these days, they wanted to become mother, willing to let the stomach be bloated like some hot air balloon and go through labor pain but not willing to take care or involved much in raising their own child. Hell some mothers do not even know how to take care of their children properly and spoil their children like hell when they finally take their children to live with them again, probably at the age of five or six, where all the awkward times during childhood had passed. Disciplining the child is definitely out of question.

Again, my question here is, why bother giving birth to your child just to satisfy your own maternal need and to stop your biological clock from tick-tocking and drives you insane? Why bother, when all you did after the child’s birth, you parceled your child away to be taken care by your old folks and you only see your kid once in a while? Don’t give me the bullshits about being too busy with work. You ought to know when you decided to have a baby that the responsibility of raising a child is huge and sacrifices in time and career is required of you. So why send your child away to be taken care of? Even animals are more involved in raising their young than modern people these days.

Call me old fashion, but I come from a family where my father and mother took care of me themselves since I was a wailing infant to this very day, though I’m all grown up, married and all. There’s not a day in my parent’s life that they left me to be taken care by both of my grandparents, maternal and paternal alike. My own grandparents are strictly grandparents, how they should be, where my parents would bring me to visit them once in a while so that my grandparents would dote one me and then they would bring me back with them and raise me with their very bare hands. I definitely do not mistake my grandmother for being my mother when I was younger like children these days do.

And yes, before you ask me about my childhood, my father did clean up my poop and I even pee on his head while he’s sleeping him when I was a baby(this is one bloody story my dad would tell people over and over again when he talked about raising children to this very damn day, pretty embarrassing for me)- he even bathe me when I was barely three days old, I have loads of my naked pictures to prove that. Squealing and wriggling in my father arms while he bathe me while my mother looked on very anxiously. And yes, my mother did get her fair share of my tantrums when I refused to eat vegetable that she sneaked in my porridge. My parents did not allow my grandparents to even interferre in my upbringing, and I was their firstborn, no less. They had no experience in handling babies whatsoever when they had me, and yet, they do not throw me to my grandparents to be taken care of like modern parents these days.

I doubt most of modern parents these days share the same experience as my parents. They are barely parents, to even begin with. More like an ATM machine rather than parents, I must say.


Cleffairy: As parents, do play important role in your children’s upbringing as parents. Please do not just be an ATM machine to them.

Continue Reading

TGIO- NaNoWriMo 2008, I'm done, Am I?

I’ve been juggling between maintaining a blog, battling my disastrous work in office, fending off bitches who try to claw me, tend to my little family, as well as writing a novel with at least 50,000 words to answer NaNoWriMo 2008 challenge til the wee hours. And at 25th November 2008, I went to validate my manuscript, and this is what I get. I know I did not get money, but I get satisfaction out of this. Okay, call me a nutcase, I don’t mind. I’m too happy to bother anyway, even though I’m still not feeling so well. I can be proud this year, because I did not cheat my word count at all. Here’s what I get:

NaNoWriMo 2008 Winner Certificate- Awarded to novelist who manage to write at least 50,000 words novel in one month time, which is from 1st November 2008-30th November 2008.

.

And since I am also a member of NaNoWriMo Young Writers program, I get another bonus certificate. Cute one at that. (I’m considered a part of NaNoWriMo YWP Program as an educator, as I have students under my charge who participate in this program)

NaNoWriMo 2008 Certificate for Young Writers Program- Certificate awarded to children and educators alike for achieving their goals to write a novel in one month time.

On top of that, I also get a couple of web badges to boast about. LOL. I had not wanted to boast, but what the hell, I went through a gruesome month, let me boast a bit. Hahaha.

And another set of badges:

And the young writers program badge winner’s badge:

Some may say that I’ve been doing a completely stupid and useless thing throughout the whole November, answering the NaNoWriMo challenge, because I will not be awarded in the form of cash or material possession, but I have learn a lot throughout the November, which is discovering a part of me that I never knew could actually exist, which is SELF DISCIPLINE. I manage to sit down at the same time each night and write an average of 2,000 words per night for my novel. This is actually a miracle for me, because I really do lack discipline. I’m not sure what actually motivates me to do so, because I know that there is no way I’ll be able to do such thing when I was in school or high school. Discipline was never my middle name. My parents would have to actually force me to sit down and study every night when I was younger. ( My father tutored me personally when I was in primary and secondary school)

I guess, when one is not forced to do something, the rebellious streak kinda fade, and such thing is made possible. Let me ask you guys a question- Why do some people read and write more when they are out of school, college or university? You see, you guys blog and read articles and google most of the time-that alone is reading and writing. Why do people crave to study when they are already adult?

I think the answer is quite simple. It’s because they are no longer being forced to do those things anymore. Adults who continued to pursue education even though they are already having a stable career do such thing because they are motivated by the environment-where the working world require them to be more educated and more skillful. They also further study knowing full well they they would no longer be judge by parents or teachers or be punished if they failed to pass their examination that they decided to take. So the kind of stress and pressure that they get when they were younger is definitely not there. It’s easier to achieve when you know that judgment would not be delivered upon you even if you failed badly. One would strive better if they do things willingly and less is expected of them.

If only our education system does not forced our children to be overachievers, I daresay that they would be easier to handled as they will be more open minded and would think outside of the box constantly. They would be more alert to their environment and enjoy learning better. Forcing children to study instead of letting them study at their own accord own accord could actually restrict them from really achieving in a full-rounded way, that, I must say. I can only wish that our education system could coax children into motivating themselves and study voluntarily so that they could achieve better.

With NaNoWriMo, I also learn to not procrastinate. Oh yes, yours truly is a Procrastination Queen. I keep deferring things that I have to do to a later time most of the time, and ended up not doing it all all. I’m very good at doing that. This November, I procrastinate less, thanks to self motivation and pep talks from professional authors all over the world.

But all is not good in NaNo World. At least, not in Malaysia. I learn that most do not really understand what is NaNoWriMo is really all about.

Most just joined in the fun so that they could join TGIO( Thank God It’s Over) Party held on 5th December every year, where they could go wild and bitch around to their heart’s content. NaNoWriMo in Malaysia is pretty much adult oriented, and I am very, very disappointed to discover that. There are lack activities for minor. Even write-ins event are done at classy place like Starbucks and shopping malls where parents would definitely won’t let their young children go without supervision. This year, TGIO party will be held at Centro, KL Central where it’s actually a restaurant/bar/club lounge. Convincing parents to let their kids on loose there alone would be a problem, so thank you very much, I’m not going and not bringing my students there.

Dissapointing to the very core really. When I asked the person in charge about this, I was told off in a rather pompous manner that they know what they are doing and was told to shut up because they are very experienced in doing whatever they are doing. They are not open to suggestion, criticisms or even mere opinion. Some newcomers are told off in a rather conceited way, but, Malaysian, being Malaysian, really do love to bootlick those who have powers and bitchy. Plagiarism is also taken very lightly in NaNoWriMo Malaysia.

I guess politics are everywhere. I’m really disgusted to see such things- with the way certain authors/novelist behave, anyone would automatically labeled all authors in Malaysia as ‘bitchy group of people’ instead the ‘creative and friendly’ type of people.

The Municipal Liaison for Malaysia region somehow succeed in making NaNoWriMo event every year a ‘classy’ and ‘high class’ event, where there would be fund-raising and parties at bars and pubs, but definitely failed to make NaNoWriMo’s ORIGINAL purpose (which is to EDUCATE) to be really known to the public as there are no attempts made to approach the media to advertise such activities. They just can’t get a grip at it that the whole thing is about encouraging people, adults, teenagers and children alike to be involved in writing line and reading more.

Cleffairy: I really do hope NaNoWriMo in Malaysia region could change for the better and stick to the original purpose which is encourage people to read and write, but I guess I am hoping too much out of Malaysians. Another thing that ‘Tak Boleh’ in Malaysia is asking people to stop bitching around and start educating and learning.

Ps: I may have won NaNoWriMo 2008 challenge, but in truth, I have not won my own challenge, which is to complete the whole novel. Hitting 50,000 words is very easy, but finishing a novel is not. Wish me luck.

And special message to Aunt Iris who is so concern for my health. Don’t worry Aunt Iris, give me a few days, and I will be as right as rain. I’m not sure if you received my second email or not, because your jaring mailbox is full. So just a short note to let you know that I’m all right. Will keep in touch with you, so you take care too.

😀

Continue Reading

TGIO- NaNoWriMo 2008, I’m done, Am I?

I’ve been juggling between maintaining a blog, battling my disastrous work in office, fending off bitches who try to claw me, tend to my little family, as well as writing a novel with at least 50,000 words to answer NaNoWriMo 2008 challenge til the wee hours. And at 25th November 2008, I went to validate my manuscript, and this is what I get. I know I did not get money, but I get satisfaction out of this. Okay, call me a nutcase, I don’t mind. I’m too happy to bother anyway, even though I’m still not feeling so well. I can be proud this year, because I did not cheat my word count at all. Here’s what I get:

NaNoWriMo 2008 Winner Certificate- Awarded to novelist who manage to write at least 50,000 words novel in one month time, which is from 1st November 2008-30th November 2008.

.

And since I am also a member of NaNoWriMo Young Writers program, I get another bonus certificate. Cute one at that. (I’m considered a part of NaNoWriMo YWP Program as an educator, as I have students under my charge who participate in this program)

NaNoWriMo 2008 Certificate for Young Writers Program- Certificate awarded to children and educators alike for achieving their goals to write a novel in one month time.

On top of that, I also get a couple of web badges to boast about. LOL. I had not wanted to boast, but what the hell, I went through a gruesome month, let me boast a bit. Hahaha.

And another set of badges:

And the young writers program badge winner’s badge:

Some may say that I’ve been doing a completely stupid and useless thing throughout the whole November, answering the NaNoWriMo challenge, because I will not be awarded in the form of cash or material possession, but I have learn a lot throughout the November, which is discovering a part of me that I never knew could actually exist, which is SELF DISCIPLINE. I manage to sit down at the same time each night and write an average of 2,000 words per night for my novel. This is actually a miracle for me, because I really do lack discipline. I’m not sure what actually motivates me to do so, because I know that there is no way I’ll be able to do such thing when I was in school or high school. Discipline was never my middle name. My parents would have to actually force me to sit down and study every night when I was younger. ( My father tutored me personally when I was in primary and secondary school)

I guess, when one is not forced to do something, the rebellious streak kinda fade, and such thing is made possible. Let me ask you guys a question- Why do some people read and write more when they are out of school, college or university? You see, you guys blog and read articles and google most of the time-that alone is reading and writing. Why do people crave to study when they are already adult?

I think the answer is quite simple. It’s because they are no longer being forced to do those things anymore. Adults who continued to pursue education even though they are already having a stable career do such thing because they are motivated by the environment-where the working world require them to be more educated and more skillful. They also further study knowing full well they they would no longer be judge by parents or teachers or be punished if they failed to pass their examination that they decided to take. So the kind of stress and pressure that they get when they were younger is definitely not there. It’s easier to achieve when you know that judgment would not be delivered upon you even if you failed badly. One would strive better if they do things willingly and less is expected of them.

If only our education system does not forced our children to be overachievers, I daresay that they would be easier to handled as they will be more open minded and would think outside of the box constantly. They would be more alert to their environment and enjoy learning better. Forcing children to study instead of letting them study at their own accord own accord could actually restrict them from really achieving in a full-rounded way, that, I must say. I can only wish that our education system could coax children into motivating themselves and study voluntarily so that they could achieve better.

With NaNoWriMo, I also learn to not procrastinate. Oh yes, yours truly is a Procrastination Queen. I keep deferring things that I have to do to a later time most of the time, and ended up not doing it all all. I’m very good at doing that. This November, I procrastinate less, thanks to self motivation and pep talks from professional authors all over the world.

But all is not good in NaNo World. At least, not in Malaysia. I learn that most do not really understand what is NaNoWriMo is really all about.

Most just joined in the fun so that they could join TGIO( Thank God It’s Over) Party held on 5th December every year, where they could go wild and bitch around to their heart’s content. NaNoWriMo in Malaysia is pretty much adult oriented, and I am very, very disappointed to discover that. There are lack activities for minor. Even write-ins event are done at classy place like Starbucks and shopping malls where parents would definitely won’t let their young children go without supervision. This year, TGIO party will be held at Centro, KL Central where it’s actually a restaurant/bar/club lounge. Convincing parents to let their kids on loose there alone would be a problem, so thank you very much, I’m not going and not bringing my students there.

Dissapointing to the very core really. When I asked the person in charge about this, I was told off in a rather pompous manner that they know what they are doing and was told to shut up because they are very experienced in doing whatever they are doing. They are not open to suggestion, criticisms or even mere opinion. Some newcomers are told off in a rather conceited way, but, Malaysian, being Malaysian, really do love to bootlick those who have powers and bitchy. Plagiarism is also taken very lightly in NaNoWriMo Malaysia.

I guess politics are everywhere. I’m really disgusted to see such things- with the way certain authors/novelist behave, anyone would automatically labeled all authors in Malaysia as ‘bitchy group of people’ instead the ‘creative and friendly’ type of people.

The Municipal Liaison for Malaysia region somehow succeed in making NaNoWriMo event every year a ‘classy’ and ‘high class’ event, where there would be fund-raising and parties at bars and pubs, but definitely failed to make NaNoWriMo’s ORIGINAL purpose (which is to EDUCATE) to be really known to the public as there are no attempts made to approach the media to advertise such activities. They just can’t get a grip at it that the whole thing is about encouraging people, adults, teenagers and children alike to be involved in writing line and reading more.

Cleffairy: I really do hope NaNoWriMo in Malaysia region could change for the better and stick to the original purpose which is encourage people to read and write, but I guess I am hoping too much out of Malaysians. Another thing that ‘Tak Boleh’ in Malaysia is asking people to stop bitching around and start educating and learning.

Ps: I may have won NaNoWriMo 2008 challenge, but in truth, I have not won my own challenge, which is to complete the whole novel. Hitting 50,000 words is very easy, but finishing a novel is not. Wish me luck.

And special message to Aunt Iris who is so concern for my health. Don’t worry Aunt Iris, give me a few days, and I will be as right as rain. I’m not sure if you received my second email or not, because your jaring mailbox is full. So just a short note to let you know that I’m all right. Will keep in touch with you, so you take care too.

😀

Continue Reading