1. You are my pro-bono in- house technician. Whenever my PC dies in my hand, you’d come to my rescue. Nothing is impossible to you. You’re my knight in… uh…no armour.
2. I’ve known for a fact that you’d walk through fire for me, though I am not sure if you could swim across the ocean for me… cuz you can’t swim. =.=
3. You’re my walking ATM machine. I don’t exactly have to bring out money whenever I’m with you cuz you will gladly pay for me. You’re such a gentleman.
4. You will get rid of whatever disgusting creature (lizard, rats) that disrupt the peace of my mind for me, so I love you alot for this.
6. You’ll buy me a new handphone if my phone conk out on me. (AHEMMM!)
7. You’re a very good kisser and I really, really like your hugs. Whatever that’s beyond hugging and kissing is not mentionable here, by the way. I believe my readers are very innocent. So ask me again when we’re alone.
8. You let me learn a lot of new things and let me be creative. You do not mind my eccentricity. I love you for this the most.
9. You will buy new Netbook for me now that it conked out on me… (ahemm, ahemm!)
10. YOU WILL BUY NEW NETBOOK FOR ME. SOBS…please buy a new netbook for me if it can’t be fixed. You know I cannot live without you… and also my netbook!
Cleffairy: There you go, folks… 10 things I love about my husband. He’s the greatest person in the world cuz he’ll buy me a new netbook (hopefully) when my own died on me! *duh, I am so shameless*
I mentioned in my previous blog post that my husband is studying again, didn’t I? Well… some people would say that studying and marriage does not exactly walk hand in hand as it is hard to juggle between your academic life and your family life, but I completely disagree. Why? Well, elementary my dear readers. When I first met my husband we were both just students. And when we’re together and blessed with a baby, we were still students. I was not even out of college yet and I managed to get good results in my studies while being a full time mother. It was hard, yes, but not impossible.
My husband and I graduated and when we started working 2-3 years back, we promised each other that we will not allow our marriage and relationship stop us from pursuing our studies in the future. Now it is time to keep our words to each other. My husband has just started studying again, and it will be my turn to continue my studies next year when our boy is finally standard 1. It would be great. The three of us will be students. We’d make quite a trio, don’t you think? Imagine the three of us sitting at the table doing our homeworks together or preparing for exams together. I think it would be very very nice!
My husband studying again is something I definitely can get used to… it’s going to be a bit rough along the way, no doubt, but I am very proud of my husband that he decided to continue his study. I’ve always have the hots for intelligent men whose nose stuck in the book every now and then. I find it pretty arousing and very, very, very sexy. (OMG… when the hell will he finally ruin his eyesight and wear specs? That would be sexier…just like Clark Kent!)
I like men with brains…they are… highly stimulating. LOL! Ahemm… I am not sure if my husband will read this. I don’t really hope he will read this post. I think I’d feel abit shy for expressing myself like this. But then again… what the hell… seeing him studying again reminds me of our college years where we’re both horny teenagers.
He was my senior, and we used to study together. And seeing him studying these days really brings back those memories where we used to hold hands and steal kisses in places we’re not supposed to do so- in the elevator, in the library, in the gardens and playgrounds…. Okay, we were both very naughty…so if you don’t want to read mushy things over here and goes eyewww, please get out of here before I make you retch. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.LOL.
Just last week, before my husband left for his exam, I kissed him good luck. It is nothing, really. I always kiss him on the lips each time before he go out. I’ve forgotten why we’ve been doing this, but now that he’s been studying and I’ve been taking a hell lot of trip down the memory lane, I finally remembered why I’ve been kissing him by the door before he goes out of the house without failed.
It is because I realized that I actually liked kissing him and being kissed since my first kiss back then. I used to steal kisses from him ever since our first kiss in front of my hostel room nine years ago. =.= It’s been a habit since, and when we started to live together, we just casually kiss each other before either one of us leave the house and stopped remembering why we’ve been doing this all these years, and from hot, open mouthed kisses, it became a chaste kiss on the lips.
Things are different when we’re living together. Things became rather…mundane, but now… I am not quite sure if I can say the same since my husband started to study again. There are welcome changes…things that I can definitely get used to again.
Oh boy… I think I am in big trouble. I caught myself stealing glances at my husband when he was sedately driving and I did the unthinkable and peep on him while he was studying. *FACEPALM* Not sure what the hell is wrong with me, but I suppose, seeing him having his nose stuck in the book makes me feel as giddy as a teenager again.
After so many years… I feel as if I don’t just need him in my life as the father to my child or my husband, but I want him all over again…want him… as in… want him just as him-no title or responsibility attached. Hmm… weird, that doesn’t really make sense. I suppose a better description of it it is falling in love with him all over again? Geez… I dunno… I can’t think straight right now. Right now I’m having flashback of us dancing to N’sync song- “I Drive Myself Crazy’. This damn scene where we dance in his room during college keeps intruding the peace of my mind. *GROAN*Â What the hell is wrong with me?
Sigh… anyway, my husband had his first exam 2 weeks ago and he passed with distinction. I am very proud of him and I think he deserved the good result as he really did study alot and drives my hormones crazy during the period. As much as I support him and wants him to excel… I am not quite sure if I’d survive myself. I’m becoming the younger version of me with each passing day and I could have sworn that he’s becoming the younger version of himself as well… with loads of improvements and tricks up his sleeves. My husband haven’t been a really good boy these days. He’s been rather naughty. =.= I wish I can say two can play the seduction game, but I’m a bit of a chicken, and this time around, I’d be sure to remind myself of protection. >.< I’m enjoying my life too much to be a mother all over again! For now, I want to enjoy being an ‘elder sister’ to my son and a lover to my husband.
Cleffairy:I lie awake, I drive myself crazy, thinking of you…
I am easily upset. It takes very little to upset me. But fortunately, it takes simple things to make me happy. Yes…I took pleasure in simple things in life and therefore… I get easily distressed by the fact that things gets complicated even when I’m laying low and minding my own business.
Anyway, yesterday, I went out with a friend for dinner, and her 5 years old little girl mistook my husband for my father and my son for being my little brother.
That is not the first time she referred them as my father and my little brother. She’s been referring them that for quite some time now. I was really amused and very pleased… to think that I look young enough to be my husband’s daughter and my son’s elder sister. LOL. Tsk… if only my husband and I have a daughter. Too bad. I’ve always wanted a little girl of my own. But then again, that’s just wishful thinking.
Dreams does not fit into reality very well. I have very little desire to start being a mother all over again. To be honest, I’m kinda enjoying being a mum to an older kid instead of babies and toddler. I do not wish to change anything, and I hope that everyone, including my husband would respect my wishes.
Anyway, I corrected the little girl and told her that they’re not my father and not my little brother. I told her that they’re my husband and son respectively. The little girl may not know this, but she made my day. She made me so happy cuz in her eyes, I look young.
That sweet little girl made me wonder: Do I really look that young? For what it’s worth, Mamarazzi and Paparazzi called me an underage girl before when I donned sporty clothes and a cap. Kids in the kindergarten sometimes mistook me for being an elder sister to my son too. And some of my colleagues and friends often mistook the boy for being my younger brother as well.
Hmmm…curious thought. I suppose I ought to enjoy the case of mistaken identity while it last. 😀
Cleffairy: It is a misfortune that sometimes reality does not accommodate dreams very well. And it is a misfortune too, that many hides their true colours. In the world of the adult, simple thinking, sincerity, honesty and true love is indeed a rare commodity.
Disclaimer: I want to do a lot of things, but I don’t have much time to accommodate everything. The article below is open for interpretation, and it’s a result of my attempt at writing a multi- purpose article. The article below is written because:
I’m participating in a writing challenge in my writing circle that begins with: Write a coherent article that contains:Queen of the Nile, Duracell Bunny, battery, Genie, pollution, Disney’s movie, Medieval slave.
I need to write a book review that I’ve been procrastinating from writing.
My desire to write up a Labour’s Day dedication to all overworked ladies who are wife and mother, but don’t quite have the time to do it, so yes, this is a Labour’s Day dedication.
I don’t know about you ladies out there, but for me, married life is not exactly a bed of roses. If a friend ask me what married life is like, I’d scornfully say it’s like working without the benefit of medical leave or any other advantages that’s applicable to other employees all around the world.’Vacations’ or a ‘medical leave’ is extremely hard to obtained for us wives. Well, at least to me, it is difficult.
Being married sometimes would also mean that you can be subjected to verbal and emotional harassment from your in- laws, and yet, you don’t quite have the rights whatsoever to drag your in- laws to court because more often than not, such action shall undermine your marriage because your other half gets all emotional over it and consequently, the marriage will turn sour and things will be ugly indefinitely.
Ask me how it is like to be a mother… I’d say: Quite like a Medieval slave in a feudal Lord’s household, cuz there’s endless chores to be done, tonnes of responsibility being placed on the shoulder, absolutely no escape, no bloody rest even you’re halfway dead and not to mention you shall also be the subject of society’s scrutiny if you failed to educate your children to be up to par with their peers.
Ask me what’s the advantage of being married… perhaps I’d say free, legal sex, though not necessarily safe all the time. That is an advantage, of course, if you have a libido like a hormonal teenager and your other half is actually good in bed and bent on pleasing you first before pleasing and satiating his own carnal needs.
If you don’t quite fancy having sex or the man is the kind who likes to please himself without taking your needs into consideration, then such legal advantage is of course, not an advantage and it’s just another chore and responsibility in your already long list.
Of course, I’m not saying that marriage and motherhood will be the same with everyone. Some women managed to land themselves some precious catch where their husband spoil them like the Queen of The Nile. They are the Queen of the world and need not lift a finger to even eat.
I only feel that way because at times, I feel that I am not appreciated and being taken for granted. I feel that way because people expect me to do everything and refuse to pick after themselves and see me like some sort of automatic machine that will do everything for them whenever, whatever they want to be done.
They also think that I am not entitled for some good rest. Perhaps, they are under the illusion that I am a Genie. Whatever they want, they’ll just wish it and I shall make it appear. Want a drink? No problem, just state the wish to me and I’ll make it appear. Want something to eat, no problem too, I’ll make it appear in a jiffy. Want money? Want massage? Sure, no problem. I can make it appear too and they do not even need to say the magic word ‘please’ or ‘thank you’.
I do wonder if I’m blue in colour… like that Genie in Disney’s movie Aladdin. I must be a higher class Genie, though… cuz apparently, the wishes people can ask of me is not just limited to 3, and they need not thank me for it because they probably thinks Genies like me won’t get mad and leave them because I’m under some unbreakable, binding contract that will not allow me to leave.
But of course… higher class Genie like me need not to live in an old lamp. I guess I’m luckier than any other Genies cuz I actually live in a house. Thank God for small mercies. I hate to think that I’d be confined in a lamp throughout my tenor as a Genie. I’m terribly claustrophobic, if you must know.
Sometimes, I tend to think I look like some noise pollution technician too, cuz every time there’s noise in the house, I’d be expected to fix it and make the noise go away.
You see, I got extremely sick and tired of that; to be seen like some sort of furniture that blends in the house perfectly. I wanted to be treated like human again, so whenever I feel that it is too much, I’d just go on strike and stop doing whatever I am expected to do. No cooking, no cleaning, no babysitting, no whatsoever.
Enough is enough, and one enough as for what it’s worth, even an employee have their rights and access to annual leave or medical leave. All they need to do is just apply it and they will get it. I should be entitled to some sort of relief too. I ought to be given the rights to say ‘NO’ when things does not sit well with me or when I am exhausted or when I’m ill. And I definitely have to be given rights to have a ‘ME’ time without being disturbed.
After so many years, I have come to realize that I’m not a toy bunny that’s running on Duracell battery that can go on and on without stopping. I’m just a bunny that’s running on a re-chargeable battery, and when the battery is depleted, I need to be recharged so that I can work efficiently again. I want to be appreciated. I need to make people see the importance of the role that I’m playing in the house.
I suppose, some ladies out there are feeling the same; things are too much to handle at times but just dare not voice it out or rant it out for the fear of being judged. It’s all right. I am sure you would know when enough is enough and put a stop to it and set things straight again and make people see you as a human once more instead of just a wish granting Genie or the inexhaustible Duracell Bunny.
Perhaps, you’re overworked and under-appreciated too, but do not know how to stop being overworked and be appreciated once again. Perhaps, some of you are tempted for a divorce. But trust me, sometimes, divorce is not the solution and will not make such problems go away. In fact, sometimes, divorce will only make things worst and brings up more issue.
All you need to do is just say ‘NO’ whenever things gets too much for you and make people see your worth. Don’t know how to do that? Perhaps, this book can help.
Title: I Almost Divorced My Husband But I Went On Strike Instead
Publisher: Cedar Fort
Imprint: Bonneville Books
Pub Date:8 June 2011
ISBN:9781599555171
I Almost Divorced My Husband But I Went On Strike Instead by Sherri Mills. In my opinion, this is a must have book for every wife and mother who overworked and under-appreciated. It teaches you how to turn that monster of a kid and that chauvinist swine of a husband back into an angel they used to be in the most effective and subtle way. I received a digital ARC of this book from the publisher Cedar Fort via Netgalley and I must say, this is definitely a self-help treasure. A 5 star book. If you’re an overworked and under-appreciated wife and mum, do yourself a favour and get a copy of this book when it’s released.
I received sms from one my uncles a couple of days ago, which is rather unusual, because he never keep in touch with me for God knows since when despite the fact that he is my father’s younger brother.
We used to be closed… he used to bring me for walks and play with me and whatnot when I was a little girl, but our relationship somehow grew apart when I went to college.
Our relationship grew further apart when my grandmother passed away and got even worst when his children, my cousins…annoyed me to death by being freeloaders. They like to take the easy way out and when they get into all sort of trouble, they will look up my father, who… out of pity, will bail them out countlessly til one day, got sick of them.
I… I don’t like my cousins. It is not that I do not appreciate the fact that we’re of same blood, but… you know, sometimes…it’s really sickening to hear from my parents about them. Of course it doesn’t help it too that they used to play all sort of pranks and get me and my sister into trouble when we were children too. Yes. They’re the sort of disaster that my sister and I would like to avoid at all cost.
Only last month, my cousin asked my father for RM5,000. She said it was for starting business. My father was wary of all this nonsense as this is not the first time she asked money from him. Each and every single time, she concoct all sort of excuses to ask money from my father. Same goes with her younger brother. They’re both just the same.
This time, my father told her off politely, saying that if she really wants to start a business, then she should go to the bank, get her proposal approved and get some loans and whatnot as that is the correct way to do business. Each and every time she’d ask to borrow money from him…but God knows how much she owed my father by now!
Is it called borrowing if you never intend to return it? This is nothing but bullshit, and I’m glad my father finally told her off. Don’t get me wrong. My family and I do not mind helping if they are really in need, but each and every time… we do not know where the money goes to, and what’s more, they are living in luxury. New cars, new handphones and gadgets all the time, fashionable clothes, etc. In my humble opinion, these people do not know how to live within their means.
I do not understand why such people exists, and I can’t believe how thick-faced they are. I always have financial issue. God knows how many times I cried because of financial problems before I sleep. And God knows how many sleepless days and night I have to go through thinking about money. I complained to no one. (Okay, maybe I did complain to close friends to let the steam off, but I never once ask to borrow anything from them)
My husband and I work our ass off to make ends meet, and the car that we’re using right now is even a second hand car that’s more than 10 years old. We barely survive with what we have in our savings account every goddamn month, but we never, ever asked help from anyone… not even our parents. We rather work our butts off than beg around for money from our relatives. We rather use a bloody car that gives us trouble most of the time than borrow some money from our parents or relatives so that we can travel in style.
When we’re insufficient of funds, I would add more classes and extend my teaching hours. I would also take extra editing projects and writing projects. I burn the midnight oil to the point my hormone gone imbalance and my doctor warns me to take it easy for the fear of hypertension.
My husband on the other hand, would also do his part by extending his working hours and take in more project. We never once take the easy way out by asking money from people just because we find it hard to pay the bills at the end of the day.
When I really couldn’t take it… I would call my father… you know… just to hear his voice, to hear him ask me if everything is okay… but never to ask anything from him. I don’t want him to worry about me. He deserves better than a whiny daughter who cannot stand up on her own.
I want to make my father proud… besides… each time I’m down, his voice have a rather magical effect on me. His voice never failed to remind me of words he once told me when I was a child. “I am a lion” (he’s born under the sign of Leo) ” And therefore, you should be a lioness. And lioness are strong and hold their own”
I can never understand… why… my cousins(yes… plural… not just one of them but a couple of them!) cannot do the same, and each time they have ‘financial’ issue, they’d simply call up my father and ask for money to be credited into their account! Who did they think my father is? A walking ATM machine? What rights do they have to simply ask money from my father when none of his daughters did that when they’re facing financial problems?
Okay, I admit… each time my father visit me I’d go on my daddy’s little girl mode and ask him to treat me with my favourite food or my favourite home-cook food. But that cannot be considered the same, can it? That is as far as it goes, and it did not involved money, and it is something he and my mother willingly give as a token of their love and affection.
Anyway… just a couple of days after my cousin asked for money from my father, her father, my uncle contacted me via sms. He was asking me if I have a Facebook account. I lied. Yes, I LIED. I said, NO. I don’t have a Facebook account and when he asked me to sign up for a Facebook account, I told him that I’m not exactly IT literate. I know this tactic. He’s been using it for ages. Each time he or my cousins failed to get money from my father, they’d go through me, hoping that I will persuade my father on their behalf, considering that my father hardly refuse me for I am always his little princess.
I don’t mean to shut my uncle out of my life like this… but sometimes… I get tired of his family’s nonsense and I am wary of listening to him asking me to help my cousins out too when nobody actually cares if I have any problems or not. Sometimes… I wish I can love and respect my uncle and my cousins the way I did when I was a little girl… but what can I say now? Not much…to me, sometimes, to be kind, you need to be cruel.
Cleffairy: Won’t you agree with me that sometimes, to be kind, you need to be cruel?
It’s been a long time since I last post up something sexy, isn’t it? It’s been almost a year. Well… I think it’s high time I do something about it. Today, let us talk about the art of pleasuring women that most men neglect to pay attention to: The art of fingering.
Did you know that using your fingers on a woman’s vagina can reap amazing results? Given that you use the right finger techniques, of course.
But before you get to work, however, do take note on one thing: A woman needs to be revved up and ready to go before you can manipulate her vagina with these finger techniques. You can’t just shove your fingers inside her or rub her clitoris without ensuring arousal first. So, remember to turn her on before you introduce her to your hands. The art of fingering is all about being subtle and sensuous. And the art of being subtle and sensuous is all about foreplay.
There’s a couple of interesting technique that men could try to experiment with:
Screwing (no pun intended)
You’ll need to use your index and middle fingers for this one. Sit between her legs and start off with the palm of your hand facing down. Insert your fingers all the way in, then turn your hand so that your palm is facing up and comes out. Repeat it as often as necessary until she reaches orgasm. When you turn your hand so that your palm faces up, tap her clitoris with your thumb each time.
The G-spot indicator
Sitting in front of her with your palm facing up, insert your finger(s) inside her and make a “come hither” motion. Your objective is to try to tap her belly button from the inside, in effect, hitting her G-spot. Don’t get aggressive right away, however. Start off slowly and, judging by her reaction, keep the same pace or increase speed.
The shocker
If you and your woman enjoy experimenting and you’ve explored the back end before, this one may be quite enjoyable for her. While you’re using your index and middle fingers in her vagina, stick your pinkie finger in her anus. While you go in and out, both holes will be stimulated simultaneously.
The slider
This finger technique needs good lubrication. With your index and middle fingers, start off by placing the tips of your fingers on either side of her clitoris, then glide down and make your way inside her vagina. Get back to where you started and keep repeating this maneuver.
Manipulating the vagina to orgasm is not as difficult as you may think. Once you manage to arouse her mind, her body will follow. And of course, you should encourage her to be vocal about what she likes.
The rubber
The clitoris is the place to stimulate for most women. When she’s adequately self-lubricated, or you’ve put some water-based lube on your fingers, use the tips of your index and middle fingers to rub her clitoris softly in a circular motion. Her reaction will let you know that you’re on to something. Continue your pace and slowly begin to increase speed. At no point, however, should you go so fast that you end up losing focus.
The helping hand
If you can manage to use both hands at different tempos, she’ll keep getting wetter. While using the tips of your fingers on one hand to rub her clitoris in a circular motion, use the index and middle fingers of the other hand to glide in and out of her vagina. The multiple sensations will serve to increase her chances of reaching orgasm. It’s not a race, however; you don’t have to go as fast as humanly possible. Just keep a steady rhythm. If she wants it faster, she’ll let you know.
Cleffairy: Now… there’s more reason for you to keep your nails short…
Maybe, it will be fun to see the world from a different angle. You see, ever since 2010 ended, I’ve been doing awful lot of thinking and loads of trips down the memory lane. While the year 2010 was quite a blast and was one of my happier and more fulfilling year than the ones before, it does have some… what do you call it… upsetting things that I could not get out of my mind. Things I wish I could forget but most probably will remember for the rest of my life.
Things that I couldn’t really confide in others because it’s bitter to the point that I am not sure if people would understand unless they were placed in the same position I was. Oh, well, I’m certain that some would understand, after all… I don’t doubt that there were many other women who were placed in the same position I was, by choice or by sheer, damnable circumstances.
There are things I wonder…you see… I feel somewhat detached… you know… crazy author kinda thingie. I just finished my 2010 novel, and I feel ridiculously empty and overwhelmed…VERY OVERWHELMED… I missed my characters and stuff, I sorta feel like an empty nest syndrome here but at the same time, I feel so worn out and exhausted and therefore, I decided to take a little break from writing until 14th January 2011.I kinda thought that a little break from writing would do me good.
But I am not quite sure if it’s a good thing or not… trying to be lay back abit is kinda hard… cuz when I don’t really get myself occupied, I started to thing about things… weird things…like… how is it like to be the other woman… or having an affair…or about… second chances… you know, that sort of things.
I don’t know what’s going on with me… really, I don’t. Mid- age crisis? I am not sure… I am not even a middle ager! Perhaps the not writing thing makes my head goes looney. Or maybe, I just plainly wonder how it feels like… after all, men do it all the time, no matter from what age or era they come from. They cheat on their wife and go to their pretty mistress with perfume behind their knees all the time, and I kinda wonder… wonder how it feels like to be in such women’s position.
It must be fun huh? Doing hanky panky things behind your spouse’s back… taking phonecalls and being sending secretive smses when your other half is not watching… or rejecting phone calls and lying to your spouse’s face saying it’s a wrong number or even telling them that it’s nothing… it’s just spam. It must be fun sneaking out and leave your spouse to deal with dirty diaper of messy feeding time too.
It must be really fun… being the other woman too… you see…you can wear like a tart and get complimented by it, and you don’t have to clean up after the guy or cook for him or deal with the nasty, shrewed, mother in law.
It’s part of the package of being a girlfriend to a married man or a mistress to a married man. Being a kept woman is nice, I guess, and I suppose everyone loves to be appreciated. It’s even nicer that we get to spend men’s money and he won’t complain about it being expensive or over budget too.
I guess that is why some women goes after married man and place a ‘single, but having an affair with a married man’ label on their forehead. It’s nice. All you need to do is inspire the man to have sex with you… have fun with him… listen to him and not nag(cuz you don’t actually have to, you don’t have to give a damn since you’re not exactly living 24/7 with him)…and you don’t have to clean or actually look after him cuz it works differently when you’re a mistress or a kept woman.
*sigh* maybe it will be fun exploring such world…so I think… this year… I’m going to get out of my comfort zone abit and write about such men and women instead of the fairy-tale like stories where men are handsome and rich and impossibly faithful and loving spouse, because the truth is…there is no such things.
Things get really, really boring at some point and men started to take their wives for granted after two or three years of marriage. And things gets even more worst and mundane with the arrival of those red, wriggly things that requires a lot of house-training. Yes… reality is… marriage equals to mundane and boring after some point, and many people wonders what it’s like to have an affair. Men wonders and look for an affair most of the time… they have an affair most of the time… and I kinda wonder how it would be like to be the other woman instead of you know…the victim of an affair.
Affairs… might be messy, but they might give you some sweet feelings and stuff… so yeah… 2011 is gonna be quite an adventure for me, cuz I’m stepping out of the box and write about such women instead of the disgustingly romantic men that does not, and will never exist. Okay… this year… I’ll be writing about “Bitching 101”
Anyway… not that I’m encouraging extra-marital affairs, but my advice to single men who wants to seduce married women into an affair: Never ever say your mother is an angel… or how you adore your mother… that’s a complete turn off, trust me… such things… such respect and such admiration towards your mother, just works on single, naive women not on an already married woman. And another thing…unless you’re prepared to learn how to cook instead of eating out and clean up after yourself…don’t ever think of seducing a married woman.
Cleffairy: Having responsibility and playing house is not part of the deal when you have an affair with a married woman or married man for that matter.It’s a huge turn off and disgusting. Having an affair is all about NSA, is it not?
One of the most difficult parts of recovering from infidelity is talking about the affair itself. Some affair victims are absolutely convinced that they have to talk about the affair before they can heal and move on. But this may not work well for everyone. To some people, talking about the affair is extremely important, while to others it is not such a big detail. To talk or not to talk about the affair is entirely up to you.
With that said, here are a few guidelines to make this process a little less rocky for you.
It’s the injured spouse’s decision whether to discuss the affair or not
In discussions about the affair, the injured spouse should be the one to initiate as well as to control the flow of any conversations about the affair. While you want to get the information you need to move past the pain, you also want to avoid any unnecessary pain now, so decide what level of detail you are comfortable with and don’t be afraid to stop the conversation when you start to feel overwhelmed. Since this is your chance to fill in the missing pieces, keep the conversation focused on you.
Complete honesty from the cheating spouse
During these delicate conversations, the cheater should be completely honest with the information he gives his spouse and should also freely reveal whatever is asked while being sensitive to information that is going to be particularly painful to his spouse. If the cheating spouse is not 100 percent honest with his answers, this will only contribute to the overall atmosphere of distrust that is already in the marriage.
It’s best to take in the information slowly
While you may want to know everything about the affair all at once, this is would not be the best course of action for you to take. You should take your time getting the information you need and resist the urge to rush through the process. Doing so is only going to emotionally overload you and make you feel frustrated, and angry.
Healing after an affair takes time and having conversations about the affair itself is a major part of the healing process. So you should take as much time as you need to work through these issues. Realize also that this type of conversation is often an emotionally painful experience, so only you can decide if talking about the affair is worth the effort. The good news is that couples who make it through these harrowing conversations about the affair, often have the strength and courage needed to work on recovering from infidelity and healing their marriages.
Cleffairy: Stick and stones may break my bones…but physical pain is much more bearable than emotional anguish.
Have I ever told you my love story? The story of first love, the story of sweet nothings and romance? Have I told you the story of the prince outside of my window with a stalk of Champagne rose? How about the man who held my hand while riding a motorcycle? Or the one who wrote his name with a firework stick? Or maybe, the man who learned to swim and ride horse because of me?
I guess I haven’t. LOL. And I’m not sure if I will, because there are things that I don’t tell and keep to myself.
But I surely appreciate it that my sweetheart brought me to this place, and I hope that in the future, there would be more. Hahahahaha!
Actually, I’m pretty easy to please… indulge me with the simple pleasure in life…a few moments of peace to reflect and protect me from the Gorgons who can’t wait to devour me out there, and you’ll be making me the happiest woman on Earth. 😀
I made 3 phone calls today. One to my aunt, one to my mother, and another to my father. 2 of the phone calls made me feel so horrible, causing me to make another phone call. 🙁 Guess whom was the last one I called just to make myself feel better again? *sigh*
Yes, that’s right. The last phone call was to my father. Why? Cuz both my aunt and my mum kinda make me feel bad inside to the point that I feel like I wanna throw up!
I feel like crying. I wanted to cry, but I won’t let myself. I won’t allow myself to be wallowed by self pity and self-disgust…. especially when my bloody other half is being nonchalant about this freaking issue. Maybe I should just take up shooting and shoot something to vent my frustration. 🙁 I feel so trapped and abused. Yes, that’s right. Abused. And also used… and also unappreciated… and the list goes on!
To cut the long story short… I made a phone call to my aunt, who is just 1 year older than me, to congratulate her on being pregnant. Then all the bloody nonsense when I’m going to have a baby and blah blah blah started. I was really happy, truly, that she’s being pregnant and all… but does she have to ask me a lot of personal questions that I don’t feel like answering?
*sigh* I avoided her question like a plague, and and made a promise that I don’t really tend to keep, which is to… uh… visit her when she finally give birth… cuz I kinda hate being around relatives who loves to get on my nerves by asking me personal questions and those showing off and stuff.
You see… I’m not really successful in life, and I wonder if I ever will be. I am not rich, and I don’t exactly reproduce like some sort of a pig either… so yeah… you get the picture, why I don’t like to be around relatives. They simply poke their noses in places that they’re not supposed to.
After successfully ending the conversation with my oblivious Aunt, I called my mother, whom I haven’t talk to for quite some time now. You know… call her just to ask if she’s all right and whatnot. BIG MISTAKE.
Of course she’s all right. She’s always all right. She almost NEVER fall sick. 🙁 Not that I’m saying I wish that she gets sick… I’m just saying that sometimes, I feel really uncomfortable talking to her, because she likes to… uh… gossip, and… like those people in my life… she loves to… compare me with others, even when I’m all grown up. I can’t relate to her, and she doesn’t understand me. She loves to socialize with relatives, much to my chagrin.
She loves going to the weddings, baby showers and funeral( Good Lord… I don’t know if anybody can enjoy a funeral, but obviously, my mother can). Fine. She likes family occasion. That is none of my business. But I don’t feel comfortable at all when she tells me how big their weddings are, and how wonderful their baby showers are…she always says them in a tone that’s hinting me something, and I loathe it so, so much.
Why can’t she just let me off, and leave me alone? I am not interested in joining her and make a court jester out of myself at these family occasions.
I never failed to feel bad each time my mother talked to me about those stuff. Talking… is still tolerable… why can’t she understand that I have no interest in taking part in those things that she’s so fond of? 🙁
I’m not interested to go to relatives’ wedding. I don’t want to go to relatives’ baby showers… and I don’t want to go to funeral too. Why? Because people just won’t mind their own business and ask ME personal question that I considered as invasion of privacy!
It is sooooooooo difficult. No offense… but I kinda hate female relatives and outlaws who are in their 50s. I can’t relate to them, and they’re pretty…what’s the word? OBNOXIOUS.
I felt sooo sooo bad, and knowing that my husband would brush me off when I talk about these stuff…you know… relatives’ wedding, baby showers and whatnot…my husband is never interested in listening to such things and so I called up THE ONLY PERSON who WILL ALWAYS listened to me, regardless of how silly I may sound- MY FATHER.
I called him up, and he was still at work. He told me that he was in front of the PC, finishing up some work, and so I told him that I will call back later when he’s not busy, but thank God he said that it’s all right and refused to let me hang up.
He asked me if I’m all right. And of course…I kinda lied him. I told him I’m fine, just a bit stressed about work and whatnot. The usual. He must be sensing that I’m upset… cuz he asked if I’m feeling well. So I told him… I don’t know if I’m feeling well… I’m feeling feverish… must be the weather and I just call to hear his voice and to ask if he’s doing okay.
But my father knew me very well and bombed me. “Did you happen to call your mother?” he asked.
I broke down at this point. I said yes, and I blahs to him, telling him that my mother had been at it again, asking me to go to places I don’t want to and telling me who and who is getting married, and who and who is having baby showers, and who and who is so pretty and practically glowing… and also about so and so who is just promoted and whatnot.
I told him I don’t want to go back to those family occasions… because I feel that no matter how successful I am in life… people would still judge me on how well-married I am and how many pooping and wailing brats I have~! And people are more interested in how many times I get laid a week more than what I’ve worked so hard to build! It sickens me to the very core. 🙁
While other people in my life would have probably reprimand me for being so reserved and refused to socialize with gossiping bimbos at this point, my father didn’t accuse me of that. He listened sympathetically and told me that he didn’t fancy family occasion too, and if I don’t want to, I don’t have to go back and face those people who doesn’t mind their own business.
I told him that I missed him. And the only reason why I wanted to go back for the holidays is just because I wanted to see him. 🙁 Even if people around me hurt me badly and made me feel inferior with their words, I still want to see him and have a good time together. I missed talking to him, I missed being understood and I especially missed being taken seriously.
I heard clicks of the keyboard at this point. And after a few seconds… my father told me…that perhaps, he could make some arrangements and come to visit me instead… he didn’t promise me… he said he would try to make arrangements to visit me instead.
And you know what? That alone makes me feel a lot better, even if he can’t manage to come and visit me during the holidays. Those words… those words alone made me feel loved, protected and and cherished. Those words made me feel important too. And… for now, those are enough for me. Even if he can’t manage to come and visit me… I feel better already… with just his words…my father… he made me feel better… by just listening and assuring me that he loves me regardless of how people think of me.
Cleffairy: Breathing is difficult, especially when people are trying their best to suffocate you. And here’s ‘How Can You Mend a Broken Heart’ by Bee Gees.
How Can You Mend A Broken Heart
I can think of younger days when living for my life
Was everything a man could want to do.
I could never see tomorrow, but I was never told about the sorrow.
And how can you mend a broken heart?
How can you stop the rain from falling down?
How can you stop the sun from shining?
What makes the world go round?
How can you mend a this broken man?
How can a loser ever win?
Please help me mend my broken heart and let me live again.
I can still feel the breeze that rustles through the trees
And misty memories do days gone by
We could never see tomorrow, noone said a word about the sorrow.
And how can you mend a broken heart?
How can you stop the rain from falling down?
How can you stop the sun from shining?
What makes the world go round?
How can you mend this broken man?
How can a loser ever win?
Please help me mend my broken heart and let me live again.
