Time Heals What Love And Reason Cannot – Page 14

A Penny For Your Thoughts, Time Heals What Love And Reason Cannot

When God makes your life a blockbuster movie…

February 6, 2010 30 Comments

As an author, I believe that God spent a lot of his time plotting my life and making high quality scripts for me. He must have saw it fit to give me a life that has a plot of a blockbuster movie. You must be wondering why I’m saying all this. It is simple, my precious ones, my life, it’s far cry from normal.

It’s more like a roller coaster ride, or rather, a stormy sea in which I’m in the danger of drowning if I do not sail and navigate with great care. I’ve always wanted a normal, peaceful life, but, He wants my life to be very interesting. I used to resent that. All I ever want is a normal life, with love and serenity in a package.But I no longer resent it.

God must have wanted to inspire me through my own very life, and making me lead a life that resembles somewhat a blockbuster and a thriller movie, where I have a secret identity and constantly fighting the bad guys in the forms of people around me. In many ways… my life resembles a chess game where I struggle to protect myself from being eliminated and consumed by the people around me, even my loved ones. Depressing? Well, that’s the lemon of my life, something I embrace with my whole being right this moment.

Last years… God decided to spice up my life a little bit by lighting up a torch for me in order to let me see the truth about my life, and the people around me. Being human, I had no idea that He was enlightening me. I blamed Him for every single thing that happened, and I feel as if I’m being punished for the things I haven’t even done.

My human eyes were not powerful enough to let me see His revelations. Naturally, my beliefs for Him flew out of the window and beyond. I told myself… He does not exists, because He was not making my life better nor comfort me. I felt alone, and darkness began to consume me, inch by inch.

Things gets more and more worst by the day, and last November was the month of turbulence for me. I felt betrayed and hurt beyond redemption.

God decided to rescue me from darkness by giving me many pointers and hints along the way, and I began to realize that every single thing that I was forced to endure, happened for a reason. The reason is simple. It is for me to see clearly. To show me…to knock senses into my almost malfunctioned brain.

God showed me, that my life is full of hypocrites. Nobody could be trusted wholeheartedly, especially those whom I thought I can trust my life with. God showed me, that I am not always important in someone’s heart.

God showed me, that I shall not always be protected, for in the eyes of the human, I am like a speck of dust. I can be dismissed with a mere gust of wind, and they would not feel a single thing about it. Yes…God revealed to me so many things, and I am very thankful that he finally bestowed me the wisdom to unravel His revelations.

God is great. Praise Him, for he showed me that in truth, my life is full of ungrateful people who forgets their roots when they are rich and successful, and nothing lasts forever. God showed me, that my life is full of Pagan whores who worships demons and drink contaminated blood in delight and pure enjoyments.

He made me see that people in my life… doesn’t believe in Him, and therefore, they cannot count their blessing and nothing is ever enough for them, and instead of being thankful for what they have and cherish whatever that’s bestowed upon them, they greedily ask for more.

They will never be grateful or feel blessed, because they did not allow God to be in their hearts and let the demons rule their heart and minds instead. Instead of taking life as a blessing in itself… they blame everyone for everything except for themselves, and they demand people to tolerate their wants and ways, as if they own the world and everything has to revolves around nothing but them, and only them.

Those people… they are shortsighted. They only think of temporary, worldly enjoyment rather than looking on how to live life in the long run and being responsible for the lifestyle they chose.

Those are the people in my life…those I should be aware of… those who will walk away from me when I needed them most, and those who cannot wait to drink my blood and delight in it. It is a small comfort to know that God is with me, and as long as I seek protection from Him and have faith, nothing could ever harm me.

It saddens me that sometimes, the people that I love could not understand the concept of blessing and gratefulness and scorn people who are God fearing. They have absolute disrespect towards other’s way of life and beliefs, and yet, they demand people to respect and honour theirs. they are the kind of people who only wants to take and never give.

My life may resembles of those superheroes movies where I constantly need to battle the monsters around me, but in truth, I am powerless. I am powerless against the greed and the flaws of humanity.

I could do nothing to change it or force people to repent and be grateful for their blessings. The best thing I can do is pray and hope that one day, God will bless them and grace them with His presence.

Cleffairy: God, please grant me serenity for the things I cannot change. Please, give me peace and I pray for wisdom. Protect me, and shield me, for there are evil and demons who tries to harm me and drink my blood and delight in my pain.

ps: When God makes your life a blockbuster movie, then live like a movie star.

A Penny For Your Thoughts, Time Heals What Love And Reason Cannot

Kiddy Villa, Love and Friendship

February 5, 2010 29 Comments

A good blogger friend of mine, Cheeyee or better known as Littlemermy is running an online store for children’s apparel. I’ve known her for more than a year now, and she’s been my pillar of strength last year when my house was burn down in the fire. She was the first one to know about what had happened to me back then, and I thank her for all the comfort and moral support she gave me when I was in distress. Frankly speaking, I would have been pulled into a serious bout of depression again if it wasn’t for her.

Cheeyee is running an online store for kid’s apparel. All these while, I’ve always go goo goo ga ga over the clothes in her online store, Kiddy Villa, and found myself wishing that I have a daughter so that I can dress her up in those fancy, cute clothes for little girls. (Actually, I wish I can wear them myself. LOL…)

I was pleasantly surprised that today, my door goes DING DONG, and a package was delivered to my doorstep.

For a moment, I was wondering what it was, then a grin was plastered to my face asI suddenly remembered that Cheeyee had told me that she’s sending me something today. Well… being an absent minded person, I had somehow forgotten that she told me about it yesterday.

I unwrapped the packaging from Pos Malaysia, and I grinned from ear to ear to see a CNY shirt for Alien. It was from her online store, Kiddy Villa.

Nice, isn’t it? It’s a Ralph Lauren short sleeve shirt. White and dark blue in colour. The fabric of the shirt is so soft and children will definitely feel comfy in this. No worries about having the child who wears this feeling heaty and uncomfy. Made from high quality cotton and could absorb sweat easily. Good for active children.

Cheeyee also sent me a love note ….

This one is a gem. It made me smile for hours, and definitely brightens my day. LOL…Cheeyee knows me well, and so does her little girl Lynn. The Ralph Lauren shirt was chosen by her cute little girl, Lynn. She got taste, and I bet she knows that Alien and I both loves dark coloured clothes. Ahahaha… very suitable for Alien to wear, especially for CNY. *grinz* the duo know me very well indeed. Lynn must have chosen this cuz she knows what a sour grape I am during festive season. Dark colours is the in thing for me during festive season. It reflects my mood very well. LMAO. 😛

Anyway, check out her online store. 😀 She’s having a CNY sale. 😀 Click the banner to be re-direct to her online store.

Perhaps you busy mummies and daddies out there would want to do some last minute shopping for your little ones. What you need to do is just browse the products, select the one that interest you, place your order and make payment after receiving confirmation email from them. Best part is they will deliver to your doorstep. Which means, there will be no hassle of being trapped in the traffic congestion or in the crowded mall. You can save the time to spend more quality time with your children at home.

Cleffairy: Thank you so much for your pressie and a big hug for the comforting note. 😀

Cleffy's Pillow Talk, Down The Memory Lane, Time Heals What Love And Reason Cannot

Dreaming of Music Boxes

January 21, 2010 28 Comments

When I was a little girl, I used to get beautiful dreams where I’m surrounded with scattered and floating collectibles, such as figurines, dolls and music boxes.

.

I’m all grown up now. I no longer get beautiful dreams where beautiful music boxes serenade to me. Instead of getting such dreams, I get nightmares consisting of betrayal, cold blooded murders and lies. Even my dad stops buying me those beautiful music boxes because he thought I would prefer those expensive high-tech gadgets instead of simple collectibles I used to get as a little girl.

It is strange how time changed people and their dreams, and I come to realize that every now and then, we should look back at those simple joys we used to have, like giving music boxes to our loved ones as a token of our love and appreciation.

I missed receiving music boxes as a token of love, and since no one buys me music boxes anymore, I’m thinking of getting one as I happened to stumble upon musicboxes.com coupon codes that I can use to buy it for myself. Unless of course…someone out there is offering to buy me one for the coming Valentines?

Cleffairy: I’m all grown up now, but every now and then, I would allow myself the small pleasure of revisiting my childhood fantasies. Tell me… how many of you girls out there still receive a music box as a token of love, or it has been replaced with Ipods, laptop, digicam and whatnots?

A Penny For Your Thoughts, Current Issue, Down The Memory Lane, Time Heals What Love And Reason Cannot

Elizabeth III

January 15, 2010 25 Comments

I was named after the Queen of England. My name is Elizabeth. The Spanish called me Isabel while the French knows me as Isabelle. People who are closed to me called me Liz or Lizzie, because they can’t be bothered calling me by my whole blessed name.

Some people are just goddamn blessed that they are born in the world where democracy is practiced, and I’m not the heir to any throne, or Elizabeth I of England herself, for I might have ruled with my iron fists, and send heads rolling.

You read it right. I would have sent heads rolling, and I probably wouldn’t feel a thing about it. Cruel, yes. I am cruel. I can be extremely cruel when I want to be. And I would have made sure people remembers me for that so that they know they shouldn’t mess with me in the first place.

People are just so lucky that they are not my subjects, as while I’m very easy to please and I take delights in little pleasures the world have to offer me, I am also a very bad tempered and unforgiving woman.

I don’t forgive easily. I may have grown up like a little princess where I was taught of horseback riding, archery, chess, literature, philosophies, history, mythology and politics as early as five years old (yes, my father seen to it that I grew up like a princess, knowing what a princess should know- the only thing that I lack would probably be music and fencing), but the world had seen to it that I don’t grow up to be a weak fairy tale princess who had herself under illusion that the world is made of cotton candy, soft and sweet.

My father used to tell me that I was rather sharp-minded when I bothered to be as a child. And he was right at some point, as I don’t need to be Henry VIII’s daughter to realize that the world is a place that’s full of people who can’t wait to betray each other for their own benefit. I grew up to be rather aware of my surroundings, and I don’t trust people or respect people easily, even as a child.

And so, when I say I trust you and respect you, then you’re one of the lucky few, and you better not do anything to destroy my trust, for once it’s broken, I shall never give it back, and I’d do anything in my power to make you regret that you’ve ever been born. Yes, consider this as a warning.

Some people… they are just damn lucky that I am not a monarch, as I am quite a territorial being. I loathe it when people do as they pleased in my home, and I absolutely resent people who touched my things without permission and enter my domains to do as they please without considering my feelings on that matter. That is absolute disrespect and insult to me. Oh yes, some people are just lucky, for if I am Elizabeth I and those people are my subject, I’d have them hanged and quartered for even dare to think of touching what belongs to me. They are blessed, and lucky indeed that I am not a Queen who rule over them.

Some people are just goddamn lucky, but the world is not blessed enough to have me as a Queen, as I would have done whatever it is in power to protect my country and put it’s interest before me and I wouldn’t punish people for their faith, but punish them for their deeds and wrongdoings instead. It’s a trait many rulers and government lack, don’t you think?

Quote from Cleffairy’s latest novel: Give me notÂ the quill and ink, for I shall sign your death warrant.

A Penny For Your Thoughts, Time Heals What Love And Reason Cannot

Do we really know men better?

January 11, 2010 41 Comments

I used to think that a woman, especially a wife, knows her man better than anyone else in the world. But I’ve come to realization that this sort of thinking is actually very shallow. We women actually do not know our men better. We are actually clueless on what’s going on in a man’s head, and a man’s bodily reaction. Just like men are clueless on what’s going on in women’s head, and her bodily reactions.

Why do I say this? Well, I stumbled upon a few ‘interesting’ male blog, that taught me a lot about men. And if I’m honest to myself, these men taught me more about men than anybody else could.

These men, rendered me speechless with their articles and opinions about men, relationships, and sexuality. These men, are good… really, really good, but I’m not sure if I should put the link of their blog here, or even add them in my blogroll, as these men, are actually homosexual. I’m not sure if they wanted to be exposed, and I better be safe than sorry.

I should respect their privacy rather than mentioning their blog link over here. Even if I did put their link in my blogroll, it would strictly be invisible to others, as unless permission is granted, I would want them to remain ‘protected’. All because I respect their privacy and would not want people who do not share the same sentiment with them to go there and condemn their ways of life.

Let me be frank here. 3 years back, when I was fighting off my depression by immersing myself in online gaming, I came to know a friend, who became homosexual, or accurately speaking, bisexual after he got married to his wife.

As time goes by, and we played together in the game more and more often, I became rather close to him, and soon, he became my godbrother and he exposed to me about himself more than before. I was aghast to to hear him confess to me that he’s actually a homosexual. I was rather… naive back then. I couldn’t understand why a man could choose to be a gay after marrying a woman. I accused him of so many things. Heartless and cruel is one of it.

Don’t get me wrong. Some of you might think that he and his wife are having a problematic marriage. That’s not a fact, though. My godbrother told me that his wife is an absolute angel, and has done him no wrong. She’s the kind of wife any man could ask for. Good in bed, excellent cook and a doting mother. He mentioned to me that his wife does not know of his sexual preference. He said, he doesn’t have what it takes to break his wife’s heart who loved him with all of her heart and soul. And when asked about his sexual relations with his wife, he told me that he just have sex with her out of responsibility. To say that I was shocked is an understatement.

He mentioned that he’s happily married with his wife and kids, and yet, there’s a void in his heart that not even his wife could fill. He had mentioned to me before that while his wife is the perfect wife who love him and care for him, she couldn’t really understand his sexual needs and his feelings. I wasn’t really sure what he meant by that, though, but he told me that sometimes, women just don’t understand men. I could only pray and hope that his wife would never find out, because I know, as no wife could take it if their husband turned gay after marrying them. It hurt our womanly ego, seriously.Having our husband turning gays after marrying us is probably as horrible as catching our husband fucking their own mother on the bed that we shared together.

Personally, I think I could comprehend it somehow if my husband finds other woman. It might mean that I am not good enough or the bitch in question is better at seducing my husband. But if my husband turns gay after marrying me, what does that make me? I don’t think I can understand that. I might even think that I am not good enough as a woman that drives him to turn gay after marriage.

Anyway, I always begged my godbrother to repent. I may not be religious, but I am rather God fearing. I always tells him not to continue his ways, as I think, God will punish him for having affair with another man.

I said many nasty things to my godbrother back then, but he was rather fond of me. He never once lashed at me for hurting his feelings by not being supportive of his sexual preference. Instead of getting mad at me for saying nasty things to him, my godbrother actually teased me that I could never understand how he feels as I am not exposed to the world of homosexuality. He told me that a woman who married her first love won’t really understand the world of gay-ism and lesbianism. (That’s me, I married my first love).

He asked me a few questions that made me completely speechless back then. These are some of his question:

“Mei, have you ever feel that your husband couldn’t understand how you feel at times and it frustrate you?”

“Mei Mei, have you ever feel frustrated that your husbandÂ could not satisfy you sexually, and you resent the fact that sometimes, he’s just so selfish in bed? You got so fed up that he just sleeps off after getting what he wants from you, and you silently wish that someone would bother to initiate afterplay after having sex with you?”

“Mei, have you ever feel empty when your husband did not really bother to listen to you? Instead, he brushes you off, and you wish that someone could really sit and listen to your problems instead. You wish for someone who would just listen, not tell you off or even suggest you the solutions to your problems.”

I was stunned with his question. He probably knew that if I’m honest to myself, the answers to the questions would be yes. And so, he proceeds by telling me that sometimes, it’s not just because you’re sexually attracted to your own sex that it caused you to become homosexual.

Sometimes, it is the void that your spouse could not fill that cause you to have such tendency towards homosexuality. Because for what it’s worth, people of your own sex tends to understand your emotional needs better than people from the opposite sex. They too, knows about your sexual reactions better than the opposite sex, because they are same species as you. They know where to touch, where to hold, where to caress to inspire sexual satisfaction from you, as their body works the same way too. When I think about homosexuality that way, I seriously think I need to apologize to my godbrother. Who am I to judge, anyway?I’m not an angel. I should not judge people’s personal life and sexual preference.

My godbrother rather have a man in his bed rather than his wife not because he doesn’t love her, but because he felt incomplete. He said, a lot of men are like that, but not many chooses his way of life. And he told me not to be afraid about it either, as not everyone are like that. Not everyone have such tendency after getting married.

I find his assurance is true, as I know of a girl who is a lesbian and has been living with with her lesbian partner for almost 6 years now. She was never married before. I could have accuse her for being that way as she was hurt badly by men and got sick of men that it made her a lesbian, but that was not it either. She told me that she just like woman, and men doesn’t held any appeal to her.

Truth be told, sometimes, I find men who are homosexual very attractive. They not only understand men better, but they understand women better too!

Bottomline is, I may not understand why some people choose to be homosexual, because I’m straight, but I guess, when it comes to love, it does not discriminate on your race, your age or even your gender. Who can explain love, anyway? I know I can’t explain love. I am still learning how to really love and understand the mystery of it. But if you can explain to me about homosexuality and love, I would really appreciate it. I would like to understand. It’s all right if you want to protect your identity by leaving anonymous comment. Just help me understand. I want to understand.

Cleffairy: Make love, and not war, let’s have more peace on Earth.

A Penny For Your Thoughts, Time Heals What Love And Reason Cannot

Cuckoo Delivery

January 8, 2010 18 Comments

I was napping away when I was rudely awaken from my slumber with the ringing of the doorbells. I was rather irritated, and anxious, because I never once had guests visit me unannounced or without informing me beforehand. I contemplated to ignore the doorbell, but the continuous ringing irritates the hell out of me, so I made my way to the door, only to be greeted by a guy from a courier company.

“Are you Cleffairy?” he asked in a rather strange voice.

And I dumbly nod, and told him almost absent- mindedly that I am indeed Cleffairy. I began to wonder if this is real, because nobody knows how Cleffairy actually looks like, and where she lives. I started to think that this is another one of my weird nightmares, and I was actually prepared to see the delivery guy to transform into those monsters that Power Rangers fought. I was expecting Queen Rita to go “Make my monster grow” on me and the monster will be blown up into a full scale mad godzilla, ready to flatten me.

Then this feller asked me to sign a piece of paper, and handed me a package, while muttering something that sounded pretty much like “Weird name”.

I was flabbergasted of course, cuz it’s not a dream after all, and I don’t get to kick some monster’s ass. But as soon as I saw the package, I immediately knew the culprit who sent it to me, and I cracked up instantly, remembering that someone does intend to send me something. Something kinky, actually. Or rather, I had coerce that particular someone to send me the kinky thing. I had somehow forgotten about it, as it was last year, before Christmas.

It’s Claire’s doing! She’s the culprit. She sent me pasta. Ha ha.She really sent me the pasta. I went inside the house, and rip the packaging open. And looked for the penis she sent to me. LOL…fine…I’ll be honest. I practically ravage the thing, thinking that I’ll be getting some penis to eat…oopss, penis pasta to eat. Talk about impatience…

Apparently, Claire thought that I am still underage. Haha. She wants to protect my innocent eyes and not so innocent mouth from those horrid pastas she ate last Christmas. You see… Claire has always been a mummy figure to me. And so, she must have want to live up to the status. Which mum would send her daughter penises anyway?

There are no penis pasta that I requested. But there’s these…and some chocolate that wasÂ attacked and walloped immediately by the alien in my house. *sigh* I only get to eat one of them. LOL…those aliens in my house are rather hungry, that’s why they immediately have a go at those chocs… or was it pralines? I wasn’t so sure, cuz it melted in my mouth way too fast for me to be able to identify which species it was from.

Cute stuff…. those smiley magnets…I like them a lot. I played with them like a little girl! And who could have thought that Cleffairy is actually capable of giggling?

Thank you Claire. 😀 I like these pressies. I got a Xmas pressie, after all. Albeit a little late. I loved them to bits, especially the magnets. I was really surprised, actually. I have forgotten that I had somehow requested for you to send me the penis pasta. LOL… *hugs* Thank you so much Claire. You made me smile whole day through.

Quote from Cleffairy’s novel in progress: I wish I can give you the world, but it’s not mine. You can have my heart instead. It’s all I have.

A Penny For Your Thoughts, Cleffy's Pillow Talk, Down The Memory Lane, Time Heals What Love And Reason Cannot

O sole mio…

January 7, 2010 36 Comments

Getting to know mature and wise fellow bloggers out there, like Shakira, Claire, Eugene and STP made me learn a lot. I feel tiny in comparison to them, all because they are wiser, and have been through rougher times than me. They made me realize that life is a tough, but a wonderful journey. It’s just like sailing in a stormy sea. You just needs to stay strong and be courageous in order to survive and not drown instead.

My days are usually bad, as I have sleeping problems and whatnots. But these days, I tend to count my blessing, even when I had a rough day and nothing good actually happened.

There’s not much I can write today, cuz I had terrible, nasty headache, and my Muse avoided me like a plague. I couldn’t really do anything today, but out of boredom, I went on youtube, and found this Italian/Neapolitan song, O Sole Mio, sang by the late Maestro Luciano Parvarotti and the hot hunk Bryan Adams, and I couldn’t help but feel grateful and blessed that I met my husband and married him.

Do you know why I feel that way? Oh, well, most of you might not realize it as I sounded very fierce and firm with my stands in my articles and my comments. But truthfully, I am a hopeless romantic inside, and I have a hunch that if I didn’t meet my husband almost 8 years ago, I would have definitely fall in love with the person who serenade O Sole Mio to me. Or even worst, I could have married the first person who proposed to me by singing this song beneath my bedroom window.

I could have ended up with someone like Parvarotti, for all I care. You see, I’m not the kind who would fall in love with people for their looks and looks alone. Call me weird, but I consider people’s voice a a charming trait. While some woman may go for men who are loaded, I couldn’t care less if the man is penniless. As long as the man is… ahemm… a passionate man and can demonstrate to me that he’s a good and exhilarating lover, then my heart is all gone. I’d choose a single stalk of a rose rather than a huge hunk of diamond. I’d go for a love letter any day rather than expensive gifts. And I definitely go for a virile young man who could satisfy me in bed rather than a financially stable, elderly man who can lay a kingdom at my feet but could not perform in bed.

Passionately hopeless, isn’t it? But I can’t help it. That’s who I actually am. Even my own love story with my husband involved fireworks, roses, romantic visits through the window and a whirlwind romance. I am not sure if I want to share my love story with all of you, as it’s quite X-rated.

I don’t know how your love stories with your sweethearts goes, but mine is rather an old fashion courting rather than the modern ones. I never once go dating with him in a cinema, and instead of going for clubbing or something of that sort, we waltzed beneath the fluorescent light back in the hostel room and boy, did we court troubles.

My husband… was quite a Regency Rake type of guy, and I was… let’s say I was a woman, ruled by my hormones. This is going to sound rather shameless, but he had ways with me, and I fell for it. There’s intense chemistry between us back then, and would you be surprised if I say that I knew who was right for me with a mere touch of the hand?

Weird, but true. I’ll be honest here. I used to have crushes on boys when I was in high school, but I know that we’re not meant to be lovers as I feel that they are not for me when I held their hand.

Anyway, for what it’s worth, I am glad that I met my husband. It’s a blessing that I tend to take for granted as time passes by. My passionate and romantic nature could have spelled troubles for me, but I’m glad that I fell for the right person. I could have fall forÂ some Spanish or dangerous Italian Casanova for all I care.

I never do fall for bad-ass kind of guy like most girls do. I have tendency to fall for romantic blokes who would romance me. It would have been disaster for me if I didn’t meet the right one.That thought alone made me shudder.

My own love story is not flawless, and not always romantic, but I did the right thing. I married someone whom I cannot live without, instead just marrying someone whom I can just live with. That alone is a blessing, isn’t it? God does love me after all. He gave me someone to accompany me through this rough life, and I should thank him for that.

It would please me immensely if you could share with me your love story, but if you can’t, it’s all right. I’ll understand, cuz it might be somewhat personal and X-rated too. Whose love story is not X-rated, anyway?

Allow me to end this entry with a songs dedication. ‘O Sole Mio’ and the English rendition of it, ‘It’s Now or Never’ sang by the King of Rock, Elvis Presley. They are beautiful love song, and I suppose, it’s composed to steal someone’s heart.

O Sole Mio – by the late Maestro Luciano Parvarotti & Bryan Adams

Neapolitan lyrics

Che bella cosa e’ na jurnata ‘e sole

n’aria serena doppo na tempesta!

Pe’ ll’aria fresca pare giÃ na festa

Che bella cosa e’ na jurnata ‘e sole

Ma n’atu sole,

cchiÃ¹ bello, oje ne’

‘O sole mio

sta ‘nfronte a te!

‘O sole, ‘o sole mio

sta ‘nfronte a te!

Quanno fa notte e ‘o sole se ne scenne,

me vene quase ‘na malincunia;

sotto ‘a fenesta toia restarria

quanno fa notte e ‘o sole se ne scenne.

Ma n’atu sole,

cchiÃ¹ bello, oje ne’

‘O sole mio

sta ‘nfronte a te!

‘O sole, ‘o sole mio

sta ‘nfronte a te!

â€™O SOLE MIO (Translation)

What a beautiful thing is a sunny day,
A gentle breeze after the storm!
Through the fresh air already appears a feast.
What a beautiful thing is a sunny day!

Refrain:

But another, lovelier sun doesnâ€™t exist.
My sun is your face.
The sun, my sun,
Is your face, is your face.

Thereâ€™s a light in the panes of your window.
A laundress sings and boasts.
While she wrings and spreads and sings,
Thereâ€™s a light in the panes of your window.

Refrain

When night is falling and the sun is setting,
A feeling almost like melancholy overcomes me.
I would stop under your window,
When night is falling and the sun is setting.

Refrain

English rendition of O Sole Mio- It’s Now Or Never by Elvis Presley

Elvis Presley – It’s Now Or Never Lyrics

It’s now or never,
come hold me tight
Kiss me my darling,
be mine tonight
Tomorrow will be too late,
it’s now or never
My love won’t wait.

When I first saw you
with your smile so tender
My heart was captured,
my soul surrendered
I’d spend a lifetime
waiting for the right time
Now that your near
the time is here at last.

It’s now or never,
come hold me tight
Kiss me my darling,
be mine tonight
Tomorrow will be too late,
it’s now or never
My love won’t wait.

Just like a willow,
we would cry an ocean
If we lost true love
and sweet devotion
Your lips excite me,
let your arms invite me
For who knows when
we’ll meet again this way

It’s now or never,
come hold me tight
Kiss me my darling,
be mine tonight
Tomorrow will be too late,
it’s now or never
My love won’t wait.

It’s Now or Never+ O Sole Mio

Quote from Cleffairy’s novel in progress: I’m afraid that I will say anything to you that might come out wrong, so instead, I will try to tell you with this silence. When you understand the words I’m not saying, then maybe you can teach me to speak again, like you’ve taught my eyes to see, and my heart to love.

A Penny For Your Thoughts, Time Heals What Love And Reason Cannot

My Favourite Mistake…

January 5, 2010 22 Comments

‘My Favourite Mistake’ is actually the title of one of my old novel that I wrote on a whim, dating back in 1999. I was rather prolific back then. I had the stamina to write so much that I produce 33 novels by year 2002. I would kill for such stamina now.

As per instructed by my damn letters to myself today, I am supposed to read my old junks and do something about them, but somehow, I found that what I wrote needed a total revamp, cuz it would sounded looney in this age and era.

I wanted to edit some of my old, neglected and forgotten works today, but it seems that my inner editor is not back from her Caribbean vacation yet, so I have to wait til she comes back before I do anything drastic to my novels.

I am not sure if I’d like to share ‘My Favourite Mistake’ with all of you over here, but I surely want to share the moral that I try to deliver in that novel, which is, never, ever be afraid to make mistakes. You see, we are just human. We’re not angels or Saints…we’re far from it.

And therefore, we should not be afraid to make mistakes, and should not allow people tell you what a failure you are when you make big mistakes in your life. You’ll never know if the mistakes you made will turn out to be something good, and is actually a blessing in disguise.

Do you know why we actually make mistakes in our lives? You see, we makes mistakes so that we can grow up, toughen up and wise up. We are not stupid if we make mistakes. We’re only stupid when we make the same mistake twice and did not learn from it at all.

I made a lot of mistakes in my life. Some of the mistakes changed my life drastically. I came to regret and resent some of those mistakes that I made. Sometimes, when I sit down and allow my thoughts wander, I wonder why I was so foolish that I allowed myself to make mistakes? I feel angry at myself for being ignorant and stubborn.

But looking back, I am glad that I made some of those mistakes, because for what it’s worth, I became a better and a more responsible woman as I deal with my mistakes maturely rather than cowering away from it.

People often condemn me and judge me for my mistakes and my decisions. And naturally, I would feel upset when they tell me to my face about it. But I know that people don’t get smart overnight. At least, I don’t. I make mistakes, corrected them and learn from them. I am not a failure, but people who thinks that one should refrain from making mistakes are the biggest loser.

Why do I say this? Well… those people who are afraid to make mistake will refrain themselves from living their life to the fullest as they have fear for falling down. They are the kind of people who would never be strong and attempt to get up when they fall down while people who makes mistake often will know that their failure is just temporary and will nonchalantly bounce back and be in a better shape soon after. People who tackle life as it is without having fear of making mistakes are brave and adventurous, and they should be respected instead of being looked down upon.

I made countless mistakes in my life and it made me a better person in whole. I would have been nothing without those mistakes that I made. I won’t be the woman I am today without those mistakes, and honestly, I am glad that I was brave enough to allow myself to make such mistakes. Even if I could turn back time, I wouldn’t change anything for the world, for I am happy with the outcome, regardless of what people say.

I have my few favourite mistakes that I can proudly tell people. Do you have any?

Quote from ‘My Favourite Mistake’ written by Cleffairy: Life is not a spelling or a grammar test. Don’t be afraid to make mistake. I made a mistake, and I found you. You are my favourite mistake.

A Penny For Your Thoughts, Down The Memory Lane, Time Heals What Love And Reason Cannot

It's been a very educational year…

December 30, 2009 29 Comments

It’s already New Year’s Eve when I’m writing this entry. It’s 3.05am when I started writing this. I couldn’t sleep again, and so, I decided to make use of my time instead of forcing myself to sleep by tossing and turning in bed again.

2009 is by far the toughest and the most educational year for me. I learn a lot of things…the hard way. I’ll tell you what I learned throughout the year.

JANUARY– I learn not to expect much from the people around me. I learned to deal with desperation, frustration and denial.

FEBRUARY– I made a big decision that I thought will do good for me and my family, only to live to regret it, because it complicates my life terribly. I learn that it does one no good if they stop staying strong and admitting that they need help. One should learn to persevere. During this month, I also learned that sometimes I need to share my loved ones with people that I am not particularly fond of. But on a lighter note, during February, I also learned that people change. And to some people, love is unconditional. I learned that we need to give people a second chance, and we should not really look back and condemn the mistakes that they did in the past when we are nowhere near perfect ourselves.

MARCH– March was a particularly fair month for me. And I learned that positive work pressure is actually good for the soul as it motivates you and keep you alive. During this month, I also learned something new about myself, which is; I hate to be forced to do things. March made me wonder if I am actually moving forward and not backwards.

APRIL– I learned that I needed to be more patient with everyone around me. This is also the time where I started to drift away from God, because I felt that He’s not answering my prayers.

MAY– May was the month where my relationship with my husband grows older by another year. And I learned, that passion and romance needs to be rekindled, and one should not take their other half for granted. I learn that everyone should prepare to let go…in case things happen. I also learn that one should not expect people to be thankful for what you’ve done for them. The less you expect, the less you’ll be disappointed.

JUNE– June. Not so much things happened in June besides celebrating my blog’s one year anniversary. During this time of the year, I learned that taking precautions and being mindful of whatever you do is important. Certain things disgusted and repelled me. Rhe feelings are all new to me.

JULY– My nightmare begins. All nonsense were thrown in this month. I had to deal with homelessness because my house was burn down in fire, and I learned that we cannot depend on anyone but ourselves. I learned to handle pressure and higher level of stress. July 2009 was one of the darkest time of my life. Everything seems to slap me on the face. I felt lost, and felt that God is unfair. But for what it’s worth, I am glad that I still can say “It’s all right. We have each other. Nothing else matters”. This was the month where I happens to bring Meow Meow home, and realized that cats are better than human in many ways.

AUGUST– I was taken aback with certain things, and for a while, I felt numb and didn’t know what to do. I got homesick terribly. Missed my mum and dad, and even my bratty sis. I wished I could tell my dad what so that he could hug me and tell lend me his wisdom. But I didn’t have the courage to do so. And I wasn’t sure if I should either. It will complicate things.This was also the time where I began to build a wall around me and refused to let people into my heart because of certain things that happened. I learned that there are some things that you should not mention, even to your other half. I also learned that people back stabs, and one should never be fooled with their appearance. I also learned that some bitches are extremely manipulative. I could never be like them though I learned that if I wanted to survive my kind of life, I have to be like them. You see, some people, they really can act pitiful and like a complete Saint while their heart is as black as ever. I am not sure if I can be such a whore, seriously. Suicide sounded better to me that turning into such an ugly hearted person. I became bitter during August, and kept everyone out of my heart, not wanting my heart to break again.

SEPTEMBER– I turned 25 years old on 2nd September. I don’t really want to talk about it. It disappointed me. The wall around my heart gets higher and thicker, and harder to break. I learned that sometimes, you have to live with the bad decisions you make, and freedom is not free. Went to spend time with my own family by the end of the month, and desperately wanted to be a little girl again. Desperately longs for a time out. I was in need of a break.

OCTOBER– I learned that getting away from mundane life is good during October. And began to see that sometimes, things are not what it seems. I learned that everyone is no angel, and one should not expected me to treat them and worship them like one. For what it’s worth, certain ‘angels’ are just brainwasher and cleverly manipulates situations to make themselves looks like one. People around me may be blind, but I am not.

NOVEMBER– I was so pissed that sometimes, people just don’t get me and doesn’t respect my role in the family. I felt bad about certain matters at first, but after awhile…all I wanted to do is say “good riddance to bad rubbish”. I learn not to let people twist and turn things around to make me feel guilty. I learned an expensive lesson during November. Which is… you cannot really be two things at a time, and you will need to make choices, no matter how painful it is. Because of the things that happened in November, it made me realized that I needed to be closer to my own parents more than other people in my life and needed to be more open about what’s been bothering me with them. Felt that I needed them more than ever. Wished I really could have my daddy’s wisdom terribly. And thank heavens, this is also the time where daddy began to pay attention to his daughters too. He came on and off to check on his daughters, to see if they are doing all right.

November was also month of adventure for me. There’s NANOWRIMO, and I learn to really take comfort in my writings because I can’t really find it elsewhere. Felt pitiful for myself even more that I could only do things that I really wanted in my novels and it could never be realized. NANOWRIMO saved me from drifting into depression again, as positive kind of stress motivates me.

DECEMBER– Felt depressed earlier December as NANOWRIMO finally ended, and no one was there for me once again. I purposely immerse myself in writing again, desperately trying to get away from my bloody mundane life. And I learned another valuable lesson during December. Most valuable of all, I must say.

I learned that GodÂ actually works his miracle in mysterious ways, and no matter how lost I feel, He will send me someone to give me kind nudges to guide me along the way.

I might not realize it, but yes ,thinking back… He was rather kind to me in December. He made me believed in Him again by sending all of you; my blogger friends. He made me believe that there’s more to life than just my mundane ones. He showed me that He is looking out for me.

He sent Claire to me to show me that life is about being grateful for what you have and give thanks. He sent STP to me to tell me that I should learn to live one day at a time and whatever bad that happens to me is just a test from Him. He sent Eugene to me to tell me that love should always be nurtured. He sent Shakira to me to tell me to count my blessings and that there are people out there who cares for me genuinely. God also sent me Merryn and Cheeyee to show me that I am not really alone and not everyone have an adventurous life and I should learn to be contented in my role, just like they did and I will feel a lot better.

God also knocks on my head in December to make me remember that He is all around me and I am forever grateful for the little reminders He sent me. I also reveled in the fact that if I want to be loved, I need to love myself first and make effort to love people too. And not only that, I also need to learn to allow people back into my heart again. God showed me that I need to learn how to love again, and learn to let bygone begone. Yes… December is a month of revelation to me, and I desperately pray that God will continue to show me the path that’s truly intended for me and guide me all the way in His own ways.

Tomorrow will be a brand new year. I don’t know what is in store for me in January, (Though I know February will be nothing but shit to me) but whatever will be, will be, for the future is not mine to see. I will hope for the best, and pray that it will not be more worst than 2009. For what is worth, I hope God will be all around me to guide me all the way. (And my own letters to comfort me too!)

Cleffairy: Que Sera, Sera, whatever will be, will be, the future isn’tÂ ours to see, Que Sera, Sera. Happy New Year, Everyone.

ps: I also realized that there are people out there who doesn’t want me to be happy and the only way for me to make them unhappy is for me to be happy. I never really did make any resolution for the past years, but I’m going to make one for 2010, which is be happy and be myself again. After all… I have accepted people for what they are and what they are not. Why should I let people tell me differently? I am who I am, either accept me for who I am, or get out of my life. I never did bother to force them to change themselves for me. Screw ya, assholes!

A Penny For Your Thoughts, Down The Memory Lane, Time Heals What Love And Reason Cannot

It’s been a very educational year…

December 30, 2009 No Comments