Some lines they are…

Heyya peeps. Sorry that I haven’t been visiting and commenting around in your beautiful blog. My line sux and I’m exhausted to boot. All right, all right, I know they are lame excuses. But they’re the truth, and I couldn’t seems to fight fatigue these days.

I just wonder what’s wrong with my body. It can’t seems to be getting enough rest, no matter how I try. So if you don’t mind, do drop a line or two if you know how to overcome fatigue. I welcome kind advices and recipes, if you’re willing to share with me.

I haven’t got the time to come up with interesting articles, but i found this in my old email this morning from my friend Pauline. i thought I’d share with you guys to brighten your days.

1. I say no to alcohol, it just doesn’t listen.

2. A friend in need is a pest indeed.

3. Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.

4. Work is fine if it doesn’t take too much of your time.

5. When everything comes in your way you’re in the wrong lane.

6. The light at the end of the tunnel may be an oncoming train..

7. Born free, taxed to death.

8. Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don’t have film.

9. Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.

10. Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.

11. If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you’ll have trouble putting on your pants.

12. It’s not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere.

13.. I love being a writer… what I can’t stand is the paperwork.

14. A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.

15. The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.

16. The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.

17. In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?

18. If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?

19. Beat the 5 O’clock rush, leave work at noon!

20. If you can’t convince them, confuse them.

21. It’s not the fall that kills you. It’s the sudden stop at the end.

22. I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder!

23. Hot glass looks same as cold glass. – Cunino’s Law of Burnt Fingers

24. The cigarette does the smoking you are just the sucker.

25. Someday is not a day of the week

26. Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.

27. To Err is human, to forgive is not a Company policy.

28. The road to success…. Is always under construction.

29. Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk.

30. In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don’t need it.

31. All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive, fattening or married to someone else.


Cleffairy: Back to sleep now…hopefully I will feel energized when I woke up. 🙁


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Get yourself a dog…

I’ve been a bit down these days, and life is busy as usual, and I’m in need of some good vibes, so I looked into my old email where there’s loads of junks sent by my old friends and colleagues. This is one of em, and I thought I’d share with you guys. This is for all women who are feeling down and stress. Take it easy and hang in there, ladies…


If you want someone who will eat whatever you put in front of him, and never say its not quite as good as his mother’s

1

….then buy a dog.


If you want someone always willing to go out, at any hour, for as long and wherever you want …

2

… then buy a dog.

If you want someone who will never touch the remote, doesn’t care about football, and can sit next to you as you watch romantic movies…

3

… then buy a dog.


If you want someone who is content to get on your bed just to warm your feet and who you can push off if he snores…

4

… then buy a dog.


If you want someone who never criticizes what you do, doesn’t care if you are pretty or ugly, fat or thin, young or old, who acts as if every word you say is especially worthy of listening to, and loves you unconditionally, perpetually…

5

… then buy a dog.

BUT, on the other hand . . .

If you want someone who will never come when you call, ignores you totally when you come home, leaves hair all over the place, walks all over you, runs around all night and only comes home to eat and sleep, and acts as if your entire existence is solely to ensure his happiness …

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

ATT000001

… then buy a cat!

Now be honest, you thought I was gonna’ say… marry a man, didn’t you?

Cleffairy: Sometimes, living with a man is just like living with a cat…

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Comeback to lame pick up lines…

Ladies, ever feel that you could throw up listening to some men’s lame pick up line, and you’d probably cut a hand to tell them off? Here’s some that I’d like to share with you:

Man: Haven’t I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I’ll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I’m a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what’s your sign?v Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: If I could see you naked, I’d die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I’d probably die laughing.

Here’s some of the pick up line that cracked me up, a courtesy of my friend as well…and so far I haven’t have the comeback for it. And after reading through, I realized that my husband used some of in on me every now and then. Thankfully it’s my husband and not anyone else, otherwise the sucker would have known how it’s like to feel hell.

😛

  1. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
  2. Is it HOT in here or is it just you?
  3. If I follow you home, will you keep me?
  4. If I told you that you had a great body, would you hold it against me?
  5. If you are going to regret me in the morning, I’ll let you sleep in until the afternoon
  6. Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
  7. Let’s have a party and invite your pants to come down
  8. I’m not drunk. I’m intoxicated by you
  9. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put U and I together
  10. Help the homeless. Take me home with you
  11. All those curves, and me with no brake
  12. I hope you know CPR, ‘cos you take my breath away
  13. You see my friend over there? (Points to friend who sheepishly waves from afar) He wants to know whether YOU think I am cute
  14. What does it feel like to be the most beautiful girl in this room?
  15. Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa what I want most for Christmas?
  16. Hello, I am a thief and I am here to steal your heart
  17. I am invisible (Really??) Can you see me? (Yes.) What about tomorrow night?
  18. Hey, are you forgetting to bring back something? (What?) Me!
  19. Are you taking any application for a boyfriend?
  20. Your legs must be tired. (Why?) ‘Cos you have been running through my mind all night.

Cleffairy: Cheers, people. Have a long and nice weekend.

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Great advice for your daughters

My friend shared this piece with me this morning, and I thought it’s pretty nice to share with fellow women out there. Enjoy.

1. Don’t imagine you can change a man – unless he’s in diapers.

2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks-out? You shut the door.

3. If they put a man on the moon – they should be able to put them all up there.

4. Never let your man’s mind wander – it’s too little to be out alone.

5. Go for younger men. You might as well – they never mature anyway.

6. Men are all the same – they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.

7. Definition of a bachelor; a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

8. Women don’t make fools of men – most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

9. Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest they are too old for it.

10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.

12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn’t ask for directions.

13. If he asks what sort of books you’re interested in, tell him cheque books.

14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.

15. Sadly, all men are created equal…

Cleffairy: LOL… if men enjoyed reading Calvin’s joke on women, I think this could brightens up some women’s day. 😛

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Dick-siao-narie

I wanted to post something else today, but I found this piece in my email this morning, sent by my best friend, Pauline. Since it’s Monday, and most of you are probably bitching on how suck your life in office is, here’s a little bit of something to ease your Monday blues. Cheers, people.

Wonderful Definitions…


School: A place where Papa pays and son plays.

Life Insurance:
A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die RICH


Nurse:
A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.

Marriage: It’s an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.

Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower.

Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students
without passing through ‘the minds of either’

Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Dictionary: A place where success comes before work.


Conference Room:
A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

Father: A banker provided by nature.

Criminal: A guy no different from the rest…..except that he got caught.

Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.

Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.

Classic: Books, which people praise, but do not read.

Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.

Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.

Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be wise …

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Children are God’s gift

This post is dedicated to those who have children, or in charge of children. A little bit of something for you guys to ponder upon, and have a good laugh.  Clef is in her weekend mood, so her brain is half dead, too lazy to crack up some original article. Here goes:

Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God’s omnipotence did not extend to His own children.

After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve.

And the first thing he said was ‘DON’T! ‘


‘Don’t what? ‘ Adam replied.

‘Don’t eat the forbidden fruit.’ God said.

‘Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey Eve..we have forbidden fruit! ‘
‘No Way! ‘

‘Yes way! ‘

‘Do NOT eat the fruit! ‘said God.

‘Why ? ‘

‘Because I am your Father and I said so! ‘ God replied, wondering why He hadn’t stopped creation after making the elephants.

A few minutes later,God saw His children having an apple break and He was ticked!

‘Didn’t I tell you not to eat the fruit? ‘ God asked.

‘Uh huh,’ Adam replied.

‘Then why did you?’said the Father.

‘I don’t know,’said Eve.

‘She started it! ‘ Adam said.

‘Did not! ‘

‘Did too! ‘

‘DID NOT! ‘

Having had it with the two of them, God’s punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own.

Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.

BUT THERE IS REASSURANCE IN THE STORY

If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven’t taken it, don’t be hard on yourself.

If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?

THINGS TO THINK ABOUT

1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.

2. Grandchildren are God’s reward for not killing your own children.

3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.

4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn’t have said.

5. The main purpose of holding children’s parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.

6. We childproofed our homes, but they are still getting in.

ADVICE FOR THE DAY:

Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home one day.

AND FINALLY:

IF YOU ! HAVE A LOT OF TENSION AND YOU GET A HEADACHE, DO WHAT IT SAYS ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE:

'TAKE TWO ASPIRIN' AND

'KEEP AWAY

FROM CHILDREN'!!!


Cleffairy: Children are all about trials and terror, trust me on this.
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Children are God's gift

This post is dedicated to those who have children, or in charge of children. A little bit of something for you guys to ponder upon, and have a good laugh.  Clef is in her weekend mood, so her brain is half dead, too lazy to crack up some original article. Here goes:

Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God’s omnipotence did not extend to His own children.

After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve.

And the first thing he said was ‘DON’T! ‘


‘Don’t what? ‘ Adam replied.

‘Don’t eat the forbidden fruit.’ God said.

‘Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey Eve..we have forbidden fruit! ‘
‘No Way! ‘

‘Yes way! ‘

‘Do NOT eat the fruit! ‘said God.

‘Why ? ‘

‘Because I am your Father and I said so! ‘ God replied, wondering why He hadn’t stopped creation after making the elephants.

A few minutes later,God saw His children having an apple break and He was ticked!

‘Didn’t I tell you not to eat the fruit? ‘ God asked.

‘Uh huh,’ Adam replied.

‘Then why did you?’said the Father.

‘I don’t know,’said Eve.

‘She started it! ‘ Adam said.

‘Did not! ‘

‘Did too! ‘

‘DID NOT! ‘

Having had it with the two of them, God’s punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own.

Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.

BUT THERE IS REASSURANCE IN THE STORY

If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven’t taken it, don’t be hard on yourself.

If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?

THINGS TO THINK ABOUT

1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.

2. Grandchildren are God’s reward for not killing your own children.

3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.

4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn’t have said.

5. The main purpose of holding children’s parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.

6. We childproofed our homes, but they are still getting in.

ADVICE FOR THE DAY:

Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home one day.

AND FINALLY:

IF YOU ! HAVE A LOT OF TENSION AND YOU GET A HEADACHE, DO WHAT IT SAYS ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE:

'TAKE TWO ASPIRIN' AND

'KEEP AWAY

FROM CHILDREN'!!!


Cleffairy: Children are all about trials and terror, trust me on this.
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Children are God’s gift

This post is dedicated to those who have children, or in charge of children. A little bit of something for you guys to ponder upon, and have a good laugh.  Clef is in her weekend mood, so her brain is half dead, too lazy to crack up some original article. Here goes:

Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God’s omnipotence did not extend to His own children.

After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve.

And the first thing he said was ‘DON’T! ‘


‘Don’t what? ‘ Adam replied.

‘Don’t eat the forbidden fruit.’ God said.

‘Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey Eve..we have forbidden fruit! ‘
‘No Way! ‘

‘Yes way! ‘

‘Do NOT eat the fruit! ‘said God.

‘Why ? ‘

‘Because I am your Father and I said so! ‘ God replied, wondering why He hadn’t stopped creation after making the elephants.

A few minutes later,God saw His children having an apple break and He was ticked!

‘Didn’t I tell you not to eat the fruit? ‘ God asked.

‘Uh huh,’ Adam replied.

‘Then why did you?’said the Father.

‘I don’t know,’said Eve.

‘She started it! ‘ Adam said.

‘Did not! ‘

‘Did too! ‘

‘DID NOT! ‘

Having had it with the two of them, God’s punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own.

Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.

BUT THERE IS REASSURANCE IN THE STORY

If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven’t taken it, don’t be hard on yourself.

If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?

THINGS TO THINK ABOUT

1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.

2. Grandchildren are God’s reward for not killing your own children.

3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.

4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn’t have said.

5. The main purpose of holding children’s parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.

6. We childproofed our homes, but they are still getting in.

ADVICE FOR THE DAY:

Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home one day.

AND FINALLY:

IF YOU ! HAVE A LOT OF TENSION AND YOU GET A HEADACHE, DO WHAT IT SAYS ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE:

'TAKE TWO ASPIRIN' AND

'KEEP AWAY

FROM CHILDREN'!!!


Cleffairy: Children are all about trials and terror, trust me on this.
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Cigarette Love Story

Chill out people, it’s Friday. Another historic day for Malaysia. I was having my usual cuppa tea while browsing and watching online news on Datuk Seri Najib tun Razak’s appointment as Malaysia’s sixth PM when these funny poem about cigarette came in my mail. Allow me to share with you guys. I hope it lightens your day.

I am Peter Stuyvesant
I have two friends, Benson and Hedges
I came from the city of Marlboro,
In the Salem high country
I Always carry a Mild Seven
I rode on a White Horse
Going to Kingsway in Kent
It was Lucky Strike I fell in love
With the daughter of Master Duke
Her name Was YSL
We got married by Perillys , the priest
We checked in at the house of Dunhill
And booked into room number 555
I laid her on the bed made of Gold Leaf
I played with her two Matterhorns
When I poked in my Rothmans King Size
She cried in delight, ‘You are a Rough Rider !!!’
You are riding like a mad Camel
When I asked her if she is satisfied
She answered’ I want MORE! !!!’

Then suddenly she turned around and asked me if I want to enter her Gudang Garam.

She said… depan belakang puas, barulah SAMPOERNA!

Cleffairy: Smoking is hazardous to health. Over a Cuppa Tea author do not promote or condone smoking. Smoke at your own risk.


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How to recruit the right person for the job?

I have a lot of things to bitch about, but then again, they’re very unpleasant, so I’ll just spare your innocents eyes and save it for later and share a joke that my good friend Pauline sent to me some times ago.


HOW TO RECRUIT THE RIGHT PERSON FOR THE JOB?

Put about 100 bricks in some particular order in a closed room with an Open window.

Then send 2 or 3 candidates in
The room and close the door.

Leave them alone and come back
After 6 hours and then analyze
The situation.

If they are counting the Bricks.
Put them in the accounts Department .

If they are recounting them..
Put them in auditing ..
If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks.
Put them in engineering .

If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order.
Put them in planning .

If they are throwing the bricks at each other.
Put them in operations .

If they are sleeping.
Put them in security .

If they have broken the bricks into pieces..
Put them in information Technology .

If they are sitting idle.
Put them in human resources .

If they say they have tried different combinations, yet not a brick has been moved.
Put them in sales.

If they have already left for the day.
Put them in marketing .

If they are staring out of the Window.
Put them on strategic Planning.

And last but not least…

If they have been talking to each other and not a single brick has been moved…

Congratulate them

and put them in

Top

management


Cleffairy: Most bosses are NATO- No Action, Talk Only!

ps: Visit Calvin’s blog for related post. LOL.


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