January and February is definitely not my favourite time of the year. There’s the dreaded Chinese New Year… and loads of stuff needs to be cleared. There’s fees to be paid, budget needs to be planned, and insurance needs to be renewed.
I’m more to the ‘end of year’ kinda person. I like the end of year. It always gives me the sense of accomplishment. New years tend to depress me and therefore, I hate it! There’s so much to be done, and it is overwhelming.
A few years back, I hate January and February to the very core, but these days, I find it quite bearable. Why? Well, despite of having to deal with whatever nonsense that life threw at me… you know, family politics stuff, financial issues and whatnot, I am blessed with a lot of wonderful and thoughtful friends whom never failed to bring love and joy in my life in many strange and funny ways.
Yesterday, as I was brooding and sighing for God knows how many times this year, Annie-Q came to my mind. It’s been a year since I got to know her. She’s one of those blessings in my life that I think I can’t do without. She’s one thoughtful and talented lady who is full of surprises.
Once, I left a comment in STP’s blog saying how much I loved black peppers in my food and how much I love Sarawak peppers, and the next thing I know, Annie sent me a huge pack of peppercorns via mail to me. The peppercorns was from Sarawak, no less!
Boy was I surprised! Nobody has ever sent me such a thing via mail before. Books, letters, cards via mail, yes, but never peppercorns! LOL. God knows I nearly had a heart attack cuz I laughed too hard after receiving it.
Peppercorns may not exactly be the normal thing to be received via mail, but it made my normal day filled with joy and laughter nevertheless. And each time I’m down, I will think of people like Annie, and my mood will instantly be lifted up and I will feel okay again.
Today is Annie’s birthday, and so here I am, wishing her a very happy birthday. I pray that God will bless her and her loved ones always. 😀
Happy birthday, Annie.
Cleffairy: Head over her blog and wish her a very happy birthday, folks. 😀
Like Anna or better known as Princess Breanna had said in the earlier entry where she promoted her mummy’s cookies… I am not feeling quite like myself. I’m not really in the mood. I don’t feel like doing anything besides sleeping.
Wow, that’s almost like the sun has come from the West, cuz I don’t really like to sleep! You folks might not know this, but I never did make it a habit to sleep more than 5 hours per day. But these days…I sleep ALOT, almost wishing that I could go on and on sleeping without having to wake up…. so that I won’t have to face the dreadful world fill with… uh… people who lacks paternity knowledge.
By the way, Cikgu… that’s one of the reason why I’m not your first commenter these days… I snore away these days… I also did nothing these days besides reading mushy novels as well as watch stupid, dumb, almost plot-less and poorly directed movies, and I’m somewhat disgusted with myself with my own wallowing behaviour. I hate idleness and lack of productivity, and yet that that’s what I’ve been doing lately. Life without motivation, encouragements and positive vibes really sucks!
Apart from feeling like a dead rat inside, I found myself terribly homesick too. Yea… homesick. I miss my mum and dad, and even my bratty younger sister. I mope about these days. And I wallowed.
Strange. I never actually had a real home when I was living with my parents. We lived like a nomad. From one state to another, and one country to another. I changed school more than I cared to count, and I can’t actually remember how any of my rooms looks like except the one I occupied when I was sixteen.
You see, my dad gets transferred very often. Every 3 years, he’d be transferred once. So I never actually settled down and never actually felt as if I belonged somewhere when I was growing up.
I’m all grown up now. I’ve settled down in one place for 8 years going on 9 years now. But why do I still feel not at home? Why do I still feel like a stranger looking inside from the outside of someone’s door at times? I feel empty…and so disconnected…. and extremely awkward. I feel… empty… and blank…
Out of the sudden… I realized why. Home is not just a roof over our head. Home is where family truly is, and that is exactly why I don’t feel at home during this time of the year. Cuz not everyone treats me as family during this time of the year, and I’d be tossed into a strange world where the only way to survive is through pretense and how good I am in dealing with family politics and strange culture where everyone must live up to their expectations and take their words like a command.
You see… I don’t mean to be shrewed, but I grew up in an environment where my family loves me unconditionally and uphold strong values.
I don’t grow up where my dad smoke or my uncles drinks or my friends gamble.Come to think of it, I hated such people when I was a child. I was taught that smoking is harmful to health and indulging oneself with alcohol is disgusting. Gambling on the other hand, is a path to sin.
I did not exactly grew up with my mum bitching at me at every single thing I’ve done wrong, and I was blessed enough to grow up with a normal pair of parents who honoured their wedding vows and happens to respect each other and love their children unconditionally.
So this is why I always don’t feel at home and extremely cranky during this time of the year. It’s because of during this time of the year, I’d be tossed into the world where people do those things that actually disgust me. It’s a strange world that I could never, ever comprehend or even get used to, no matter how I tried.
Oh, God… how I missed the times where my dad sings this song ‘Every women in the world’Â by Air Supply to me. Sometimes… sometimes… I wish I could stay a little girl forever….sometimes…just sometimes…because my dad never took me for granted…and he loves me for who I am and not judge me for what I’m not… and it is just so nice to see the love in my dad’s eyes for my mum and she held his hand and say thank you for all the things he’s done and given her*cries* T____T *SOBS* *EMO* (Oh, hand me a tissue so that I can blow my nose, please! SOBS)
Cleffairy: God, help me take this world as it is, and not how I want it to be. Give me courage, give me hope, and most of all, give me an air ticket (MAS, economy class, window seat will do just fine, I’m not picky) so that I can fly back ‘home’ and rejuvenate myself after all these dreadful nonsense is over. 😀
ps: I am a woman, ruled by my hormones… if you don’t like it, you can always navigate away. Thank you very much. And if you don’t have anything nice to say to me, kindly buzz off too, I’d really appreciate it.
Last year….2009 was a miserable year for me. I could be likened to a little bird with a pair of broken wings, unable to fly. I was really unhappy, I feel neglected and I feel that people around me took me for granted. I was dead inside in 2009. I was lost, and I desperately search for a reason to continue living… not for people who trampled me and resent me, but for myself. And therefore, needing something to cling on to… a reason to continue to live on one day at a time, I started my 2010 with ‘The Letters To My Future Self’. Letters… that I wrote in the end of 2009… telling myself what to do every single day in 2010, and to encourage myself each day in 2010. There was 365 letters.
Yes, I was so desperate for a reason to live, because I practically had none… all because I feel dead inside, and I mourned for myself… for all the mistakes that I did, and my inability to shut out certain things in my life, for giving trust and respect but had none in return and also, for my stupidity… sheer stupidity that I thought that I could actually pleased people who can never be pleased. I hated myself for how my life turned out, and I barely recognized myself in the mirror.
I achieved not a single thing in 2009 and I was no longer the person who looked radiant on the outside, reflecting happiness, and I was no longer the same person who was positive and grateful. It was all because I ‘gave’ powers to people around me to hurt me, including my loved ones. I was a fool, and I wanted that no longer. In the end of 2009, I decided to put a stop to everything, and I knowing that I needed to heal, I told myself that I ought to stop giving ‘those people’ power to hurt me, and I should not care for them, especially when they do not have respect for me and resent me. Yes… I should never care for those who treated me with contempt anymore.
And so, I threaded 2010 with absolute caution. Determined not to let myself belonged to anyone but myself, and my only resolution for 2010 was just be happy apart from writing one page per day for my novel so that I can have a new novel in my collection by the end of the year.
More or less, I got what I wished for. The wounds that was inflicted on me still hurt, and the trust that has been shattered was still beyond repair, but I found a reason to continue living, though, and as I took things one day at a time, I realized that loving myself more and opening up myself to people besides those who are living under the same roof with me is one of the keys to happiness. And slowly… little by little… I began my journey to healing…
Here’s looking back on the things I’ve done… and learned in 2010.
JANUARY 2010- Row, row your boat, gently down the stream… when you see a crocodile, don’t forget to scream!
January 2010. A start of something new for me. I was determined to heal, and to be happier. That was the only thing that I wanted for myself for 2010. Something that I must have, by hook or by crook. I was determined to let more people into my life, and be a better me, and I started off 1st January 2010 by opening my first letter of the year and launched cleff.bia.garf.us. Got myself a domain name for a start, hoping that one day, the blog will portray a better me through my writings. I was hoping…praying that I will be a brighter, happier person, and one day, I would change my pitch black template into something brighter, hopefully before 2010 ends to symbolize a brighter, better me.
I also started to befriend more people and opening up myself to them, realizing that if I want friendship, I got to be the first one to start it. You know… a lot of things works this way. You want something, you got to give something first. I prayed alot in January, realizing that all these while, when everyone left me and let me be hurt, intentionally or not, only God never failed to leave me.
I started to realize that a lot of things in my life happened for a reason. God loved me, and He was trying to knock on my door, and bad things in my life happened because He wanted to show me who is capable of hurting me. God was warning me to be very careful with people around me as they are extremely pretentious, manipulative, domineering, and they want me to be out of the picture.
I was so, so wrong about Him when I thought He had abandoned me when bad things happened to me. Yes… I was very wrong, because God was guiding me all the way. He sent me a lot of people to support me and to encourage me in ways that I thought was not possible when my personal disaster and conflict started to happen. I refused to see it then, but I could slowly see now… things always happened for a reason, and for me, it happens because God wants to warn me that all these while… I’ve been going about my life the wrong way.
FEBRUARY– Night, night, sleep tight, don’t let the bed bug bite!
Still traumatized with the things that happened in 2009… February became quite a nightmare. I could barely sleep in February. I dreaded the awful Chinese New Year, because that is the time of the year that I felt no one was there to protect me from the in laws, including my husband, because from my observation all these years… he himself have been oppressed by his family. They treated him like dirt when he was a child, and he just took it. Unlike me, he did not thrive on kindness. His childhood and upbringing was completely different from mine. His family have domineering patriarchs and matriarch. While me… I grew up in a typically loving family who loves me unconditionally. I grew up with my family’s kindness while he… he grew up with criticism and comparison. And therefore… he was always being compared by his family, and I come to learn that no matter what he did to please his mother, father and the entire clan, he was deemed never good enough. And therefore…even when he’s an adult… he was still oppressed.. So… what did I do in February to avoid calamity and awkwardness? Well, nothing much. I just ignore, pray that God protects me and give me courage alot and blocked whatever criticism that’s hinted at me to displease me. I know better now not to fall into such trap. Once bitten, twice shy and I should not give the power to people to hurt me in any way anymore. I also learn that to maintain peacefulness, it is best toavoid crossing path with people who tries to trample me beyond repair. So yeah… if someone rudely snatched away the newspaper that I was holding in my hand in front of the entire family, I should not be upset. I should only laugh. Why? Because that shows the world that I was the one with proper upbringing, and not the other way around. If people are rude to me, resent me, I should not be bothered. I should also stop trying to please them. For what it’s worth, some people cannot be pleased, no matter what you do. And some people are definitely not easy to live with. In February 2010, I realized that the bad people are not necessarily bad, and the good people are not necessarily an angel or a saint. I also come to learn that to have something, sometimes, one would have to learn to let go too… and… and just let things be. There are things beyond my control and I should learn to accept that I can’t be the ‘Jack of all trade’. I cannot be good at everything. And sometimes, I have to choose on whether to be just a good wife, just a good mother or just a good daughter. I can’t be all at once. I got to choose. I chose none. I just choose to be me.
MARCH- Somewhere over the rainbow, way up high… there’s a land I heard of once in a lullaby…
SomewhereOver the Rainbow is the perfect song to describe my life in March 2010. Somewhere Over the Rainbow is also the lullaby that my father always sings to me to make me sleep when I was a little girl. Befitting of the month, because my father came to visit me a lot in March and it makes me feel loved and cared for. It is nice to be me once again. It’s also the time of the year where my life was filled with joy and good friends who became as important as family to me. Surprising enough, they are bloggers too. It’s amazing how strange and queer things turn out when you finally open up yourself to all the possibilities. Life, is full of surprises, and definitely full of love. With the correct people, love and friendship is possible. But in March too, I learned that I hated to be chained and shackled and being manipulate and be put on a string like a puppeteer does to his marionette!
Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high,
There’s a land that I heard of
Once in a lullaby.
Somewhere over the rainbow
Skies are blue,
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true.
Someday I’ll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far
Behind me.
Where troubles melt like lemon drops
Away above the chimney tops
That’s where you’ll find me.
Somewhere over the rainbow
Bluebirds fly.
Birds fly over the rainbow.
Why then, oh why can’t I?
If happy little bluebirds fly
Beyond the rainbow
Why, oh why can’t I?
APRIL 2010- Mistress Mary, quite contrary, so how does your garden grow? With Silver Bells and Cockle Shells, with cuckolds all in a row.
Like Queen Elizabeth I, I come to realize that there’s a ‘Bloody Mary’ in my life and discovered that a lot of things contradicts one another. And things are never what it always seems on the surface, especially people’s looks. Pretty, sweet looking woman does not mean she have a good heart. In April I realized that some friends are better off an enemy as they are not sincere towards you, and they have the most hideous heart ever. They come to you when they need you or wants to use you for their own benefit, but ditch you when you are no longer useful to them. They too, never share good things and keeps things to themselves. Well, good riddance to bad rubbish for such ‘friends’ are shrewed and vengeful too, and I come to learn about that a few months later. They’d do many things, and they are not above sending spies to pretend to be your sweet and docile friend to practically destroy you through the people you trust most either! Good grief… the screaming of ‘Off with her head! Off with her head’ was very loud and clear, but why was I so stupid that I did not hear it? Anyway, I don’t need a fair weather friend. Plus… I’m born in the year of the Rat. Snakes will eat me anyway. I ought to learn to NEVER welcome any snakes in my life. I ought to read my bible more. From the beginning of time, snakes have been the bane of women’s existence! I’m talking about the literal snakes, of course…people who were born in snake years… people who seduce like snakes… people who have venom in their blood like snakes… etc.
MAY 2010-Â Lavender blue and Rosemary green, when you are King, I shall be Queen.
May 2010 was fairly a good and romantic month. I had a lot of fun and life was merry. Love was all around and breathing became easy. I stopped depending on my ‘letters’ to continue to live as I started to slowly take things one day at a time. I’m the kind of people who will treat people like a King if they treat me like a Queen. So if people are good to me, I’ll be ten times good to them. My loved ones are not excluded from this. Yes, May 2010 was a wonderful and memorable month. I was calmer and I had some serenity. Sleep too, came easier for me. And… I also changed my blog template on 20th May 2010 from the pitch black to the calm light blue to symbolize my happiness and hope for brighter days ahead. I also, launched my novel, Royal Masquerade on the very same day, 20th May 2010. There’s so many things that happened in May 2010, and I celebrated life to the fullest.
But strange enough, barely one month of getting rid the thorns in my flesh, came another. In came Little Miss Muffet. I wonder what some people’s intention towards me are. And I also come to wonder about the efficiency of the ‘ very private hospital’ somewhere in East Malaysia. How can you allow hand-phones for the bloody patients who had just gone under the knife in the hospital? And since when the sedation was not used on a patient who had just been operated? And since when a sickly person is allowed to dance her day and night away during their recuperating hours? And since when a person who had undergone an operation was allowed to eat just after the operation? I don’t know… it’s beyond my comprehension. A bit of a bullshit to me. I’m no Sherlock, but I don’t need any Watson to tell me ” Elementary my dear lady…don’t trust the dainty Little Miss Muffet! It’s all lies and deceit! Little Miss Muffet is a spy, and it would be a bloody brilliant idea if you got rid of Little Miss Muffet!”
JUNE 2010– Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall… Humpty Dumpty had a great fall! All the king’s horses and all the king’s men couldn’t put Humpty Dumpty together again!
When will I learn that there’s always a calm before a storm? Well, I was really naive to think that some people’s intention towards me are good, and I tend to ignore the fact that sometimes, people would approach me with nasty intention. Why the hell did I ever let my guard down towards sickeningly sweet people? Hmm… foolish me! Oh well, nobody asked me to sit on the wall…serves me right for getting a great fall! Oh yes, by the way… remember the wicked old witch that was not invited to Sleeping Beauty’s christening? She got rather mad for not being invited to the glamourous party and she schemed for the poor little princess to die on her sixteenth birthday? Well I kinda messed up with that old, rotten lady. So she cursed me to be depressed and miserable for a couple of month. Tsk tsk tsk! Lucky I managed to break the spell, else I would have ended up like poor Sleeping Beauty too! Remember, folks, never ever mess with the wicked old lady from the Sleeping Beauty story! It won’t be pretty.
JULY 2010- Little Bo Peep has lost her sheep and doesn’t know where to find them. Leave them alone, and they’ll come home wagging their tails behind them.
I lost the proverbial sheep. Someone kidnapped it from me just for the fun of it and I didn’t know where to find it. If only I know that the only way to get the little sheep back is by leaving it alone. It would have spared me misery. I also develop strong dislike and resentments towards drunkards. It disgust me the same way when a swine was slaughtered before my very eyes. But then again… in vino veritas. There is truth in wine and I stopped being such a twit!
AUGUST 2010- Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet, eating her curds and whey. Along came the spider who sat beside her, and scares Miss Muffet away.
Well, the spider did not exactly scare Little Miss Muffet away in my case… The Little Miss Muffet who had been a naughty little spy who was hired by the old witch from Sleeping Beauty story to kidnap my poor little sheep found herself her very own King Cole, and went her merry ways after that. I wonder though, how long exactly the old King Cole will have his merry old soul with Little Miss Muffet?
SEPTEMBER 2010- Rain rain, go away….come again another day, little fairy wants to play…
Well, the rain finally went away and I celebrated my birthday on 2nd September with a lot of love, joy and blessings from people who loves me and people whom I come to care for. I was lavished with gifts by a lot of people. (Pssst… you know who you are. :D) Received so much birthday presents via mail, and I was deeply touched by my friends thoughtfulness. I could not ask for a better birthday. There was hand sewn bag, glittering clothes… funky yellow apron with a fat man on it, notepads, birthday cards, body lotions…strange, exotic drinks, books…home-baked cakes… chocolates…and the list goes on.
I did not blog about it. Why? Not because I was not thankful or ungrateful, but I don’t feel like showing off, and most did not want me to write about it. So… all I can say is thank you… thank you for sending me gifts and loving me. I’ll always keep you guys in my thoughts, and keep you in my prayers every day before I go to sleep. 😀 I’m not good at showing my gratitude, but know this, not a day passed by without me praying for your happiness and health.
OCTOBER 2010- Sing a song of sixpence a pocketful of rye, four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie…
Another happy month for me, for I was stuffed full with food, literally, by all of my big sisters who are all a good cook. Cakes, glutinous rice, soup…desserts. It is a wonder that I did not grow even an inch sideways yet with all the things I’ve eaten. October would have been perfect though… if there was no incidents to make my blood boil. Remember the things that I blogged about? The organizer in Skudai and the negligent hotel? Well… they ruined my October, but thank God I was pacified by a 28 hours detour to Malacca. (The MOE made me cut it short… grr…it is too much to ask them to respect people’s time and plan, isn’t it?)
NOVEMBER 2010- Pussycat, Pussycat where have you been? I’ve been to London to look at the Queen…
The proverbialpussycat was back… or rather, the yearly NaNoWriMo event was back. I love November, absolutely love it, for I get to be with people who loves to write and as crazyas I am. It gets madder and madder in November, and I love it to bits. It’s a perfect November, surrounded with people who follow the white rabbit. November is also a month where my insanity meets curiosity, and I continued to celebrate lifeto the fullest. It was a month of ‘eat, sleep, write and be merry’. November was a busy yet fulfilling month, and yes, I won NaNoWriMo too! *GRINZ*
DECEMBER 2010– Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way…
Another happy and busy month for me. Had a blast meeting up with STP, and goes jolly all the way with food with my beloved friends too. Christmas was also a blast this year. Loads of gifts that came to me as early as November from family and friends and loads of love from my loved ones too.But the best gift of all is that I get to spend it with my mum and dad and my little family instead of being around people who merely tolerate my existence. I also finished my one page a day novel rather early. An accomplishment in itself, I must say.
Well, now that December is coming to an end, I’m feeling a little bit depressed, because it’s been a very good year, and it’s been so long since I last feel so loved and alive.Thank you, God, for giving me such a wonderful year. There’s been hiccups along the way but it worked out fine in the end, because God was there to guide me all the way. It’s been a wonderful year, and it’s kinda bittersweet to say goodbye to 2010 and welcomes 2011 into my life.
I hope 2011 would be a better year than 2010 for me (But somehow, I know February is going to send me into depression again. LOL. Same cycle every damn year! It’s seasonal depression that cannot be avoided). Oh, I pray to God it will be a better year, and I want nothing more than happiness and some peacefulness in 2011.
I don’t have any big resolution, for I believe that as long as I take things one day at a time and take the world as it is, everything will turn out well. But… I’ll continue to write one page a day for a new novel so that I have another thing to feel happy about by the end of December 2011. 😀
Cleffairy: Looking back on the things I’ve done… I was trying to be someone…
You know, I don’t exactly have a forgiving human with fairy-like temperament. I have nasty temper that could only be controlled not with criticism, but with kindness and logic.
While I welcome constructive criticism, I do not appreciate illogical nonsense being hurled at me. Typical, shrewed Virgoan trait, I suppose. A curse, and a blessing in so many ways.
I am also a very practical person. If you ask me to get a boob job so that I could fill in my A size bra cups properly, I’d say I would be better off bra-less or use those nipple stickers instead. Should I give a damn if my breasts are not as big as a pair of papayas sticking out of my shirt? I think they are fine, thank you very much. After all, it served it’s purpose pretty well as I did breastfeed my boy for three whole month back then. I’m all substance over style, thank you very much. What good is having two pointy silicon breast if you couldn’t even breastfeed your baby anyway?
I have the memory of an elephant. I never forget people’s kindness…and same goes otherwise. I am the kind who would wish to repay people’s kindness and generosity ten times more than they have bestowed upon me, and same goes otherwise too.
I was looking at my toaster this morning. I haven’t been using it for a while now. For a moment, I wonder why I stopped using it and grill my bread on the non-stick pan instead. It’s strangely impractical. Then, after a trip down the memory lane, I recalled why I stopped using them; I got rather disgusted with the memory that it brought me, and therefore, to spare me the pain and the anger of remembering the unpleasant event each time I touch the toaster, I stopped using it altogether.
You see, not long ago… I prepared breakfast for my family. And because the entire household was running late, it was rather practical to keep breakfast as simple and as quick as possible. I could still remember, I prepared some toast. Toasts with peanut butter and margarine as well as grilled cheese sandwich to be washed down with tea and coffee as well as chocolate drink to be exact.
It is nothing gourmet, I admit. It is a typical breakfast in many household, no? I daresay quite a lot of people take toasts as breakfast. It’s fast, filling and most importantly, very practical. It also provides enough energy to last til lunch for most.
While my little family were having some toast binge, came the question “Why do you take toasted bread in the morning? Toasts are very heaty”. It is a question posed in a criticizing way and it rendered me speechless, and silently, I wondered if I was expected to cook up a feast fit for a monarch. Perhaps… roasted chicken with stuffings along with pastas? Or maybe some elaborate dishes you usually see at wedding dinners?
I don’t know. I couldn’t understand why the question was asked. Because to me… even though it was a simple breakfast, I think the toast served it’s purpose. After all, so many people in the world is starving as I my family and I had a blast with the toasts. One got to learn to live in moderation and be thankful for every single meal that’s placed on the table. For what it’s worth, it could have been worst….for some, even having toasts for breakfast is a luxury they can’t afford.
Today, when I looked at my old abandoned toaster, I come to realize that it was not the toasts’ fault that the question was asked. There was nothing wrong with the toasts. And there’s nothing wrong with me either as some people are really hard to pleased and hard to live with, and nothing makes them happy, no matter how hard you try to please them.
I realized now that even if I had actually prepared a feast fit for a King and Queen’s banquet that fateful morning, criticism will still be heard in a different question… perhaps, this will be asked :”Why do you eat so much for breakfast? You’ll be sleepy and late if you eat too much”
Anyway, grilled cheese sandwich is a very simple and filling breakfast you can have if you’re running late in the morning. Here’s the recipe, in case you’d like to try:
Ingredients:
4 slices white bread
3 tablespoons butter, divided
2 slices Cheddar cheese
This is how you do it:
Preheat skillet over medium heat. Generously butter one side of a slice of bread. Place bread butter-side-down onto skillet bottom and add 1 slice of cheese. Butter a second slice of bread on one side and place butter-side-up on top of sandwich. Grill until lightly browned and flip over; continue grilling until cheese is melted. Repeat with remaining 2 slices of bread, butter and slice of cheese.
Cleffairy: Some people cannot be pleased, no matter how hard you try. So stop trying to go around and please others and live for yourself. Trust me, you’d feel a lot better.
I just don’t understand some of my friends my age. I find them very hard to relate to, especially when their belief about food intake and diet is completely different from mine.
You see… I don’t quite give a damn of what I eat and when I eat. I eat when I feel like it, and I eat when I feel hungry. Most of my ex-classmates in highschool are jealous of me. Why? Because I barely put on an extra gram since I left school despite of the way I enjoy my food… and my junkfood. I may be older. I may be married and have a child of my own, but I could still fit into my school uniform-something that not many still can.
Anyway, I was chatting with a friend… a close friend, actually, and I was telling her that I cannot live without nasi lemak, char koay teow, satay, roti canai and many more fattening local food.
She was aghast when I told her that, and she admitted to me that it has been more than a year since she had her plate of nasi lemak, char koay teow, roti canai and whatnot. She cannot believe it that I have been having them regularly without even feeling guilty. And she was prattling on and on about the calories, how unhealthy and fattening they are and bla bla bla! *ROLL EYES* (I don’t understand why someone can live in Malaysia and not enjoy the good food around us)
My friend told me that I should feel guilty for even eating those stuff. Duh… why would I feel guilty, anyway? I live in Malaysia. Those are somewhat staple food to me. If I don’t eat those regularly…what do you expect me to eat? You can’t expect me to to live on salad without dressing for lunch and dinner and disgusting bowl of oat for breakfast and wash it down with some dreadful looking protein shake, can you? You might as well shoot me in the head if you want to ask me to do that! It is something that I will not do.
Perhaps… I have grown very old and I couldn’t understand the ‘younger generation’ anymore. All they want to do is have an hourglass figure. But they forgot that just to control their diet without exercising will not do them any good. Skipping meals, especially breakfast just to loose weight is also not right, even if you take healthy stuff like oat and salad later on for lunch and dinner.
I am a firm believer that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, and you cannot skip it. Go ahead and skip lunch, but you must take breakfast. And I also believe that it is okay to be skinny or fat, as long as you are healthy. No point looking good when you are not healthy, right? That’s just vain!
People always ask me… how can I stay skinny even though I don’t exactly watch what I eat. They wonder what my secret is. I tell you… none. I have no secret…. unless you call eating fried chicken at 3am in the morning and eating loads of stuff before I sleep is a secret to keep myself petite.
Cleffairy: Oh… don’t worry about me… I may not eat those supplements and health food to keep my ‘good’ plywood figure, but I do swim regularly… and perform my ‘cardiac’ exercise often to keep myself healthy inside. LMAO! Why not ask me instead… what is ‘cardiac exercise’? The cardiac exercise that I have been practicing for the past 8 years can burn loads of calories if you do it right. LOL.
ps: By all means… if you’re unhappy with the way you look… diet all you want, go and have the fats surgically removed. For what it’s worth, I don’t believe on going under the knife to make myself look good. Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder.
No… that’s not me in the picture. 😛 That’s Melissa and her father, Suituapui, better known to most bloggers as STP from Sibu or simply, Cikgu. I’ve known him for about two years, and he’s been a very, very good friend to me. He’s a very supportive person and has been my source of inspiration as well as motivation. He’s a part of my blogger family. 😀
Here’s 10 things that I know about him.
1.He is a retired teacher. (He doesn’t look like he’s a retired man, rite? He doesn’t look a day after 40!) Very soft-spoken and generous. But beneath the jolly exterior, I daresay there’s a fiery and critical teacher beneath. And should be a tough taskmaster too. Feared and respected by his students, I daresay. (Well… I think I would be afraid of him if I was his student. I’ve always been afraid of plus-size teachers!)
2. A doting father & a very good friend. Loves his daughter very much, and I daresay if one day he’s blessed with a granddaughter…or a grandson, the kids will be spoiled rotten. (And yeah… he’s still in his daddy’s on rampage mode… so… stay out of Melissa’s way. I heard he keep a shotgun somewhere under his bed!)
3. Wakes up around 6pm 6am (LOL!)and goes to bed by 10pm the latest, and have a very cute sense of humour. Cikgu sent me an apron for my birthday this year. LOL. And I had a very hard time to stop myself from laughing when I received it. For what it’s worth, nobody ever gives me apron for my birthday before. I’ll probably remember this for the rest of my life.
4. Enjoys food very, very much.(ahemm, that explains the shape…very cute, no? Very opposite of me. One could easily mistook me for being a malnutrition Somalian refugee). And he takes coffee… preferably strong, black coffee. (gee… I can never take coffee… I’m tea person!)
5. STP is a Catholic by faith. So yea, STP celebrates Christmas, so feel feel to send him some Christmas cards. Some invitation to a Christmas dinner or buffet won’t do him any harm either. Bwhahahahahahaha 😀
6. He updates his blog at 5am every morning, so if one day he didn’t update it and reply to the comments, I’ll get very very worried.
7. He have mild gout. Certain food may trigger his gout attacks. So kindly do not feed him anything that can trigger gout attacks.
8. *sigh* He’s a Facebook junkie… LOL! Can never part from his Facebook, and he’s pretty hooked up with Facebook… checks for Facebook updates very often. (Very hi-tech feller. He checks his Facebook via his phone!) But don’t tag weird and annoying Facebook stuff on him, please. It’ll earn you his wrath and you’d be very sorry that you did it!
9. Been guilty of snapping photos before eating for God knows since when. 😛 (Don’t worry Cikgu… a lot of us have been saying grace with the cameras and the handphones too. You’re not the only one)
10. And last but not least…. he was born today, 2nd Dec, 58 years ago. So there, anybody who reads this, should head over to his blog now and wish him a very happy birthday. 😛 (Trust me… he don’t bite! :P)
Cleffairy: Happy birthday, Cikgu. I will keep you in my prayer and hope God will bless you and your loved ones always. You’re more than a good friend to me. You’re someone whom I look up to, and I care for you like I care for my own father. 😀
You know, I used to login into my twitter account regularly. Initially, I used twitter to get connected to my publishers and also to subscribe to Tun Dr. Mahathir’s and many other renowned politician’s updates. Basically, I created and used twitter purely for news and information purposes.
Twitter used to be a short announcement system that’s full of updates and information. But I stopped using it after discovering that twitter is infested with bimbos and himbos (male version of bimbos). Twitter is no longer what it used to be and should be: a microblogging platform.
Bimbos and himbos alike abused the facilities to the max and I found it rather irritating and annoying. It also makes me feel degraded and stupid, because according to a certain dictionary, a ‘twit’ may refer to an idiot, a moron or a mentally challenged person.
And so… I decided… unless someone is going to pay me good money for ‘tweeting’ some piece of completely obnoxious sentence on twitter, I’m not going to login into the damn portal, period. If I’m not making money out of it, then it’s a complete waste of time and I’d be degrading myself into a ‘twit’.
So… since I’m not using the social networking portal that the bimbos and himbos are using, what thing do I use to communicate and stay connected with the rest of the world?
Well, elementary dear readers, I log in facebook instead. I find it a better alternative than twitter though facebook is infested with some bimbos and himbos as well.
Well…Facebook is not perfect, but at least the grammar and spelling in facebook is not as horrendous as in twit’s ville. Grammar and whatnot is absolutely nonexistent in twit’s ville, and almost every single message in twitter is a piece of crap. Not even worth my time to read it. LOL!
Cleffairy: Birds of a feather, flocks together. Twit=moron+idiot. Are you a twit? I surely hope not! LMAO!
Initially,today’s entry is supposed to be a mad fairy ranting kinda entry, cuz I’m feeling abit low these few days… but then again, today is someone’s birthday. Someone very special to me. Do you know her? I daresay a lot of you over here know who she is.
She’s Claire. Some called her Reanaclaire… I just call her Claire… hahaha… or Mama Claire when ahemm… I wanna beg her for something…LOL. (Claire is only one year younger than my mum… so it’s kinda inappropriate for me to address her just Claire… but she didn’t seems to mind… hahahaah)
*picture ‘stolen’ from Claire’s blog‘ LOL! Pretty, isn’t she? Like a Queen beside the picture of the castle. Kekekeke… (Did you know that in Spanish, the word Reana means Queen?)
Yes, folks… today, 24th November is Claire’s birthday. I got to know her somewhere last year. Through my blog, no less.
I wrote ‘When you’re not ready to say goodbye’, and Claire commented so passionately for that article. I jotted down my thoughts about my husband’s auntie who had just lost her husband to Death… and how I did not appreciate people pestering that Auntie to make decisions that she’s not ready to make yet with her husband’s passing I wished that people would leave her alone, and if she’s not ready to let go yet and move on, just let her be.
Claire came to my blog and relates her experience of loosing her own husband when she was just in her 30s. Her comment was so touching and so sad, and even reading her experience again brings tears to my eyes. Since then, I come to learn that Claire is not just an ordinary woman, but she’s an extraordinary woman. A woman whom each and everyone of us should look up to.
You see, Claire found herself a widow at a very young age. And she had 3 young children under her wings then… and she raised each and everyone of them singlehandedly.
They turned out fine, despite of their loss. Claire made sure of that. Anybody who have seen her children, would agree with me that Claire did a fine job in raising her children. Sometimes when I see Claire… I would ask myself… would I be able to do what she have done if I’m placed in the same position as her? I doubt it.
Claire have something that I don’t think I’ll ever possessed: Perseverance. Life must have been difficult for her then… but she’s one tough lady. She never let the hardship of life gets in her way.
Last year was the worst year in my life. I lost my faith in God… I feel that He had abandoned me and I questioned His existence. I was bitter. I was miserable. And I lost my purpose in life. It was so horrible that I contemplated suicide. I was so devastated and sick of the nonsense around me that I just want everything to end and I want out!
But luckily for me, Claire and many others came into my life and reminded me that I’m not alone. I’m not the only one who had been tested by the one up above, and slowly, I rediscovered the meaning of life, and learned that I should not live for the sake of pleasing others, but live for His glory instead.
Claire’s taught me many things…I’m humbled when she told me that the Lord gave her strength to carry on. She did not take credit for all of her success in life. She lived for the glory of God.
Claire taught me so many things, and I can’t even begin to name them, and I’ll forever be indebted to her for showing me kindness and giving me wisdom.
Yes, Claire is indeed a remarkable woman whom I’m lucky enough to make acquaintance with. She’s not my friend. No, definitely not. She’s more than that, she’s my family, and today is her birthday, and I couldn’t thank God enough for letting her into my life.
Happy Birthday, Mama Claire. *Hugs* You’re more than just a friend to me, and having you in my life is indeed a blessing. Happy birthday. I hope God bless you always… with health, wealth and happiness above everything else.
Cleffairy: Dear God, please take care of Claire and her family always.
ps: Claire… lol… ur pressie will be abit late. LOL… will send it via Smallkucing next month, since she’ll be going to Ipoh to pester you. LOL!
Last month, my dad gave me a surprise visit. He was having a meeting somewhere in town and he dropped by and took me to a posh Thai Cuisine Restaurant to eat. He was actually craving for my Tomyam, he said I make the best Tomyam ever, better than my grandfather’s Tomyam, much to my mum’s chagrin.
My mum have been trying to imitate my Tomyam but couldn’t seems to get it right and she gets pretty annoyed with my dad each time he compared our Tomyams. I find my dad’s preference hard to believe, though. I’ve always thought my grandfather’s Tomyam is still the best. 😀 Nothing beats my grandfather’s authentic Siamese Tomyam!
Anyway, my dad brought me to this restaurant called Flying Chillies, The Gardens, Midvalley. I have a lot of things to say about this restaurant. No… not a bad review, but a very good one. A 5 star review, in fact.
The service is really good and the staff are really friendly. They move as quick as lightning and served within 10 minutes despite the peak hour.
Flying Chillies Restaurant, 3rd Floor, The Gardens, Midvalley.
Very nice and intimate surroundings.
They were having this special promotion for Golden Tomyam Siakap, but we didn’t order that. Instead, we ordered these:
Spicy Seafood Tomyam for 2. I’ve requested it to be less spicy, cuz I know that in these Thai restaurant, their Tomyam are really really spicy. The Tomyam was still very spicy, but bearable. It’s sourish like what Tomyam is supposed to be, so I guess this Tomyam is up to my liking. It was generous with seafood too. Loads of huge King prawns, squids and flower crabs in it.
My dad ordered these for me. *grinz* he knows me best. It’s my favourite tempura calamari. Goes very well with their special Thai sauce dip.
Flying Chillies’ shrimp omelet. Initially I thought it’ll be one of those ordinary omelet, but it turned out it taste very nice. The omelet was laden with sweet shrimps and and shredded carrots. Very yummy.
And the main star of the meal: Fried fish.
Dad wanted fish. I wanted mango salad. So we compromised. We ordered this fried fish topped with mango salad. 😀 I don’t quite fancy fishes, you see. I hate the bones. But to my surprise… this fried ‘siakap’ is boneless. The chef had de-boned it at my dad’s request. Dad must be scared that I’ll choke myself silly while helping him to eat the fish.
Since it was boneless, I gobbled it up without any complains. I love the mango salad, it’s to die for. Very fresh and crunchy with the right amount of ‘nampla’ (fish-sauce), sweetened fried anchovies as well as dried shrimps. There’s also fried peanuts in it.
My dad tend to go overboard when he order food or drinks for me. I was busy snapping pictures, and when I went back to the table… he ordered 3 drinks for both of us to share. All of it are my favourite. *FAINT* Orange juice, iced lemon tea and Coke.
Total damage to daddy’s pocket: Rm165.00. Very expensive, but the service and the food is great. We were never ignored and the food came to our table in less than 15 minutes.
Dessert was sourish lemon ice cream. No picture, though, cuz I forgot to take a photo of it. 😀
Wanna try this place out? Here’s the address:
Flying Chillies,
T219, Third Floor, The Gardens, Mid Valley City, Kuala Lumpur.
Tel: 03-2287-7708 Fax: 03-2287-7710
Cleffairy: Next time I wanna eat at Tony Roma, Daddy! Let’s go eat the rib rack! Mwhahahaha!
When I was a little girl, I practically lived in the hospital and my friends are usually a bunch of adults who called themselves cardiologist. I had chronic bronchitis as well as a loose valve in my left ventricle, and I had to be closely monitored all the time, especially when I contract a fever for the fear of infection in both my lungs and my heart.
It wasn’t exactly fun to practically grow up in the hospital. They pricked me with needles for blood samples and IV Drip more than they would feed me, and I watched Vital Signs monitors more than I watched the idiot box when I was a little girl.
Do you know what Vital sign monitor is? Well, it’s a machine that functions to measure and display heart rate, breathing rate, and blood pressure on a computer screen. Heart rate, breathing rate and blood pressure are all vital signs in a living human body. If these vital signs become abnormal, an alarm usually sounds. One of the most famous and well know vital signs monitor is Welch allyn vital sign monitor.
These machines are also used during those conscious sedation procedures… just to make sure that nothing goes wrong with the patient. I’ve always hated these machine. It makes me thinks of death. You know… when someone die or goes into a state of comatose, these vital signs machines are the first in line to alarm the medical officers in charge that you’re dead or if there’s something wrong with you because it’ll go ‘BEEP’ very loudly.
When I was forced to overnight in the hospital for monitoring, I always get terrified… terrified of the beeping sounds that will out from those machines, that is. I’ve heard it pretty often in the ward that houses cancer patients. The beeping sound is really traumatizing. Well, at least to me it is, because it tells me that someone that I might know is gone, and I’ll never see them again.
Anyway, it is a good thing that I was a sickly child and faced near death experience more than anyone else. It made me appreciate life more, and it also helps me understand a lot of illness and be more emphatic towards patients and their families.
Cleffairy: If someone tells me if they’re sick and was thrown into the operation room, I can tell if they’re telling the truth or fibbing by just listening to their description about the procedures that has been performed on them.So… if you happen to be my friend or my student, don’t dream of bluffing me if you’re not sick, because I will know if you lie!
