A Penny For Your Thoughts, Down The Memory Lane, Time Heals What Love And Reason Cannot, writing

She patched me up when I was torn…

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How many of you are actually blessed enough to have friends who will stick with you through thick or thins? I’m sure you can easily say that you’re blessed with a lot of friends who will laugh with you and cry with you when you’re younger, but as we grew older, not many can actually say that. As we grow older, things started to change…. people started to change.

I have a lot of friends, but I have to say, some friends are better off as enemies. I used to have fair-weather friends and they do things that doesn’t exactly sit well with me.

I’m not quite sure how to say this without being too obvious, but let’s just say that some so-called friends do things that even animals won’t do, and they would even fuck your husband if they can just to spite you.

Some friends are ruthless even though their disposition says otherwise. They take take advantage of you whenever they can, and will do anything to ruin your happiness. Such lowlives. Yes… they are better off as enemies.

But some friends, some friends are for keep. Even though I was unlucky enough to encounter venomous snakes who have the cheeks to call themselves my friends somewhere along the road, but I was blessed enough to have real friends who not only will cry with me when the world crumbles beneath my feet, but will also be my pillar of strength when I actually have none.

A few years back… I lived in the world of darkness. Unable to trust, unable to love and unable to give. Because when I gave trust, my trust was trampled and broken mercilessly, by the ones that I love, no less.

I felt that my love was was unrequited back then and when I give, I get nothing back. I got sick, tired, and really fed up and therefore, I build a wall around myself. I was afraid to get hurt. It was pathetic, but what else can I do? I did not want to get hurt anymore. I have enough unhealed wounds.

I thought….enough is enough, and did you know what’s worst? I stopped believing… I stopped having faith in God. I even blamed Him for every single bad things that happened to me. I could not see that what I’ve been through was actually His will and I failed to see that He’s trying to show me something before it’s too late.

It is sad…it was just so sad that I failed to see what God intend me to see…which is ‘truth’. He was showing me the evil around me, but I refused to open my eyes and see. He was showing me who was my real friends and who was my enemies, but I stubbornly shut Him out of my heart.

I did not realize that by refusing Him, I was hurting myself even more…unable to love, unable to trust… and unable to function properly. By not believing in Him, I was just like a little bird with clipped wings, unable to fly, and vulnerable to predators around me.

But God works in mysterious ways, and I am forever grateful for that, for He sent me friends to teach me what I’ve forgotten. He sent me friends to remind me about love, kindness and generosity. He made me learn how to trust, how to give and how to open my heart to Him all over again through these friends.

I can name a few of these friends whom God sent to me to remind me of His existence and that all is not lost… but today, I’ll just name one, because today is my friend’s birthday. She’s none other than Smallkucing‘s Mamarazzi.

Without her, I would not be here today for before I got to know her, I was actually suicidal. She stopped me from pulling the trigger that would end my life, and she made me believe in Him again. I never thought it could have been possible, but she patched me up when I was torn.

She’s may be fierce and a no-nonsense kind of person on the outside, but she’s nothing but pure kindness inside. She taught what I’ve forgotten, and she made a better person out of me.

She’s God’s gift to me, and perhaps, the entire world too if they are lucky enough to get to know her.

Yes… today is her birthday, and so here I am, writing this while praying that God will bless her and her family always. I am forever indebted to her, and only God could repay her kindness and generosity towards me.

Happy birthday, Mamarazzi. You’re not just a friend to me, but an elder sister that I never had.

Cleffairy: I am truly blessed, for I have friends who do things that means so much to me…. and I give thanks to God for that every day.

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A Penny For Your Thoughts, Time Heals What Love And Reason Cannot, writing

Empty no more.

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Little Bird says… ” Happy birthday”. 😀

My life, would have been empty. Void of warmth and happiness if I was not blessed enough to know MommyLing.

Among all of my blogger friends, she’s the closest to me in regards of age. Unlike most of my blogger friends whom I’ve been lucky enough to be acquainted with, Ling and I are only one year apart, and at many levels, we’re on the same page. (Most of my blogger friends are much older than I am…usually… 10, 20, or even 30 years older than I am)

You see, before I got to know her,  I’ve always feel so out of place when I mingle around with young people… say… people who are single and still in their 20s. Strange, isn’t it? Considering that I am also that age. Yes, people…I am still in my20s. In fact, I’m just 26, though alot of people, including Claire and Smallkucing‘s Mamarazzi thought I should be at least a lady well in her 40s when they first come to my blog.

People tend to have such perception of me when they read my blog… especially if they’ started to follow my blog two-three years ago. Oh well, it can’t be helped. I sounded pretty much like a menopausal, brooding old lady with my writing, and I never did attempt to correct them.

It’s all right. I mean, I don’t mind people mistaking me for being a wrinkly, stern old lady. After all… I kinda get some kicks whenever I meet up with people who assume I’m old. Oh God, whatever wouldn’t I give to have their picture taken when they saw me for the first time? I know a lady who practically gape when she first saw me. Poor lady assume that I was actually Cleffairy’s daughter. I really had a good laugh after that. 😛

Anyway, I’m straying. Where was I? Well, yes… I was saying that I do not feel comfortable around young people who are still single. Some people will ask me why… well here’s why… I feel out of place. Very out of place. I don’t feel that I belong to that group of people anymore. Look at me…. I am 26, married, and my son is already 6 years old. Not many choose to settle down so early these days, and what common topic could I possibly have with single people my age, anyway?

I don’t belong anymore. At times, I feel empty. Before I knew Ling, I couldn’t relate to people my age… all because in terms of marital status… I’m prematurely ahead. When I chill out, I would like to talk about my family, my boy… and yes… I’d like to talk about what ails me too… you know…sometimes, we women need that kind of release. To talk about what’s bothering us… and to share our problems. We’re not necessarily looking for a solution… but merely for people who are willing to listen without attempting to judge you. And guess what? I cannot talk to people my age about all those because they are not in the same shoe as I am.

My priorities and their priorities are different…. and therefore conversation between me and my young friends, no matter how close they used to be with me, will be very awkward. What’s worst…because these people have yet to go through what I’ve gone through, they do not understand how I feel. They tend to judge and offer shallow advice when all I want is just for them to listen.

Knowing Ling… filled an empty void in my life and my heart. She’s only 1 year apart from me, she’s married, and she’s blessed with two beautiful little girls whom she dubbed as monsters occasional. Ling understood me pretty well. Ling may not know this, but last year … something happened to me. It’s nothing historic, but it’s depressing and crushing nevertheless because I felt as if I need to evaluate my life all over again. I doubted myself, and I wonder if I’m doing the right thing. She did not know, but she was my pillar of strength, and she gave me the courage I very much need to face the unexpected venom that threatens to kill me inside out.

I’m not sure if she remembers it, but she told me that sometimes to set things right, you got to confront the problems that you have in hands and sometimes, one need to be cold-blooded. She was right. Because certain things can only be solved via confrontation or by being cold blooded. She reminded me that people in my position, should never let others, especially the one that I love trample me mercilessly.

Ling is beautiful lady on the outside and I can vouch that she’s beautiful inside too. And underneath that beautiful and sweet demeanor, she’s a very strong inspirational character with faith and passion inside her. She’s someone I look up too. I admire how she handle her children, and her endless faith in her life.

This might not be much, Ling… but here’s wishing you a very happy birthday. You’re one of those few people whom I keep in my prayers before I go to bed every day( I say day cuz I dun exactly sleep night… LOL!). I hope God will bless you and your family always.

Cleffairy: Happy birthday, Ling, and thank you very much….not just for all of your yummylicious nasi goreng, red bean desserts or mysterious roasted chicken, but for being in my life…. and for being there when I needed someone to cry to.

ps: Let’s go makan makan when you and the pontianak with unruly hair free okay? Celebrate both of your birthdays together. 😀

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Food/Travel

Constant cravings…

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Restaurant Yin Her somewhere in Sungai Buloh is one of my favourite hanging out place with my evil sisters. We stuff our face there every now and then. But as of late, everyone is busy… including me, and we did not manage to go there to stuff our face as frequent as before…

As a result, I’m getting a withdrawal symptom, and all I can do is dream of these wonderful dishes…

Up there is the dishes that we had during our last meet up. It was during Chinese New Year season.

Fresh kam heong lala. Very sweet and spicy and goes very well with plain steamed rice.

Crispy pumpkin chicken. This dish needs some improvement, though. When it came to the table, it was already cold and rather hard. Taste- wise, it was okay.

Veggies for the veggy lovers… but personally, I think this dish could use some cooking wine.

My all time favourite kangkung fried generously with belacan sambal and dried shrimps.

Claypot taufu for the young and young at hearts alike.

And last but not least… fried sotong for yours truly. 😀

Food pictures are courtesy of Mamarazzi and her Smallkucing while the food was sponsored by a pretty young lady who naughtily sneaked out to pay the bills while we’re eating. TSK TSK TSK. Thank you for the food, gorgeous. And thanks for the uh…mysterious roasted chicken too. 😀

Cleffairy: Food, food, food, glorious food!

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A Penny For Your Thoughts, Down The Memory Lane, Time Heals What Love And Reason Cannot

All about Smallkucing….

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It’s been more than a year since I got to know Smallkucing. And yet, words are not enough to describe my affection for this little boy. Smallkucing and his family are Godsent. They’re a blessing in my life, and I couldn’t thank God enough for sending them my way.

Smallkucing and family taught me many things… such as generosity and kindness. Before I met Smallkucing and his Mamarazzi as well as Paparazzi, I was still living in the dark ages.

I was a recluse and I did not mix around with people, especially if I got to know them online. I was afraid that I would be hurt. You see, not everyone out there are good people, and I’m afraid of unwanted exposure.

I am glad that Smallkucing and Mamarazzi showed me that the world is not so evil after all. I learn alot from both Smallkucing and Mamarazzi, and Paparazzi too. 😀

They’re the kind of people that makes me wish that I’m rich… so that I could spoil them rotten.

Anyway… here’s wishing Smallkucing a very happy birthday and his Paparazzi a belated happy birthday. Yeps… their birthdays are just 1 day apart. 22nd and 23rd February respectively.

May God bless you and your loved ones always. I’ll always keep you guys in my prayers.

Cleffairy: Thank you… thank you so much for teaching me so many things. Because of you, I’ve grown. And because of you too, the wall in my heart is not so tall anymore.

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Mysterious roasted chicken

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So, what’s the big mystery? Well… it just so happen that during the ‘lousang’ session with my sisters (The ‘Balik Kampung Gang) earlier on, they stuffed me with food again.

No, I’m not complaining, but I got confused cuz there’s too many food stuff, and I don’t know who gave me what thing. There’s simply too much cookies and food…(which I will blog about later).

Among those CNY goodies is the roasted chicken. I have no idea who gave that to me. Was it you, Cyn? Or was it you, Ms. Anon? *faint* Mamarazzi and Ms. Anon no 2 says it’s not from them…. *faint*

Anyway, thank you for the roasted chicken. It was very yummy.


Cleffairy: Tsk tsk tsk… I’m only good at eating! Shame on me!

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A Penny For Your Thoughts, Down The Memory Lane, Food/Travel, Time Heals What Love And Reason Cannot

Cravings satiated…

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LOL… this is going to be a very short entry, cuz I’m really beat. Just came back from ‘lousang’ with my evil sisters , and I can barely move… I ate too much, I suppose. I wanted to write something about that, but that will have to wait til my unofficial photographer email me the pics.

Anyway, I’ve been having loads of cravings lately…(no, I’m not pregnant… not that I know of… ummmm…. ummm!) and among them are fried rice, salted fish as well as pickled mangoes. LOL.

Well, most of my cravings has been satiated, though not indefinitely. Hahaha…Smallkucing has somehow managed to convince his Mamarazzi to make me a jar of pickled mangoes as well as buy me salted fish during their recent trip back to hometown. 😀

Pickled mangoes, made specially for me by none other than Smallkucing’s mummy, Mamarazzi.

Scary looking salted fish, but don’t let the looks fooled you. This tastes heavenly when it’s fried and eaten with plain steamed rice. (This one, however, is more suitable to be cooked in curry)

And as for fried rice…Ms. Anonymous fried some for me and stuffed it to me during my lousang session earlier on. You see, it’s not that I don’t know how to cook fried rice, but it’s just that sometimes you get so sick of your own cooking that you wish that you can have someone else’s cooking. I guess that’s what happened to me when I craved for Ms. Anonymous’ fried rice.

Geez…. I really did not expect her to cook fried rice for me. After all, we were having our ‘lousang’ session together and food will be abundant. LOL… I was really shocked when Ms. Anonymous told me that she made fried rice for me. Gosh…my friends are so kind and thoughtful, and I have no idea how to repay them besides saying thank you, and hope that God will bless them and their loved ones always.

Cleffairy: Having thoughtful friends who keep you in their hearts no matter where they go is indeed a blessing from up above. Eating in a humble restaurant with them beats dining in an expensive hotel.

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A Penny For Your Thoughts, Down The Memory Lane, Time Heals What Love And Reason Cannot

The Lady Who Sent Me Peppercorns…

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January and February is definitely not my favourite time of the year. There’s the dreaded Chinese New Year… and loads of stuff needs to be cleared. There’s fees to be paid, budget needs to be planned, and insurance needs to be renewed.

I’m more to the ‘end of year’ kinda person. I like the end of year. It always gives me the sense of accomplishment. New years tend to depress me and therefore, I hate it! There’s so much to be done, and it is overwhelming.

A few years back, I hate January and February to the very core, but these days, I find it quite bearable. Why? Well, despite of having to deal with whatever nonsense that life threw at me… you know, family politics stuff, financial issues and whatnot, I am blessed with a lot of wonderful and thoughtful friends whom never failed to bring love and joy in my life in many strange and funny ways.

Yesterday, as I was brooding and sighing for God knows how many times this year, Annie-Q came to my mind. It’s been a year since I got to know her. She’s one of those blessings in my life that I think I can’t do without. She’s one thoughtful and talented lady who is full of surprises.

Once, I left a comment in STP’s blog saying how much I loved black peppers in my food and how much I love Sarawak peppers, and the next thing I know, Annie sent me a huge pack of peppercorns via mail to me. The peppercorns was from Sarawak, no less!

Boy was I surprised! Nobody has ever sent me such a thing via mail before. Books, letters, cards via mail, yes, but never peppercorns! LOL. God knows I nearly had a heart attack cuz I laughed too hard after receiving it.

Peppercorns may not exactly be the normal thing to be received via mail, but it made my normal day filled with joy and laughter nevertheless. And each time I’m  down, I will think of people like Annie, and my mood will instantly be lifted up and I will feel okay again.

Today is Annie’s birthday, and so here I am, wishing her a very happy birthday. I pray that God will bless her and her loved ones always. 😀

Happy birthday, Annie.

Cleffairy: Head over her blog and wish her a very happy birthday, folks. 😀

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A Penny For Your Thoughts, Down The Memory Lane, Fairy's Tale

You’re still the one…

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Dear Seng,

It’s been 4 years since jie last saw you in Henesys Hunting Ground, hitting snails with a snowboard while making silly faces. You were just a teenage boy then. How time flies. It’s 2010 going on 2011. A lot of things has changed, but you’ll still be the only one who will die at Balrog with jie and the one who will leech jie at Skelly =.=

Balrog with it’s dreadful claws… *faint*

You’ll still be the one who will play cheat with jie and protect jie from the awful big dragon… what’s it’s name? Uhh… eeeee… Manon… and damn Griffey.

Manon…. (the damn stupid dragon that killed me countless times.)

The dumb Griffey… killed jie til jie wanna cry! *SOBS*

Horntail (Bwhahahaha… remember how we pawned the damn Horntail at Orbis? Wuikss… Orbis? How come we can kill Horntail at Orbis? Horntail supposed to be in Leafre. LMAO!)

Yes, indeed, years has passed since we last play together… and die together… but you’ll always be jie’s protector… jie’s warrior… and jie will always remember you as the one who always says goodnight to jie.

Happy birthday, Seng. God bless you always, no matter where you are… at land or at sea. 😀

Lotsa love,

xoxoxoxox

Your jie, Cleffairy.


Ps: Seng, let’s go and die together again? It’ll be fun. Let’s do the new Balrog! Bwhahahahahahaahaha!!! Jie wanna kick the new Balrog’s ass!!! Don’t worry… it won’t hurt much… jie promise not to forget to heal you. And if you die before jie, jie will try to resurrect you before jie die. 😛 LMAO!

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A Penny For Your Thoughts, Down The Memory Lane, Time Heals What Love And Reason Cannot

10 things I know about you…

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No… that’s not me in the picture. 😛 That’s Melissa and her father, Suituapui, better known to most bloggers as STP from Sibu or simply, Cikgu. I’ve known him for about two years, and he’s been a very, very good friend to me. He’s a very supportive person and has been my source of inspiration as well as motivation. He’s a part of my blogger family. 😀

Here’s 10 things that I know about him.

1.He is a retired teacher. (He doesn’t look like he’s a retired man, rite? He doesn’t look a day after 40!) Very soft-spoken and generous. But beneath the jolly exterior, I daresay there’s a fiery and critical teacher beneath. And should be a tough taskmaster too. Feared and respected by his students, I daresay. (Well… I think I would be afraid of him if I was his student. I’ve always been afraid of plus-size teachers!)

2. A doting father & a very good friend. Loves his daughter very much, and I daresay if one day he’s blessed with a granddaughter…or a grandson, the kids will be spoiled rotten. (And yeah… he’s still in his daddy’s on rampage mode… so… stay out of Melissa’s way. I heard he keep a shotgun somewhere under his bed!)

3. Wakes up around 6pm 6am (LOL!)and goes to bed by 10pm the latest, and have a very cute sense of humour.  Cikgu sent me an apron for my birthday this year. LOL. And I had a very hard time to stop myself from laughing when I received it. For what it’s worth, nobody ever gives me apron for my birthday before. I’ll probably remember this for the rest of my life.

4. Enjoys food very, very much.(ahemm, that explains the shape…very cute, no? Very opposite of me. One could easily mistook me for being a malnutrition Somalian refugee). And he takes coffee… preferably strong, black coffee. (gee… I can never take coffee… I’m tea person!)

5. STP is a Catholic by faith. So yea, STP celebrates Christmas, so feel feel to send him some Christmas cards. Some invitation to a Christmas dinner or buffet won’t do him any harm either. Bwhahahahahahaha 😀

6. He updates his blog at 5am every morning, so if one day he didn’t update it and reply to the comments, I’ll get very very worried.

7. He have mild gout. Certain food may trigger his gout attacks. So kindly do not feed him anything that can trigger gout attacks.

8. *sigh* He’s a Facebook junkie… LOL! Can never part from his Facebook, and he’s pretty hooked up with Facebook… checks for Facebook updates very often. (Very hi-tech feller. He checks his Facebook via his phone!) But don’t tag weird and annoying Facebook stuff on him, please. It’ll earn you his wrath and you’d be very sorry that you did it!

9. Been guilty of snapping photos before eating for God knows since when. 😛 (Don’t worry Cikgu… a lot of us have been saying grace with the cameras and the handphones too. You’re not the only one)

10. And last but not least…. he was born today, 2nd Dec, 58 years ago. So there, anybody who reads this, should head over to his blog now and wish him a very happy birthday. 😛 (Trust me… he don’t bite! :P)


Cleffairy: Happy birthday, Cikgu. I will keep you in my prayer and hope God will bless you and your loved ones always. You’re more than a good friend to me. You’re someone whom I look up to, and I care for you like I care for my own father. 😀

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A Penny For Your Thoughts

The teacher from Sibu

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*picture ‘borrowed’ from STP’s blog* LOL! The jolly-looking guy in yellow shirt is Mr. STP, a blogger whom I fondly called ‘Cikgu’ (A word equivalent to teacher/sir in Malaysian Language). And the sweet looking lady is STP’s cousin.

If you tell me that I’d be meeting so many people from the blog-o-sphere last year, I’d probably drop dead on the spot. Why? Cuz I’m somewhat a recluse, and meeting people whom I got to know online gives me the creep. You see, I’m an anonymous blogger. I don’t appreciate people plastering my pictures all over their blog and whatnot after meeting me… so… I have to be extra careful of whom I meet out of the virtual reality. Not everyone is good, you see. This is a fact.

But ever since I got to know nice, kind people like Smallkucing and Cynthia… I feel that meeting some people that I got to know online is not so bad after all. Most of the people I had the privilege to know are mostly friendly and kind people, and they don’t exactly eat me up or expose me. There are a few rotten apples, of course… but thank God, most I’ve met so far does not have the tendency of a museum curator who treated me like some sort of relic for exhibition.

I would never consider myself as a blogger, because I am a writer first, then a blogger. Frankly speaking, I never knew that I could make so many good friends from writing in my blog.

I’ve met Claire, Ling, Manglish and many more. They’re all nice people. And recently, I met STP as well. 😀 I went to meet him up along with Smallkucing and Cynthia, and we had a great dinner together.

STP is not new in Over A Cuppa Tea. In fact, I knew him for quite some time already. He first  dropped by in my blog 2 years ago. I’m not quite sure what article it was, but it wasn’t exactly a pleasant article. It was a lunatic fairy ranting sort of article, and STP commented in that. From the sound of his writing, he sounded fierce and firm. A very opinionated kinda guy, and from his physical look I had assumed that he’s a man at least in his early 40s, and is a working professional- probably a successful businessman or a 9-5 office big shot.

But I was wrong… very wrong. LOL… STP is not fierce in nature (well, to me he’s not… I am not sure if his students thinks the same of him). He’s far from that. He’s a very jolly man, and… uh… he’s actually a lot older than I thought. His physical appearance could have fooled people. He look rather young for his age. (Perhaps, being happy always is his secret to youthfulness)

And instead of a business man, STP is a retired teacher.  STP is older than my father and he’s a very soft-spoken and polite man. 😀 I like him very much, and I think of him as a doting father who always encourages me and offer kind advice when I needed it most.

When he first spoke to me in person… he reminds me of someone I love. Who? 😀 My grandfather. LOL. (He’s so gonna kill me for this). But that was a compliment, cuz I adore my grandfather very much. LOL.  You see, when he played with Smallkucing during our dinner date, I keep thinking of the times I had with my grandfather when I was Smallkucing’s age. LOL.

Anyway, it’s very nice to finally meet STP. He had treated all of us a very nice dinner and gave us goodies too. *blush blush* Will write about that one soon, and I daresay you’d drool on the food that we had during that wonderful dinner.

To be continued…. on the next episode of ‘The Teacher from Sibu’.

Cleffairy: Bwhahaha.. thank you for the kompiah and the goodies… love it very much, Cikgu. 😛

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